My kids don't listen to me

[Crunchymum]

Aged 12, 10 and 7 (although the 7yo has SEN and to be honest is the better of the 3 kids when it comes to listening! For this thread I'm talking about my older 2)

I repeat and repeat myself, I rephrase myself, I explain, I cajole, I bargain. I even shout (more often than I'd like at the moment!)

They. Don't. Fucking. Listen.

I have to constantly ask, repeat, remind them both about every little thing. Homework, chores, school bags but the main sticking point is their behaviour together. They are either arguing or pissing about, there is no real in-between.

We end up in conflict several times a day as I've asked them to do / not do something (usually the same things - don't argue, do play nicely, don't screech, do try and agree on something you can both do) and as usual they don't listen.

They are fine at school and with others (they aren't as bad for DP but the problem is there). They are fine out of the house. But it's winter and we're home together a fair bit.

They have limited screen time, they both do hobbies and have friends.

How can I get them to start listening to me? If they started listening and doing 50% of what they are asked / told without the drama then my life would be so much easier.

To be honest OP they sound a bit impulsive and disorganised, but they aren't bad kids. What you are doing with supporting them to use timetables is probably going to be more effective than punishing them. I have ADHD and I use digital timers to keep myself on track. Would anything like that help?

Supporting them with timetables is a great idea, but this is separate from the messing around and not listening. Make sure you stick with the consequence today and tonight OP, and tell them that if they mess around again they will lose both chocs and not get them back. Also - don't ask several times. Ask once with a warning and then apply the consequence.

I agree they don't sound that bad. Even though they are older ours go up earlier as they are up at 6.30 for school. 8.15 and 8.30 they are woken every morning so I know it's not too early. They faff drying hair/washing faces and moisturising then chat and read until 9.30ish, sometimes a little later. I only ask them to keep it down if they are being really noisy.

They are prompted to check their school bags/timetable the evening before school as there is no time in the morning. They leave 7.20.

I think there's a difference between not listening to your instructions and not arguing.

I don't know that it's possible to stop siblings arguing completely.

Consequences for not listening to your instructions definitely.

What are they arguing about? Are there regular flashpoints (eg one goes into other's bedroom etc?)