I'm really, really struggling not to cut myself. I haven't for a couple of years (and before that is was over a decade ago. and only due to having an operation, not being able to move and feeling trapped).
My mum's a widow. Dad died, just after my brother (who lived at home), so it's just her. I used to go to see her every few days, but after I became increasingly disabled, I became more and more of a recluse and cannot leave the house alone. I also hate being at her house now, not sure why - memories? I find it easier to avoid everything.
I don't drive (unable due to not being able to move ankle), so when DH is off work, he drives us places she wants/needs to go.
If he's working very, very occasionally, I'll be brave and get a bus alone to meet her in town (this has decreased significantly as I've become more and more unable to face leaving the house).
14yr old DD has broken up today and wants to go to another town that has a great shopping area. I'm OK going out with her. I can't walk far, but we know the quick route from the bus station to the shop we want to go to. My friend may also come too.
Dmum has said she needs to go to town to get some cash for presents. She wants to go tomorrow. I asked if she wanted to come with us - no! She wants to go to our town, but not alone.
I don't want to go to our town, there are no decent shops here, it's decidedly dead.
I can't rearrange as Friday I have a hospital consultant calling me due to being put on a 2WW referral. I refuse to go anywhere on Saturdays, as even with someone I can't stand crowds, and the Saturday before Christmas is going to be ridiculously busy - there are no buses on Sunday. Monday I've got my Christmas shop coming (if they arrive - today's shop originally went to the house several doors up!). Christmas Eve will be spent preparing food and chilling - I don't plan on getting on four buses and mixing with crowds then.
We also have bus passes due to DH's old job, but they expire at Christmas, meaning it will be too expensive to go after (it takes two buses there and back), and I want to get some pressies from a certain shop there, so after is pointless.
Dmum however says she is crying...
I feel trapped. I feel that I should cancel and go with Dmum, but I will resent her and let down DD and friend, but if I don't go the day is ruined anyhow.
PS - DH and DD aren't going to France on Monday now, he wanted me to go, but has agreed to wait till I feel better.