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Original poster

Would you let DC go to the wedding?

53 replies

greenpumpkinss · 13/12/2024 15:44

ExH who has them EOW has asked me if DC (7&5, both in school) can have a Friday off end of January for his cousin's wedding. They're invited to the whole thing, ceremony, food, party etc. Would you be okay with this? I hate the DC having absences from school and haven't yet ever given them a day off for anything other than sickness.

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 13/12/2024 16:08

I'm guessing he has PR?

If he does then he can apply to the school for an absense for the wedding.

However much you may not agree he doesn't need your permission.

I wouldn't do it for a cousins wedding myself. But then again I work in a school and couldn't get the time off for that.

I did get a day off for my brothers wedding.

MumonabikeE5 · 13/12/2024 16:08

Yes, I would make that possible.
of course.
they should enjoy wider family occasions
and weddings are significant events for families.

Honeycrisp · 13/12/2024 16:10

If the only issue is absence, then no I wouldn't give a shit about that. The wedding takes precedence over one day of school.

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Anotherworrier · 13/12/2024 16:10

Of course

biscuitsandbooks · 13/12/2024 16:11

Of course!

PuddlesPityParty · 13/12/2024 16:12

greenpumpkinss · 13/12/2024 15:48

@AnneLovesGilbert a very close family member like a sibling, yes. Not for a cousin.

Cousins are close family to some. It’s one day and they’re in primary school.

Hollietree · 13/12/2024 16:12

Not sure why he is asking your permission. He is their Father and can also make decisions for them.

He needs to contact the school and ask for permission to take them out for the day.

It’s important that you don’t fill out the permission forms in your name, as then any potential fine will go directly to him and not you (presuming you are in UK).

IAmNeverThePerson · 13/12/2024 16:13

another vote for yes.

PullTheBricksDown · 13/12/2024 16:13

If they were teenagers in an exam year I might feel concerned, but for the ages you've given, I would let them go.

BodyKeepingScore · 13/12/2024 16:14

I would. Being included in wider family celebrations is a really positive experience for children.

NoahsTortoise · 13/12/2024 16:16

Yes I would definitely allow this, it's just one day.

Original poster
greenpumpkinss · 13/12/2024 16:16

I have said it's okay but I'll need to sort the school.

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 13/12/2024 16:49

Yes I would.

But, why do you need to sort the school - surely that is his admin to sort?

Hollietree · 13/12/2024 17:49

Chasingsquirrels · 13/12/2024 16:49

Yes I would.

But, why do you need to sort the school - surely that is his admin to sort?

Exactly, you are not your ex’s PA. And you also risk being sent a fine for an unauthorised absence! If he sorts out the form for school, then if any fine is issued it will be sent out to him and not you.

Mamasperspective · 13/12/2024 17:57

I would say that a request should be put into the school giving the honest reason for the request and have them make the decision - if they say no then it's a no and if there is a fine, it will be DH's responsibility to pay for it. Generally schools can be flexible with immediate family but a cousin? Not sure

GrumpyCactus · 13/12/2024 18:01

Hollietree · 13/12/2024 17:49

Exactly, you are not your ex’s PA. And you also risk being sent a fine for an unauthorised absence! If he sorts out the form for school, then if any fine is issued it will be sent out to him and not you.

Show quote history

No one is getting a fine for one days absence...

Tiswa · 13/12/2024 18:05

Hollietree · 13/12/2024 17:49

Exactly, you are not your ex’s PA. And you also risk being sent a fine for an unauthorised absence! If he sorts out the form for school, then if any fine is issued it will be sent out to him and not you.

Show quote history

It is 5 days or 10 sessions so I don’t think 1 day will effect this and if it did it would be both of them who got fined as it is per parent so would go to both of them

one day won’t make any difference though

mindutopia · 13/12/2024 18:16

Yes, but would depend when the wedding is. 4pm on the Friday and it’s 2 hours away, yes. 5pm on Friday and it’s just in the same town, 10 minutes away, no, I’d expect him to collect them, get them dressed on the way and go straight to the wedding. It just totally depends on whether missing school would be necessary or just a convenience for him because he wants to start drinking early.

On that note: It would also be important for me to know how he was going to handle bedtime. Realistically, a 7 & 5 year old aren’t going to last until midnight and then the after party in cousin Harry’s hotel room. He’s going to realistically need to leave and get them to bed, yes, later than a normal bedtime but definitely before 12-1am when most of the adults will be retiring. I’d want to know how he planned to handle that (hopefully safely and not too drunkenly). Nothing to do with missing school but everything to do with flying solo at a wedding with kids. And I’d ask him to make a weekend of it and bring them home on Sunday. So they get max time with family and not just dumped back to you overtired at 10am on Saturday.

Pumpkincozynights · 13/12/2024 18:19

Yes but let him sort it with school.

SparkyBlue · 13/12/2024 18:20

Absolutely yes it would occur to me not to

ginasevern · 13/12/2024 18:25

It will be a very long day for them, especially the 5 year old. Does he mean the evening party too? I agree that I'd probably feel differently if it was his sister's wedding, rather than a cousin. I suppose it depends if they're very close (to warrant taking his kids I mean) but by your comments you don't seem to think they are.

RosieLeaf · 13/12/2024 18:30

Yes

DaisyChain505 · 13/12/2024 18:32

Yes I would.

they’re invited and if they want to go they should.

life is too short to miss out on these occasions because of missing one day at school.

EdithStourton · 13/12/2024 18:57

Yes, I would.
I think it's important for children to participate in rites of passage like weddings.

CandyCane457 · 13/12/2024 19:15

Of course I’d be okay with this, it will be a lovely day for the children.