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My dad passed away in the morning

39 replies

AnxietyLevelMax · 15/12/2024 21:26

3 yrs of terminal cancer. Last 6 months inhumane suffering. I was a daddy’s girl. and now i have no dad. Dont know how to explain my 4 yr old who adored him. And another one due in 2.5months wont even meet him. I am so so heartbroken

OP posts:
Fireworknight · 15/12/2024 22:18

Sorry for your loss.

MorphandMindy · 15/12/2024 22:20

Yes he will, for a while on his own, and then as he gets older you will help keep his memory alive with stories and memories of your own to fill in the gaps, and looking at pictures together. My nieces were 2 and 4 when my mum died and they still talk about her.

I'm sorry for your loss, it's so hard to see a beloved parent slip away from you in this way.

Rosieposy89 · 15/12/2024 22:21

I second the idea of a photo book. I talk about my sister to dd and we have photos of my sister around the house. I gave my dd my sister's name as her middle name (before we even had any idea of the cancer) which I'm glad I did. I hope the photos we have and the gifts my sister gave dd will mean she is not forgotten

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 15/12/2024 22:21

AnxietyLevelMax · 15/12/2024 21:26

3 yrs of terminal cancer. Last 6 months inhumane suffering. I was a daddy’s girl. and now i have no dad. Dont know how to explain my 4 yr old who adored him. And another one due in 2.5months wont even meet him. I am so so heartbroken

OMG I'm so sorry to hear this @AnxietyLevelMax

I imagine you're not very old either - with having such a young child.

Look after yourself, and your little one. Flowers

merryandbrightdelight · 15/12/2024 22:23

I am so sorry for your loss op Flowers

PigglyWigglyOhYeah · 15/12/2024 22:24

I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family.

murasaki · 15/12/2024 22:31

So sorry for your loss. As previous posters have said, you are always your daddy's girl.

AnxietyLevelMax · 15/12/2024 22:38

Thank you all.
i regret not having as many pictures with my dad. just the two of us. I like the photo book idea for my child. My husband and I will have a talk with DS tmrw evening as we are due to leave on Tuesday morning (have to travel on a plane as my parents dont live in UK). I have been really nasty to him all day, snappy and impatient.. feel really horrible.

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Sebsaloysius · 15/12/2024 22:51

I'm so, so sorry OP.

I lost both my parents within 9 weeks of each other earlier this year. I too was a Daddy's girl and my Mum was my best friend. In the days following my Dad's passing, I distinctly remember being convinced that I wouldn't be able to physically bear the loss, the grief and the absolute searing pain that I felt. Then Mum died and it happened all over again.

In these early days, the crushing grief you feel right now really will seem unsurmountable, but you WILL cope and somehow you'll stumble into another phase, and the next phase and so on. Sometimes, you'll go back to feeling you're right back at day one and you'll doubtless have days when you feel just as raw and destroyed as you do now. But somehow you'll muddle through, and the next day you'll feel different - not necessarily better or worse, but always subtly different.

I'm no expert at grief but after this year, I'm an expert at crying my bloody eyes out. The only thing I've learned is that there is no timeframe for grief, no consistent shape or form to it, and sometimes it feels there's no room inside you to cope with it. Oh, and it's utterly exhausting...

Talk, talk, talk - to anyone, anything and at any place. I literally talk to the wall sometimes. Lean on people close to you and allow them to help you heal. Tell people what they can do to help you, it helps them to help you. At some point, someone will likely say 'take one day at a time', ignore them....when things are REALLY bad, just take one damned minute at a time and literally focus on getting through that minute, then you can worry about the next.

I appreciate it's not everyone's bag, but I signed up to Sue Ryder grief support text messages and personally, I have found their 2 or 3 messages a week enlightening and really helpful. Might be something to have a look at?

My heart goes out to you x

Endofyear · 15/12/2024 23:17

I'm so sorry for your loss 💐 I lost my dad 9 years ago and miss him terribly 😔 the grief is less raw but we will always miss our dad, especially if he was your safe place. I was such a daddies girl and was his shadow when I was little. He was my favourite person in the world (until I had my children)

It's very raw for you now but don't hold it in - talk to your close friends and have a good cry when you need to. Be kind to yourself and just allow yourself time to grieve. Don't feel that you have to/should do anything, we all cope differently and you do what you need to do. You don't get over losing someone you loved but you do learn to live alongside that loss in time x

Lillixyng · 16/12/2024 11:09

@Sebsaloysius What a wonderful touching post and absolutely spot on. I wish Mumsnet was about to help me cope when I was suffering,

lifebyfaith · 16/12/2024 11:26

I'm truly sorry. I lost my dad a decade ago and it's a horrible journey but the grief usually does get less intense over time. Sending healing hugs.

AutumnOcean · 16/12/2024 11:38

AnxietyLevelMax · 15/12/2024 21:50

Thank you all. Wont reply to each one of you separately but I read all of your messages and really appreciate them.
do you think 4yr old will remember his grandad? He is turning 4 just after Christmas so technically he is still 3.

My granddad passed when I was your son's age. I remember him well and he sometimes visits me in dreams.
So very sorry for your loss.

AnxietyLevelMax · 16/12/2024 15:41

Thank you for your kind words.

@AutumnOcean this means a lot thank you. I really would like him to have some memories of his own

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