Will you be getting your child a smartphone?

[Fandangles]

….if you haven’t already?

DS is 11 and DD is 9. They knew about 6 months ago that they won’t have a smartphone til much later. I joined the smartphone free childhood movement and have recently watched the Swiped documentary on channel 4. I can’t see any good that can come out of giving a child a smartphone, but still worry about mine being the odd ones out.

I couldn’t see much discussion on it here and wondered if people are still considering smartphones over non smartphones for their children?

No. My daughter is in year 7. Her school bans smartphones (yay!) and she has a tablet. All I ever hear is tales of children being bullied via phones. Bugger that for a game of soldiers.

My DS had one from age 11 year 7. He did not have social medias on it though. He's nearly 17 now and it did him no harm, never got bullied or involved in any drama and he left school with excellent grades this year. It's more about how you as a parent manage it in my opinion.

Did you actually search? There are hundreds of threads on this topic.

Most secondary school children will need some sort of device to arrange meet ups with their friends. It doesn't have to be snap chat and TikTok but their social lives will be impacted by not having access to one. Whether you opt for a Nokia dumb phone with WhatsApp or something else, they are also useful for homework, starting to use a shared calendar for time keeping, and for listening to music.

Banning an item altogether rather than implementing boundaries like charging downstairs overnight to minimise late night browsing, not teaching them to use it responsibly whilst you are still influential is a mistake.

Yes but in a slightly odd situation. DS1 (12, Y7) is a day boy at an almost full boarding school. He uses it for the walk to school (gets there for breakfast at 7am), hands it in and is given it back for the walk home (usually about 7pm). It’s then downstairs (and not his to be used) until next morning.

Three reasons we went down this route (rather than a dumb phone):

1. tracking him on the walk to school through fields
2. it can be used for his smart, noise cancelling headphones
3. He has pre approved WhatsApp contact with his grandparents, uncles and aunts and godparents

Dumb phone until Y9 here. I’ve joined the smartphone free childhood movement too.

It’s crazy how we’ve become much more cautious about what our children get up to outside yet allow any old Tom, Dick and Harry access to them in their home via a smart phone.

My 17yo says not to allow his younger siblings phones. I agree. He is a generation apart from his younger siblings. He feels there's no benefit to it. The 9yo and 7yo have phones to listen to music with headphones at night. They don't use them outside the house.

@HPandthelastwish i did search, yes. Although tbh it was specifically about the Swiped documentary a couple of days ago. Couldn’t see that when I’d searched, wondering if people’s opinions had changed.

DS is only 2 but yes, I imagine he’ll get one in Year 6.

They do have some merits but in terms of using it for SM and keeping in touch with friends, utterly pointless for P4 or P3 children.

Hell no

Agree with HP. DS is Y7 and has one, but with restrictions: no SM, only WhatsApp with max of 2 friends so no big groups, any website use has to be approved via family link, the only game loaded is pokemon go, etc etc. After the first month, the novelty wore off and he pretty much only uses it on pokemon go walks.

If it was banned, it would be so much more desirable to him (like Fortnite, that he asks for constantly).

The argument I can’t quite understand is when people say you need to teach children to use it responsibly. And how if you trust your children, it should be fine. IMO it’s not really to do with responsibility or trust. Children are often not always in control of what comes through on a whats app (or SM if they have it). You could trust your child all you like, but surely sometimes they can see something without ever actually seeking it out?

Yes I will. We have a year 7 who doesn’t have any phone & will get one for Xmas. He’s already missing out on mates chatting and arranging things. Absolutely no social media allowed, except WhatsApp which to me is just text messaging. Phone will go off at 9pm-8am, only works 2 hours a day except for phone calls & YouTube is blocked. No insta no TikTok no Snapchat; it’s a hill I will die on. I can see us keeping with this until 14/15 minimum.

Our eldest got one in yr7 and he’s yr8. it’s been no bother. I have checked it, there’s been no bullying or unkindness, he did find out Father Christmas wasn’t real by googling. Sad times. Nothing untoward has happened, it’s often left lying around, he isn’t wedded to it or insists it goes everywhere.

however. I agree that nothing good actually comes from it, and I do wish I hadn’t just bought another one 🙄

My DC got one in year 7. I removed safari, so he can't access the internet, but can still use apps for his homework etc. He also isn't on social media. Works well.

I will get mine one year 7ish. But nonscoial
media or unrestricted browsing until much later and it will go off 8pm-8am unless I extend.

My older DC had a phone with the same and it’s been a good balance. He has full access to OS maps which has helped him develop scouting skills which he’s really into, using public transport and he enjoys having his own photos from holiday etc.

The problem isn’t phones it’s bad parents.

I agree that is a weak argument. A strong argument is that you’d applied strong parental controls (with a password they don’t know/can't guess) and have had a lot of dialogue about the issues involved and that you reserve the right to go through it at anytime. I think with appropriate controls and parenting there is a path through, which is why I reject the smart phone free childhood stuff as it just seems to be pearl clutching without grasping the real issue.

Apparently our DC were the only ones in year 6 that didn’t have a phone. That was 2010 so I imagine it’s worse now. Our DC first phones were hand me downs, they had to show that they could look after a crappy phone before getting anything decent. I also refused to take out any type of contract. I did PAYG in return for doing chores. They took out their own contract when they turned 18. I also explained fully the dangers of sending any pictures of yourself. I equated it to seeing it on a billboard in the centre of town because once you send a picture you are putting it out there for all to see.

Agree with OP that it's not just about teaching our child to be responsible as you can't control what they are sent, and also telling them to act responsibly when these things weren't around for us is putting too much onus on THEM to manage it.
I did worry about WhatsApp but it feels like having a rule on only 2 others in a group (and they have to be friends who we know) has worked. Other friends have kids in groups of 20+ kids all going on about who they are going out with or who is hot, with 100's of messages every day. DS and his friends probably average one message every few days which is usually "you at school yet?"

You don't have to have social media on a smart phone! My DS had a smart phone and no social media. I had a tracker on it which is why I got him the phone, he had to walk to school alone due to where we lived and I liked the safety aspect of the tracker.

yes, a basic cheap one but only because she needs bus and map apps to get around to school etc. I've locked it down only with bare basics for apps and all control is through my phone. Without having a smartphone I can't track her on her long journey home (check she is doing ok), she can't check bus times easily, homework on the bus etc. I am not allowing whatsapp. her friends can text if they need to.

We've also made it clear that the phone is OURS but he is allowed to use it....so we reserve the right to take it back if it's used in a way we don't agree with.

DS is in year 8 and has a phone but heavily restricted with no what’s app and no SM. People said he would be isolated but he has made lots of friends, and these friends are not interested in SM , one doesn’t have a phone at all.

younger DS is at primary and i may not give him a phone at all when he goes to secondary.

You are right that it doesn’t matter how responsible your child is, it only takes one child to post something on a whats app group and your child will see it.

In a genuinely curious way, why do you see it as pearl clutching? And what do you see as the real
issue? Hoping that doesn’t come across as goady - interested as you obviously won’t be the only one who feels that.

also just wondered if so many parental controls are needed, why not get a non-smartphone? From pp’s responses, it seems like tracking is a real plus point.

Maybe when they need it for public transport or something... I'd rather give them a debit card to pay fares but I'll judge it as and when we discover that a certain app would be useful for them.

My eldest is 9 and has a Nokia with no internet and no camera, which is useful so she can call me after school to tell me where she's going or call her friends at the weekend to check if they're free.

My younger child is 7 and I'll give him something similar when he's 8.

I will never track my children.

This answers my previous post about why a smartphone can dumbphone. I do get it with regards to maps etc.

it’s actually really reassuring to hear a lot of people saying there’s either no SM or phones are heavily restricted.