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Original poster

Still cut up about best friend blocking me

29 replies

spanieleyes22 · 15/12/2024 13:27

It's been about 6 weeks since she blocked me. I sent her a Christmas card but nothing. I'm still sad and I miss her. This time of year we always used chat about what we are getting our kids and plans for Xmas. 17 years of friendship. It didn't even seem like a major argument. I thought we would get over it. After so many years I suppose I'm feeling really let down that I obvs wasn't as good a friend as I had thought in that she could drop me so fast without even trying to make up. Anyway I had had some hope she might relent coming up to Xmas - Christmas spirit and all that. Anyone else struggling with something like this. I think of her every day. I mean I still get on with everything but she's at the back of my mind. I miss her that's all.

OP posts:
MrsSchrute · 15/12/2024 13:40

What did you argue about?

Elektra1 · 15/12/2024 13:41

The end of a close friendship can feel worse than the end of a romantic relationship. It's happened to me and I thought about her for years. Still do, occasionally (it was over a decade ago).

Have you tried reaching out to her? You don't say what the argument was about, but perhaps it's something a heartfelt apology could put right? Life is short and rarely as simple as "you're wrong, I'm right". And anyway, as my dad often says, "would you rather be right, or happy?"

gamerchick · 15/12/2024 13:41

Whatever you argued about was either a massive thing for her or a last straw. Blocking a friend is mega emotions going on I think.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 15/12/2024 13:50

Well she started pulling away and I tried really really hard to say nothing and be cool with it. She was saying she was "just busy" and I will regret it forever but I questioned her and said was it something I had done had I offended her and she said no she was just busy. But then one day I lashed out not terrible or anything I just said I felt it was a bit mean of her. It was a text. I was upset. I missed her. But she got very defensive and said she couldn't be friends with someone who didn't respect her space or something like that and blocked me . I did apologize loads but I'm not sure if she saw the messages. I think she mite have seen one. I wish I could
Turn back the clock and say nothing and do nothing and then we might still
Be friends. I don't know if I had already said or done something but she didn't want to say so said she was busy. I don't know. It just felt very strange. So I feel like she had decided to decrease the friendship even before I sent that text: I don't know. I sent her a card as she blocked me on everything. Then I sent a Xmas card last week and said I was so so so sorry and I didn't mean it and I missed her: I was genuine: anyway: am sad .

OP posts:
ImNotThereAmI · 15/12/2024 14:08

Sounds like she over reacted op. If thats all there is to it, she might come round

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 15/12/2024 14:12

I hope so. I don't feel any resentment to her or anything and I'm so sorry and regretful I really have beat myself up over it . Have a teeny hope.

OP posts:
Muthaofcats · 15/12/2024 14:31

Sounds like she’s withdrawn from you before that and you just gave her a good excuse.
Have you been posting offensive things online, political stuff or anything else that you think makes you seem like a good person but to someone else might be viewed very differently ? That or she’s got something awful going on right now and you being needy and making it aboht you had just pushed her over the edge. I would leave it now. There’s nothing you can do if someone doesn’t want to be your friend right now. Hopefully she’ll come back to you. I guess depends on the reason she’s pulled away. You have to respect that.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 15/12/2024 14:38

OP, I don't think what you said even matters - it was the excuse she was looking for to end the friendship. If it hadn't have been that, it would have been something else.

Stop reaching out. Stop apologising. I don't think it's going to help.

And I'm not meaning to be harsh at all. I'm two years on from falling out with my best friend and it's honestly the hardest relationship I've ever had to get over. I completely understand how you're feeling. But, to spare any more hurt you need to stop trying.

Mary46 · 15/12/2024 14:41

Its hurtful op. I would just leave it now. I had a 24 yr friendship and it ended badly. She had alot going on but still. But as you say its hurtful

FedupMumof10YearOld · 15/12/2024 14:44

If she was a true friend then she would have respected how you felt and done more to make it work. Her response tells you that unfortunately despite the years, that she isn't.

It will hurt but it will get better xxx

DaisyChain505 · 15/12/2024 14:49

It sounds like she’s got bigger things going on in her life and has lashed out and put all the anger in your direction.

Could there be problems in her marriage, menopause, and illness you don’t know about?

I would reach out with a letter and let her know you value your friendship, you want to mend things and you hope she can find it in her heart to reach out to you then leave her be and see what comes.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 15/12/2024 14:53

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 15/12/2024 14:38

OP, I don't think what you said even matters - it was the excuse she was looking for to end the friendship. If it hadn't have been that, it would have been something else.

Stop reaching out. Stop apologising. I don't think it's going to help.

And I'm not meaning to be harsh at all. I'm two years on from falling out with my best friend and it's honestly the hardest relationship I've ever had to get over. I completely understand how you're feeling. But, to spare any more hurt you need to stop trying.

This👆I'm afraid this friendship is done. Let it go. 💐

Ottersmith · 15/12/2024 15:06

Is there a pattern in the friendship of her trying to make you feel better all the time and maintain the friendship to make you feel better? If my friends are going through something and they want to be left alone, I respect that. I understand that it's not about me. We can not talk for months but I know we are still friends. Maybe she found the friendship too much hard work, especially if she had other things going on. Why would you think it was about you when she told you she was busy? This sounds like the straw that broke the camels back for her. It's exhausting trying to reassure someone that you're really their friend all the time.

NantesElephant · 15/12/2024 15:10

I would reach out to her. It is likely she genuinely needs space, not being cut off from you forever.

buttonousmaximous · 15/12/2024 15:13

I'm guessing she pulled away because the friendship had become less of a priority to her and when you pulled her up on it she walked away because she doesn't want to go back to how things were.

I would advise you move on because she didn't want the same as you so you were always going to feel inadequate and that's not a nice way to feel

EmmaMaria · 15/12/2024 15:23

FedupMumof10YearOld · 15/12/2024 14:44

If she was a true friend then she would have respected how you felt and done more to make it work. Her response tells you that unfortunately despite the years, that she isn't.

It will hurt but it will get better xxx

To be fair, that cuts both ways. The OP's friend clearly needed space and instead of getting that when she said she was busy, the OP pushed and then lashed out at her. I can quite understand how the friend might have taken a step back from a relationship with someone who is not respecting what she is saying.

OP, you've sent the card. Now you just have to accept that things will either resolve or they will not.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 15/12/2024 15:41

Ottersmith · 15/12/2024 15:06

Is there a pattern in the friendship of her trying to make you feel better all the time and maintain the friendship to make you feel better? If my friends are going through something and they want to be left alone, I respect that. I understand that it's not about me. We can not talk for months but I know we are still friends. Maybe she found the friendship too much hard work, especially if she had other things going on. Why would you think it was about you when she told you she was busy? This sounds like the straw that broke the camels back for her. It's exhausting trying to reassure someone that you're really their friend all the time.

I don't think I was needy. Honestly the friendship wasn't ever that deep. It was pretty light hearted I didn't really confide in her about things. I mean I didn't ever moan I don't think I did anyways. But who knows obvs she started to dislike me for some reason. I honestly don't believe there was anything serious going on for her in the background. She's very happily married. No drama.

OP posts:
ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 15/12/2024 15:45

spanieleyes22 · 15/12/2024 13:50

Well she started pulling away and I tried really really hard to say nothing and be cool with it. She was saying she was "just busy" and I will regret it forever but I questioned her and said was it something I had done had I offended her and she said no she was just busy. But then one day I lashed out not terrible or anything I just said I felt it was a bit mean of her. It was a text. I was upset. I missed her. But she got very defensive and said she couldn't be friends with someone who didn't respect her space or something like that and blocked me . I did apologize loads but I'm not sure if she saw the messages. I think she mite have seen one. I wish I could
Turn back the clock and say nothing and do nothing and then we might still
Be friends. I don't know if I had already said or done something but she didn't want to say so said she was busy. I don't know. It just felt very strange. So I feel like she had decided to decrease the friendship even before I sent that text: I don't know. I sent her a card as she blocked me on everything. Then I sent a Xmas card last week and said I was so so so sorry and I didn't mean it and I missed her: I was genuine: anyway: am sad .

I’ve just fallen out with a friend. She’s taking no responsibility at all for the fall out, we are both at fault. And has decided she doesn’t want to speak to me for a couple more weeks. She doesn’t know, because I’ve not replied, but I’m done with the friendship. I won’t be treated this way and picked up and put down when convenient. I have friends in my life that are drama free, I’ll leave her to her misery alone.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 15/12/2024 15:45

buttonousmaximous · 15/12/2024 15:13

I'm guessing she pulled away because the friendship had become less of a priority to her and when you pulled her up on it she walked away because she doesn't want to go back to how things were.

I would advise you move on because she didn't want the same as you so you were always going to feel inadequate and that's not a nice way to feel

Yes I think that might be right. I'm coming to accept it but I have found it very hard and it seemed to come totally out of nowhere. I'd love to know what happened on her side. She was quite subtle. I showed my dd the messages and she she thought it was strange too. So sudden. Anyway. I'll
Be better when Xmas is over I think. Brings back memories of the happy times we had. Silly isn't it. This is worse than some break ups.

OP posts:
Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 15/12/2024 15:50

@ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes that is sad I'm sorry. I do have moments of anger where I think what did I do that was so bad. Blocking someone and the silent treatment is so horrible. It triggers me cos my ex used to use silence as a weapon and it was really awful. You just feel so helpless. Sometimes I think I always used encourage my kids to make up with each other and their friends: why do some adults immediately go to block and delete. I guess they just can't be bothered to put the work in to try and resolve it. Surely if there's a friendship of so many years and so much history. Even if it fizzles out for a while it seems
Very extreme for block and delete forever. Like did I deserve that.

OP posts:
ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 15/12/2024 15:52

spanieleyes22 · 15/12/2024 15:50

@ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes that is sad I'm sorry. I do have moments of anger where I think what did I do that was so bad. Blocking someone and the silent treatment is so horrible. It triggers me cos my ex used to use silence as a weapon and it was really awful. You just feel so helpless. Sometimes I think I always used encourage my kids to make up with each other and their friends: why do some adults immediately go to block and delete. I guess they just can't be bothered to put the work in to try and resolve it. Surely if there's a friendship of so many years and so much history. Even if it fizzles out for a while it seems
Very extreme for block and delete forever. Like did I deserve that.

It’s extreme but the most powerful response is no response at all. Remain unbothered.

jennywrites · 15/12/2024 16:12

Op,

Friendship loss is one of the most painful types of loss that no one talks about.

You liked her, she liked you.
That was all true.
Even though the friendship changed it doesn't mean those feelings weren't valid or real.

You might find your way back to each other someday, after you have had time and space, or, you might not.

Things change. She might need something different now, and that's ok.

Allow yourself to grieve for your friendship, it is ok to feel sad and hurt.

But don't keep apologising, and searching for a reason that you may never find, and know that it's ok to let it go.

You will be ok Smile

YourWildAmberSloth · 15/12/2024 16:15

spanieleyes22 · 15/12/2024 15:41

I don't think I was needy. Honestly the friendship wasn't ever that deep. It was pretty light hearted I didn't really confide in her about things. I mean I didn't ever moan I don't think I did anyways. But who knows obvs she started to dislike me for some reason. I honestly don't believe there was anything serious going on for her in the background. She's very happily married. No drama.

Show quote history

I'm confused. You say she was your best friend but then say it was never that deep, light-hearted and you didn't really confide in her. Doesn't sound like best-friends to me. She might have been going through things that you know nothing about, she appears happily married and no-drama but if the friendship was as surface level as you are now saying, there may have been drama going on that she didn't share with you. I don't think it means that she obviously started to dislike you - could just be that the friendship wasn't that deep for either of you. Sounds like it's time to move on.

Fannyfiggs · 15/12/2024 16:29

Ah OP I'm sorry you're sad.

I had a falling out with a friend. She started seeing a man I wasn't keen on and he didn't like us (me, DH and another couple we were friends with) One day she just stopped replying and blocked me. I think the new man had a lot to do with it. I was really upset and, like you with your friend, she was constantly on my mind. She got in touch about a year later saying she had been depressed but would love to see me. We went out for dinner a couple of times but it was never the same. I haven't spoken to her in about 15 years now.

I suppose what I'm saying is no matter what happens, your friendship with this person will never be the same. Grieve for your friendship now and leave her be.

CunningLinguist1 · 13/03/2025 19:10

spanieleyes22 · 15/12/2024 15:50

@ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes that is sad I'm sorry. I do have moments of anger where I think what did I do that was so bad. Blocking someone and the silent treatment is so horrible. It triggers me cos my ex used to use silence as a weapon and it was really awful. You just feel so helpless. Sometimes I think I always used encourage my kids to make up with each other and their friends: why do some adults immediately go to block and delete. I guess they just can't be bothered to put the work in to try and resolve it. Surely if there's a friendship of so many years and so much history. Even if it fizzles out for a while it seems
Very extreme for block and delete forever. Like did I deserve that.

She clearly said she needed space. You minimised that (with “or something like that”) & then proceeded to go on about how you don’t know why or what you did.
She told you. Clearly.

You continued to ignore it and make it about your want and wishes.

i am sorry this has happened to you. It stings. But she owes you no friendship. She is clearly done with it and has moved on.

YOU miss her - but sadly that’s for YOU to grieve, process & move on from.
She has done nothing wrong.