How have you escaped visitors on Christmas day?

[Callitadayby1pm]

For as long as I can remember Christmas day has always been me, dh and our children. We visit relatives in the days before and after Christmas day. We’ve never hosted or joined family gatherings, it’s not our thing and generally our families respect our choice.
However FIL and his new partner have somehow invited themselves to watch our children open gifts on Christmas day morning. We’re not sure how this come about but FIL partner text me saying she is excited to spend Christmas day with us.
I feel awful having to say no we aren’t having guests, particularly as FIL has put us in that position knowing our wishes. If he comes then MIL and her partner will want to come too as she’ll feel that we’re favouring FIL. My parents will be annoyed we ‘invited’ the in laws but not them. It would spiral out of control. Not to mention make it uncomfortable.
So can anyone suggest a pleasant way we can tell them they cannot visit? Yes I’m a bit of a wimp and people pleaser so saying no to somebody is difficult for me, and if dh tells them then they’ll assume I’ve made the final decision (they can’t imagine their son not want to spend time with them) so a simple ‘sorry but you can’t’ will cause huge offence and fall outs.
it’s stressing me out as they are the type who will turn up regardless as they have no regards for boundaries.

Tell them you're having a nice quiet family day, but they're welcome Xmas Eve or Boxing Day. In reality, you've done very well to have Xmas Day without any others - we've been together 30 years and have always had to spend it with others, mainly my DM who is diffcult so both of us dread it!

I was going to say this. Tell everyone that you will be serving coffee at x am and that anyone who wants to come for 1 or 2 hours to see the children opening presents will be welcome. At x o'clock you will be going out (for a drive/walk/whatever) and will be spending the rest of the day alone.

Throw them out at the specified time - no messing!

So many threads designed to undermine families celebrating Christmas together, or even discouraging sending cards. There’s one thread about not celebrating at all. Please let your family visit on Christmas. Turf your family away for the rest of the year if you want, but don’t let the grinch steal Christmas

What a pointless and goady post.

Well, I got cancer and that’s kept them all away this year. It’s great. I may have to come up with a similarly dire reason next year as the dc are thrilled no one is coming as am I.

I have never hosted or eaten at anyone else's home at Xmas . I like what I do and don't want anyone else's Xmas traditions. Mid 60s

Haha my family are the problem! They can visit some other time of year and spoil a random weekend, they're not going to be allowed to spoil Christmas for us.

Spectacularly poor reading comprehension on your part

I do think it's a bit sad if grandparents never get to see their grandchildren on Christmas Day (unless there's a backstory and they're terrible people.)

I have a friend who does Christmas Day is just for us and leaves her mum on her own. For me Christmas is about family and keeping those connections.

You sound ungrateful about the generous gift and I personally think having a grandparent over for a bit on Christmas Day would be nice.

My mums going to my brothers this year and my dd is really sad she won't be seeing her on Christmas Day.

Of course she's ungrateful about the generous gift, it's a manipulation tactic. He's tried to buy his way into their Christmas Day. Less of a heartfelt gift more of a sneaky Trojan horse.

Because I haven't invited anyone. I don't know a single person who would just turn up without an invitation. Thank goodness.

This has to be it, OP.

The grinch steals Christmas when others take it from you by dictating how you spend it and with whom.

The only time I saw any of my grandparents Christmas Day was when I walked to my Nans in the morning, she’d be sat with her bucksfizz and wanted us gone asap. She had no desire to spend Christmas Day with anyone but Bernard Mattews and her TV remote. My other grandparents lived at the other side of the country.

Not seeing them didn’t make any of us feel any less loved or sad.

My children don’t see their grandparents Christmas Day either. There are plenty of other days to see them, Christmas for us is the 5 of us at home, just like my childhood. If the grandparents lived close we’d happily let DCs pop over for 10 mins but they don’t.

I had the most wonderful grandmothers but I never saw them on Christmas Day. It didn’t matter.

I agree with the, “oops there must be some misunderstanding” text to your FiL’s partner. I’m sure she acted in good faith. Not so sure about him though!

I explained to my IL's that I couldn't deal with the spite and jealousy from my side of the family if we spent Christmas with them. IL's live 5 minutes away and my side much further. IL's also care about my DC so see them regularly and are part of their lives, my side only wants to see them to be able to tell all their friends what wonderful grandparents they are. They're not actually interested in the DC's lives at all.

I said we will do any day, just not the 25th. So we do, I can tell my side we spent it alone, and they can confirm we're alone when they video call so they don't complain. IL's are happy to do this for me because they are decent people. This year we're spending the 27th together.