When we got together, my DD was 7 and he had established family traditions. We moved into his house and I didn’t feel like I had a right to challenge anything, I was a bit of a doormat after my first husband was done with me.
DH (DP at the time) went out FIL to the pub on Xmas eve and would come back about 11, rather merry. He would get up early on Xmas day and take MIL to church. Then we would have breakfast, open a few presents and PIL rock up at 11, we host and they would leave at 11. At noon, BIL will turn up with family. Every year, without fail, until FIL passed away 3 years ago. Now he does not go to the pub, and dynamic is different as DD comes home on Xmas eve.
Seems like a perfectly good arrangement. But I have always felt abandoned on Xmas Eve. I have occasionally resented now having a lie in due to early church going. I have felt annoyed to never have been asked if I wanted to do something different and always assumed to host, us cooking same thing as PIL were set in their ways. I guess I always felt like an add-on to DH family at Christmas rather than making our own traditions.
DH family were most kind to us, and 20 years later none of them know how bitter and resent I still feel about having to entertain hem at Christmas. At first I didn’t want to upset anyone and it’s too late now, I would not want them to know that I sometimes had to make a lot of effort to be cheerful and welcoming. I just feel like I have never had a Christmas “I” wanted. No point or question, just wanted to get this off my chest.