Moving away from home town. Then moving back again - The Reality?

[Humphreyshead]

I grew up and had children in my home town. Everything and everyone I knew was in that area. Family, friends, uni friends, colleagues, sports pals etc.

We moved 3hrs away for DH work when our children were 5 & 1. This was 10yrs ago. We’ve made a nice life for ourselves here with work and friends… the kids in particular. They are happy here.

But… Even in 10yrs I just don’t feel settled. I have a few sports pals but no close friendships like I have in my home town. I still keep in touch with some old friends and meet up when I visit family. But I’m worried this is just nostalgia for life pre kids & baby/toddler club life.

Me, DH and dd would move back in a heartbeat. DS, would as long as there’s his sport nearby!

But would the reality be any good?!

I know you can’t answer that for me! But has anyone moved away and then moved back? What were your experiences?

Thanks

Everywhere has changed in ten years.

You are chasing somewhere that no longer exists.

If you return it will not be the same. People will have moved on.

This doesn't mean you won't feel happier there, but your expectations are unlikely to match the reality.

You will be an outsider who may be perceived as having got the idea that they were 'better'.

Small towns are odd places.

Whatever you do, start looking forward instead of back.

This was what I am exactly afraid of!… I’m just hanging on to a dream that I’ll slot right back in to my old life.

But yes, everyone will have moved on. The kids might struggle to make friends and settle, this is my biggest worry.

You can never go back to how it used to be. Yes you may be closer to immediate family but friends will have moved on - they'll have different jobs, new friends and you'll have to break into those relationships.

I think your kids may have an easier time of it; they will have no pre-conceived ideas, only close family relationships and lots of other children at school to make friends with.

I moved back. My friends were open and welcoming. It was lovely to be near my family.
I had an amazing flat. Nice gym etc.

But I missed London and all it's amenities terribly.

So I'm back in London in a much smaller flat in a shittier area but I am much happier.

I moved back, but none of my social connections reestablished. We moved back for access to family, affordable houses and good schools. It was absolutely like starting from scratch, except we knew our way around town to an extent.

Every time I go back to my home I come away feeling a little depressed that I don’t have the same friendship groups in my new area… but there's so much history with my old friends that I’ll never replicate that where I am now.

I also understand that when I do see my friends we’re all in ‘holiday’ mode and specifically making time for each other to enjoy our company. I we did move back, how often would we realistically have these times together between life and work etc.

I think in just thinking is the grass greener? Or will I massively regret it!

I stumbled across your post OP as I have just put a post up about something similar. I’ve recently moved back to my hometown (had my kids elsewhere) and thought I wanted to be closer to family and have a bigger house (much more affordable in my hometown) but I’m really struggling with how I feel here. I miss my old life away from my hometown and the reality is, my hometown isn’t the same as when I grew up. I’ve moved my girls schools/nursery and now regretting it. It’s still early days but right now I wouldn’t have done it had I had the choice.
Whilst I get on well with my family I think it was better being an hour away - quality over quantity.

its been a few months since you’re original post - how are you feeling now?