Would you stretch yourselves for the perfect house?

[overthinkersanonnymus]

I have found a beautiful house on a very sort after street and I'm so torn on what to do. I put a really cheeky offer in (30k below asking!) and as expected, was knocked back. She won't budge from full asking.

My current house is fine, 3 beds, 2 bathrooms, drive, decent sized garden etc but this one is a real upgrade. It would mean doubling out mortgage 🫣

We don't have children (unexplained infertility) so it could still happen, although after 2 years of trying, I doubt it. Not with out help anyway.

Would you stretch yourself in order to get the right house?

I've done it several times (thanks to a pie in the sky exh - I'm currently renovating house number 14, painfully slowly) and it depends on so many variables.

If it's an absolute dream home that you can see yourselves in for years to come, and if you could cope with whatever level of strain it put on finances, go for it. BUT it's very hard to manage with zero budget for making it your own, possibly for years on end, and nobody knows what's ahead (especially if you hate your jobs/might have children in future). A lot depends on your attitude to risk and how much it would mean to you. I don't regret pushing myself on occasion, but I do regret being endlessly pressured into moving on and essentially having been in unfinished projects with zero spare money/time for fun/comforts for the past 25 years.

Write lots of pros and cons lists and really take note of how you feel about each one. Some will carry more weight than others so listen to your instincts!

No.

Not for that much difference in price. Particularly if you are considering IVF or continuing or pursuing a family another way. IVF is expensive and stressful and hard around a busy job. Then if you do have children money is tighter and you probably won't want to both work full time.

You are still fairly young by the sounds of it with no dependents so you are in the absolute prime of your life to make this leap, although it might be tight for a few years, financially in the long term you will have far more equity when you come to retire and downsize, look at it more of investing your money for the future rather than increasing your costs now, hope that makes sense.

No, I don’t think so, but I might be tempted to look at what was out there for £250k as a middle ground. If you both hate your jobs no way do you want to be stuck with no flexibility to change or get out because the mortgage is such a bind.

I did it and absolutely regretted stretching ourselves so thin. It was miserable. We had no money to do anything, living on a financial knife edge as bills started to rise. The dream very quickly evaporated and turned into a nightmare. We sold and went into rented for a while just to escape.

Now we live in a small house, mortgage free, money in the bank and two kid who can go to the local independent school. I can sleep at night and buy nice things for the house whenever I want. I've just finished a major renovation but will soon be planning a lovely holiday.

In this economic climate, with jobs you hate I think it would be a major mistake to stretch yourself so thin.

We're planning to do this for our next house. This would be for the absolutely perfect house that we'd stay in forever and not need to do any renovations or even decorating on.

For us, it's worth it as we spend a lot of time at home (we both WFH to varying degrees). And we aren't having to compromise our daily lives too much for it. It's still not the top end of what the bank would lend us, and we know we have inheritances coming (hopefully many years down the line) which makes it less of a long term commitment.

No i wouldn't. You never know what is round the corner and having the wiggle room in our budget has always been a priority.

I hope everything works out with your fertility issues. It took us about 8 years to have our baby so I know only too well the extra strain it puts on you.

Honestly I wouldn’t, there is far more to life than working just to pay for the 4 walls you live in. Spend the money on holidays, trips, experiences, if children are something you do decide you want to try for with help then that extra money will be really useful in paying for that help and if successful think about whether you could afford that house + childcare + maternity leave. A nice new house is great but the thing is it doesn’t take long before it just becomes your house, the newness is gone, and if it stretches you financially then you’d come to resent it,

The only time I’d ever say stretching yourself to the absolute max financially for a house is if the house you’re in absolutely doesn’t work for you anymore and you need more space etc.

We don't have children (unexplained infertility) so it could still happen, although after 2 years of trying, I doubt it. Not with out help anyway.

Not directly on topic but ... two years of unexplained fertility here, then we were told that DH had issues that would require ICSI, not IVF. One month before treatment started I became pregnant, naturally, with my first at 40. My second pregnancy happened first time we tried and DC2 was born when I was 43.

I wouldn’t but then I am quite happy with a ‘just about big enough’ house. As a result we are mortgage free now and have been for about 5 years.

It really depends on what is important to you. I have never seen the value in a big house and still don’t. I prefer to focus on holidays, saving for an early retirement for me and we do have a decent car which most people would think is a terrible waste of money! We are all different.

Nah. What’s the point?

We moved into this house as a five year plan: do it up, make a profit, upsize. Except we made it lovely enough to live in, got settled in the village, and have now been here 17 years partly through laziness but with a tiny mortgage and plenty of disposable income to save/splurge.

Had we gone bigger we’d have a huge monthly repayment now and would be skint and miserable albeit in a “better” house. Just not worth it.

Thanks for all the messages so far. I think the consensus is it's not a great idea at the moment.

I'll probably just recarpet upstairs and get some new bedding 😂

Unless you have loads of family and friends over to stay frequently, I wouldn't. It could feel a bit like you're rattling around in there. It would be a lot to maintain, and could be a waste?

If I made the move, then children didn't happen, the larger house would be a constant reminder of that, bedrooms I would have imagined etc. I think it would feel a bit sad in a way. I'd rather have a better lifestyle travelling with my husband and doing all of the things people with kids would be super jealous of you for!

We stretched ourselves for our current house but although it was expensive (London prices), it's the right size for our needs (4 bed for family of 5). It doesn't make sense to me to stretch when you already have a 3 bed, unless/until you have dcs.

We definitely pushed further than we expected to, and absolutely have not regretted it. We have a beautiful house in a lovely area that has afforded us a wonderful lifestyle. Home is where you live everyday and it’s been a great investment. Lots of people renting much smaller properties for what we pay in our mortgage. The way I saw it is I’d much rather have a lovely home 52 weeks a year than a holiday for 2 of those weeks. That said, I’d never buy a house just because it’s big or other people are impressed by it. Buy a house you love, not just one that’s expensive for the sake of being expensive.

Do it. It's not an obscene mortgage amount.

You can decorate and put a new bathroom in later down the line. If it's the perfect house - well they really don't come up very often.

We just had our kitchen and bathroom done after living in our place a little over 7 years.

But it's not just a 2 week holiday that you are sacrificing. You are sacrificing your ability to retire early, especially as the OP hates her job.

Being mortgage free is priceless.

What is the point in having the perfect house if you have to carry on working in a job you hate?

No it's just a house.

Depends on how much of your income it will be

I don’t think you should. What would you do in an emergency if you have no spare money? Also, will you want to pay for fertility treatments in the future? Would ypu rather hve a bit more flexibility to retrain or leave your jobs if you hate them? I’d be tempted in a way, I’d love to have my dream house but I think you’ve too much else yo consider to do it.

I wouldn't want to be moving house every few years so went for top end of my budget. I've had a couple of pay rises and decent bonuses since, so I overpay my mortgage, and aim to be mortgage free by 55.

I would definitely do it if you're in an industry where you can find a higher paying new job if you hate your current role. Good luck!

Being mortgage free is one of the best feelings ever. No one can take your home away from you if things go wrong. You don't have to go into panic mode when the word redundancy is mentioned at work, you can really start to visualise your retirement, if interest rates change then you're not panicking. Also if you want to be a sahm it's much more affordable.

There has been increasing talk about the recent house price rise marking the peak of a bubble which could signal a price recorrection. I believe the main driver mentioned was the inability of first time buyers unable to buy property due to affordability and historically low wage increases vs inflation. You don't want to be stuck at the top of a cycle which could take a very long time to recorrect.

People will tell you to stretch yourself but just remember their house value is also bound up in people increasingly stretching themselves out of their comfort zone, whether they realise it or not.

I'm still in a pickle about this!!

I wouldn't stretch myself for a house, especially if you can't afford to do up the bits you want to. You'd live in a lovely house with a bathroom you hate. If the boiler broke, would you have the money to fix/replace it? Is the mortgage you're looking at fixed for a few years, and what happens if interest rates are even higher when you need to remortgage?
I'm quite risk averse, I'd be too scared of all the what ifs.