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Finding ordinary tasks overwhelming, is this normal?

13 replies

BarbaraVineFan · 12/12/2024 21:19

I am a single mum to a 5 year old and work full time, so my life is pretty busy and hectic! I am used to a certain level of stress and can deal with it. However, recently I have noticed myself getting really stressed out and overwhelmed by the smallest things.

For example, having to do the washing up from dinner after I come down from putting my daughter to bed feels like a mammoth task. Or as another example, this evening I realised that as well as going to the bank on Saturday I will need to buy stamps, and both of these things made me feel really stressed and as though it will be a really difficult task. I can see objectively that these are not a big deal, but I can't seem to stop myself feeling really stressed about it.

What is this? Is it normal or am I developing some kind of anxiety disorder or is it something else? If anyone who knows what I mean could answer, I would be really grateful. Thank you.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 12/12/2024 21:25

It sounds like overwhelm from burnout to me. I really struggled with incredibly mundane tasks when I was buried under work and family stress to the point it was breaking me. People will come along and tell you it’s ADHD or perimenopause no doubt, but for me, under very similar circumstances, it was just burnout. I actually took an extended period of time off work sick, and also made some lifestyle changes, and it was life changing.

FinaleyDee · 12/12/2024 21:31

I really feel for you - I’m in a similar boat although my child is a couple of years older. The sheer dread I feel when I realise I’ve got to go back down after bed time to load the dishwasher or prep bags etc for the next day. I could cry (and do) sometimes. Some of the tasks are so small and easy that my reaction seems way over the top. But it feels like there is always something.
other times I feel like I’m on top of it all and nailing life! Never seems to be a happy medium though.

BarbaraVineFan · 12/12/2024 21:34

Thank you @mindutopia, that is interesting to read! Weirdly I don't get the feeling at work at all, even though I have a very fast paced and stressful job. It's just at home. But anyway, I can't take time off work, as I don't have any other means of support for my daughter except my income.

OP posts:
BarbaraVineFan · 12/12/2024 21:35

@FinaleyDee thank you!! It sounds as though we are in exactly the same boat. Do you have any strategies for dealing with it at all?

OP posts:
Username10099 · 12/12/2024 21:37

I understand what you're saying, I've had moments like that myself they don't last for me I usually pick up and get on with it the next day but I do know what you mean by dreading doing something just one more thing in the day.

I don't know if this is the case but I find this time of year always to be very stressful with Christmas coming up.
It's stressful for an awful lot of people and sometimes it's just enough to push you over the edge.
I'm sorry that you feel this way I hope it gets better for you soon.

BarbaraVineFan · 12/12/2024 21:59

I'm also getting pain in my shoulders, which I think is stress related, because if I think consciously about it, I can relax them.

OP posts:
FinaleyDee · 13/12/2024 05:41

BarbaraVineFan · 12/12/2024 21:35

@FinaleyDee thank you!! It sounds as though we are in exactly the same boat. Do you have any strategies for dealing with it at all?

Some times I do none of the tasks the night before just so I can rest (eg don’t put the dishwasher on, don’t tidy up, don’t get uniform ready) then when I come down in the morning I regret it. But I really did need that extra half hour rest the night before.

The only thing that has really helped is making lots of lists and getting things done as soon as I get in from work, rather than after my child has gone to bed. It eats into the time we spend together as we don’t get home until dinner time, but it seems to work. I seem to get it done quicker too!

Once a week I usually look at the week ahead in detail, and glance over the month ahead for major events like birthday, nativity etc. and add as much as I can to a to do list. I have one urgent list and one not so urgent list. I do my food shop online and order as much as I can with it e.g stack of kids birthday cards, stamps, wrapping paper, restock medicine in advance. Amazon helps me out with the rest. It helps to avoid needing last minute/late night trips out to the shop with a child.

I’m also not afraid to strike some jobs off the to do list if I really can’t be bothered/don’t have to! Some are ‘would be nice to do’ tasks that really aren’t essential so after a while, rather than stress over doing it, I just don’t!

Also working a day or two a week from home really helps me logistically and mentally. I save 2 hours on a commute and I can get a load of washing on at breakfast and out the machine on lunch. Or get a weekly food shop delivered at lunch for example. Lunch breaks can also be used to do trips to shops I really don’t want to drag a child to!

When my ex moved out I threw money at a few things to make my life easier - dishwasher, Dyson hair dryer to speed up getting ready, a handyman to plough through the 12 job list that my ex ignored, a gardener to trim the hedge and a weekly cleaner. This all helped me no end and got me on an even keel, and as I rarely go ‘out out’ anymore, the money goes towards the cleaner instead.

I’m not sure if you have a dishwasher but I read one tip on here that said try and get it on as early in the evening as you can - that way you can empty it before bed, so it’s ready for the next day when you get up. It felt like such a ballache and ANOTHER job to do, but I’ve done it a couple of times and it makes a huge difference!

Sorry this has ended up such a long post, but finally, a night or two a week I give in and go to bed at the same time as my child! Sometimes I read or watch tv, sometimes I go straight to sleep just for the reset. Might not be doable for everyone but I need a lot of sleep and struggle without it.

FinaleyDee · 13/12/2024 10:17

Sorry to go on, but I also wanted to add something….please don’t be too hard on yourself. We are all trying our best but it’s not always possible to give 100% every single day.

I think the answer is acceptance. One day you might give 100%, the next day you might only be able to give 30%, the day after that 60%. And that’s OK. Don’t beat yourself up on the days that you can’t give more than you thought you would be able/wanted to.
Accept that you have done what you’re able to at that time. Tomorrow is a new day and a chance for a different day.

I haven’t done it for a while but I found journaling before bed really helped, and I felt ‘lighter’ before I went to sleep. I also tried Yoga with Adrienne a few times and felt incredible after but just couldn’t keep the momentum going. I only did the beginners/easy 5-10 minute shorts but the change in how I felt was remarkable.

And lastly fill your freezer with batch cooked meals and have a few store cupboard things like microwave rice (Veetee is great) on hand, so you can whip out a meal from the freezer at short notice on days you don’t feel like cooking. The time you’ve saved cooking gives you a bit of time back and time with your child :)

tokyolunchbowl · 13/12/2024 10:30

Similar to PP I get like that when I am starting to burn out and feeling it quicker at home vs work as at work you feel more like you need to push through

Then I realise I have usually dropped all my usual self care activities and am going to bed too late / waking too early

No magic solution

Can you drop some balls at work intentionally for a bit? - leave early, start late, wfh more - and get more sleep

Triffid1 · 13/12/2024 10:38

How old are you OP? This, along with occassional nightsweats/over heating, was actually the first symptom of peri menopause. And when it got really bad, people I loved told me to go see a doctor as it was so unlike me! But it started quite small and took a while to build up to the point where I realised I was barely functioning. INcidentally, oen thing that I think really helped slow it down was Omega 3. I started taking it for other reasons a few years before but it helped with this low level anxiety too and probably helped me to delay HRT for quite a long time.

Having said that, I think it can also just be that we live in stressful, busy, exhausting times and at this time of year that feels even worse. So taking time out for yourself, trying to get on top of things so life is less stressfu etc, are also good tips.

betterangels · 13/12/2024 10:46

Perimenopause did this to me. You have my sympathy.

BarbaraVineFan · 13/12/2024 13:29

Thanks everyone for really helpful and supportive replies! I am 45, so it might indeed be peri menopause. I will investigate further!

OP posts:
Triffid1 · 13/12/2024 13:31

BarbaraVineFan · 13/12/2024 13:29

Thanks everyone for really helpful and supportive replies! I am 45, so it might indeed be peri menopause. I will investigate further!

Oh yes. Sounds like it then. I have spoken to lots of women who said the same about feeling overwhelmed in mid 40s

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