How soon should I make this journey after birth?

[crazycatgal]

Currently pregnant with DC1 who is due in a few weeks. DP also has a DC that stays every other weekend.

Currently DP can't drive so I do the 3-hour round trip twice every other weekend to pick up and drop off DSD, accompanied by DP.

Obviously I'm now thinking about how this will work after the birth with a newborn, timings in a car seat etc.

How soon after DC is born should I be getting back into this routine?

Until they’re 6 weeks old babies should be in a car seaf for max 30 mins at a times. I wouldn’t want a young baby in a cat seat for 3 hours twice in a weekend. This isn’t going to work long term.

I think you are going to have to play it by ear .

if you end up with a c section it will definitely be longer .

could dp catch train to collect Dc ?

Are there any public transport options?

agree that I wouldn't plan to do it untl baby at least 6 weeks old. Plus you may need that long a recovery period yourself. Think of other options.

There is public transport, it would be a bus and a train, then another bus- around 2 and a half hours each way. This could be cut down to 2 hours each way if DSD's mum would meet at her nearest city, which is 1 bus ride for her but she is reluctant to make any part of the journey.

Not before 6-8 weeks. Minimum.

Breastfeeding stops. Your baby shouldn’t be in a car seat for long periods.

You will probably also be tired out from broken nights , not best for driving.

I agree with those saying 6-8 weeks minimum.

Could DP go, and stay in the other location for one of the visits? So, first visit, go via public transport, and bring DSD back to you.
Next time, leave you alone for the weekend? Would save some of the travelling - although cost in a different way.

You might find that she’ll change her mind when your baby arrives.
It might take a while for that to happen but in my experience, there’s nothing like a new baby for one parent to make the other parent to reassess their flexibility.
I agree that the journey will be too much for your baby and you.

I think it depends.

If you are formula feeding then baby can stay with dad and the only question is when you will feel recovered (and awake( enough.

If breastfeeding then baby needs to come with you, so you need to factor that in. They didn't be in the car seat that long in the first few weeks, but even beyond that, whilst some babies find the car relaxing and nod off, done t hate it and will scream on journeys for months.

Sleep deprivation is obviously a factor, but don't assume that'll only be a newborn issue. Mine slept ok as newborns so I wasn't knackered, but woke hourly at older babies/toddlers. Many women drive on 3 hours broken sleep because they have to work, but it's not ideal or necessarily safe...

As for birth recovery, who knows. You may feel fine within a few days, may be a few weeks, may be longer. The not driving for 6w after a section is a myth and many women are driving by 2 weeks, but that's not to say doing a long car journey is ideal, and women recovery differently. Equally, a vaginal birth may be fine or you may have a severe tear and needed surgical repair.

You need a better plan in short. Could he learn to drive?

I wouldn’t want to do it before 6 weeks. It’s 3 hours now, but with a baby, will be at least 4, probably more. And that won’t get easier for a few years. I think your partner needs to figure out a new solution. Staying over sometimes and using public transport, drafting in a friend or family member to do it, sometimes doing it all on public transport alone, etc.

6-8 weeks minimum.

Thank you for all of the replies, I did think around 6-8 weeks.

To answer some more points:

• DP has a driving test booked for around 6 weeks after the due date and is very test ready, it was just the availability of tests which meant he couldn't get this in before the due date.
• I am planning to breastfeed, but even if this doesn't go to plan I do not plan to leave my newborn child twice every other weekend so I can do the trip alone.
• We have asked DP's family to make the journey for at least one weekend and could possibly ask them again.

Good that his test is booked, hope he passes! I agree with pp that he should consider going to his daughter at least once instead of trying to do all the round trips on public transport. A cheap premier inn and a couple of day trips out there would be fun as a one off anyway.

Babies all vary. One of mine just screamed the place down on the car and never dropped off peacefully. A friend's child could have slept in the car forever and they regularly did longer journeys to see family. It's really difficult to plan until you know what your baby is like.