Did you find someone else after a marriage ?

[Bishhhon]

Married with 2 young kids. It’s been a bit tough. I don’t know if it’s a rough patch of if I’m mentally checking out.

I’ll list quickly some issues as it’s nothing bad like cheating etc, but DH is a lazy person which creeps into his parenting, he is bone idle there. Loves our kids but yes most the childcare is me. He’s gotten lazy with our relationship makes jokes about lack of sex but when I’m doing all the housework and childcare I have no energy! I work too! He’s quite abrupt and will snap at me sometimes. I think he can be quite cruel and impatient to me like even when we had a nice family day once he said do you want a pat on the back for planning it - which made me sad but I didn’t let it ruin the day.

so that’s a summary. I’m wondering are we in a rough patch? I don’t want to run as I would like to get back to what we were like but a new version, and make things work for our family.

However, lately thoughts in my mind have just floated around. It’d be hard being a single parent anyway, mainly financial aspect as I said I do pretty much all childcare anyway I’d just be living alone if I was a single parent!

but I thought no one will really want me will they? I am youngish I’m 26. I’m quite slim I’m 5’6 but I’ve got 2 kids. If I meet a man my age who doesn’t have kids won’t this put him off? I just get the feeling like if I end this in a pursuit to find someone who makes me over the moon happy then I’d just end up alone and the grass isn’t always greener type of thing ?

You need to make this decision based on you and your children. Not on whether you're guaranteed another relationship. Do it for yourself.

If you are looking for someone without children, you are going to be excluded from a large proportion of men who aren’t interested in someone with dc.

Doubt you will be alone, it will just be less choice.

Yes.

I found myself.

Slow down OP, you are a married woman you should be focusing on that for now. Everyone fantasises about another life or a better version of it. You may be attributing your frustration with the daily grind to your DH or maybe things really are in trouble, either way this is what your focus should be on. In theory I'm sure you will have no problem meeting someone but if you do you'll still be doing all the parenting and housework, your new romantic partner isn't going to start the relationship by helping with laundry or grocery shopping.

What you need is a break, and a lot more help around the house. I would think a few days away alone to contemplate life and relax would be the best thing for you right now. I think you need to have a very serious chat with DH about doing his share, he needs to know how desperate you have become. I suspect he is a bit oblivious. Maybe couples counselling if he isn't listening to you. The best thing for you and your kids would be a better domestic situation so work on this first. Good luck.

I was in a relationship where I did all the childcare, housework etc and I was bone tired. 2 little children. I thought about leaving but couldn’t bring myself to deprive the children of a dad and he wasn’t violent. I realised later he was deeply depressed and inert in these states. Hours spent watching tv and hiding in bed. Not speaking to me. But we had a tragedy in our lives and I became depressed. He left.

And in a way I was relieved though scared. I did have a number of lonely and hard years, that is true. But fast forward 3 decades and I’m married to a cheerful, sociable soul and we sing together (tho I still do all the housework 🤷‍♀️). Blended family, lots of people and on good speaking terms with my ex. Happy.

Just my story. Can you talk to your DH? Do you feel he loves you? Can you ask for more help from anywhere?

wishing you very well OP.

He says he loves me. He’s said he thinks I only prioritise the kids and I’m ’just A mum’ and nothing else matters to me

He’s right in the sense of my kids are my number 1 priority, but when he says stuff like that I just get more annoyed that he wants me to prioritise him have sex with him look after him like a man child - when he’s lazy as!!!!

NB: I do know if I did split up with DH and I did find someone else they wouldn’t be doing the share of childcare for my kids and maybe not housework haha! It’s not that I’m looking for in a man. I just get annoyed that DH expects so much from me (even moans when he can’t find his washing I’m just about to put away!!!)