DH thinks I’m taking the piss out of him

[Mistletoez]

Hi,

things aren’t good between me and DH.

a few years ago my business failed and I was in 25k of debt as if used credit cards to prop myself up. Unable to get a 0% balance transfer I asked DH to help. He was able to get enough 0% and I transferred the debt actually/ 0% transfers etc to reduce the interest. This was all done transparently and with dh’s consent. The direct debits are sid directly from my account.

I’m in a well paid full time job now and am the main earner. I’ve cleared half of the debt jn dh’s name but need to balance transfer again as my 0% rate is about to expire. I still can’t get 0% but DH can. I mentioned that I need to transfer again and he wasn’t happy, telling me that I’m taking the piss and that he “doesn’t want my shit in his name anymore”.

I know it’s not ideal but I’m upset as I support him well in other ways. My job allows me to pay a higher proportion of the bills and I sort out all of the household finances. We’re also married so I struggle with him now wanting to help. I guess I just think that he should see it as a joint issue.

I get that this debt might prevent him from taking out credit for himself, but I still think it’s not unreasonable to expect him to help me. Aibu?

I'm not sure what his problem is here. Did he expect that the debts would be cleared at this point? Was that discussed? The debt is already all in his name so that ship has sailed!

It sounds like he was there for you when you needed him, that's great of him but it's also married life. Now you are there for him, earning more to prop you both up, as well as making the repayments on the debts. Presumably if you didn't have to subsidise the living costs for you both due to him contributing less, then you would have made more of a dent in the debt by now. Maybe he should think about that?!!

Are there any other reasons why he might not he happy?

For example was there a plan to clear it by a certain point and this hasn't been stuck to?

I feel for both of you. He's taken a massive amount of debt into his name to help you out. Yes you are married but I'd be permanently anxious with that amount of unsecured debt to my name.

It's not ideal but he is being daft as not cooperating means paying £££ on interest which will mean the debts take longer to pay off. Also that you'll have less money to pay towards usual monthly expenses.s is he proposing on topping up the shortfall? Suspect of your business hadn't failed and was doing well he wouldn't have had any issues enjoying the profits!

I feel like there’s more to this; if he was happy with it a few years ago then what is the problem now?
To be honest OP you need to ask if he is questioning the relationship as that would be a good reason for him not wanting it in his name