Tired, so tired from it all

[Littlemonster908]

I'm 52. DH and 2 DC. 1 DC is ASD. He's 18 but we have to bath/wash/teeth for him, cook most dinners for him. He is not disabled physically but refuses to do these things.

10 30pm last night. I've already closed down the kitchen. DH is out. ASD DC then wants food cooking (due to food issues he eats on demand. Hed only had 1 meal so far that day and is under weight), the things I need for cooking are clean in the dishwasher. I empty the dish washer, get DC dinner on, retrieve all the plates of food from DC room (if I don't remove them then they will go mouldy and stink. He might bring down 1 plate but never all of them), scrape and full dishwasher reload. Cat is being violently sick. I clean it up. Several times. Finish & serve dinner. Tidy away. Closed down kitchen again. DH then rings to be picked up. It's now 11pm. I wake up this morning to a message from a friend asking for a favour again. I work FT. I am drained. Just totally drained.

Just needed to vent

That sounds exhausting.

1. you don’t have to say yes to a favour. Say no it isn’t a good time.

2. can anything be done about you picking you DH up from work? I’m hoping that it is a one off occurrence and not regular

3. you don’t have to do everything - just get the bowls you need from the dishwasher. The rest can wait.

You can’t pour from an empty cup, you need to look after yourself as well.

Your entitled to feel fed up.
Remember some of us live alone 62 , mid stage Parkinson’s , have severe health conditions, do it yourself or ask friend of you can.
You need to address the why he won’t do stuff your son , find support and solutions, you’re young too.

@Nsky62 sending hugs. That must be hard

Very unhelpful to have a comment saying basically they have it worse.

Anyway, that DOES sound exhausting, and having a rant might help a little. I have a disabled child so I know how endless it feels sometimes.

Just do everything you possibly can to make your life easier. DH gets a taxi, your friend gets a 'no, sorry' (I know this is hard to do, but practise), the tidy kitchen can wait.

Hi OP, how is your day going?

Why?

OP you need to say no to people wanting favours. You're burning out and it's time to be selfish. Why are you collecting your husband from work? There needs to be another plan.

My ASD kid does not get away with doing his bit though. Plates, washing, he tidied the playroom and his bedroom. If he refuses to do any of that he loses the WiFi until he has. It took a lot of me standing firm to get to that point. He's always known a chore from being little so probably less of a battle.

There are no answers to the eating on demand. If mines let loose on the kitchen he turns it into a bomb site. It's a work in progress but as he's never going to leave home I can take my time.

You also need some you time and that means husband taking over so you can have it. Burn out isn't pretty and can take ages to recover from.

This sounds so hard.

I know that care can be very difficult to access, but is there anyway you can get your son into a supported living environment, even if just for respite.

If this isn't possible, can you leave him with his father for a few days so you can have a few days off, even if it's just a local Travelodge, or could a family member stay fir a couple of days so both you and DH can spend some time off together? Your DS's hygeine might suffer but if it's only a couple of days it won't do any damage.

Hope you get a break from work at least over Christmas.

Sending hugs .
Sounds so hard.