Feeling sad and empty before my daughters birthday.

[GoldfinchesInMyTree]

So my daughter is turning 13 tomorrow and I'm so pleased for her. She had a lovely little party with new friends from senior school.

I've wrapped all her presents and they're on the sofa for the morning. I tucked her into bed with a hug and kissed her goodnight etc. It's really not all bad.

But my husband who rarely goes out was going out for a drink tonight with a friend. I've waited up as we ways used to put out the presents together and put a helium balloon up etc.. He's come home had a look and gone to bed.

I went out in my break today to get the balloon and set it all up and just feel so alone in it all.

This probably doesn't make any sense.

He came in from work - cooked dinner (I'd got all the ingredients) and then went out again. He's not sharing in any of it. He'll be here in the morning rhough

I don't know how to articulate but I just feel so alone. Maybe it's just me. It's feeling more and more lonely in the relationship though. And I wish we could share these moments. Or that he even cared.

He's snoring.

I have really shit parents that don't give a Monkeya and I guess it's triggering that.

I am only working a few hours tomorrow. I wish I had a good friend I could go see. I've become too isolated.

I decided I should do something to make me happy while she's at school and I'm genuinely not sure what that would be 😬

I'm sorry you're feeling this way—it sounds lonely, especially after all the effort you’ve put into making your daughter’s birthday special.

Maybe tomorrow, you could do something small just for yourself—a coffee, a walk, or something you enjoy?

Have you thought about talking to your DH to ask why he didn’t partake in the set up? Maybe he was tired today.

I think were really quite disconnected.
He wasn't tired he just wasn't here as he had arranged to go out with a friend and then got in half eleven. I think I'd hoped we'd connect on some level or we'd talk about it but no.

I think it's symptomatic if a deeper thing but I feel particularly alone tonight

I hear you. My husband is like that, and I am very lonely as a result.

Talking to him doesn't help.

Occasionally ill say I feel alone when.. Or say I find it hard it's me making all the decisions or carrying things or whatever it is.

He just goes quiet, won't engage and then gets upset as if I've just wounded him.

Its been a cycle.

I've been really struggling with work and health this year and he can't talk about it. Can't problem solve or brain storm. Just agrees with whatever I say. Its exhausting. And lonely.

I cross he went out and didn't even pretend to do it with me.

Sorry to hear that Mabel. I do t even know if I can explain myself.

I just feel alone and not part of a couple. And it's our child. One of the few things we have in common or shared to talk about.

I'm afraid he's checked out of family life. He comes home at night and he does some cooking, but he can't be bothered to invest any emotional energy into you or your DC(s - I don't know if you have more than one).

How long has he been like this? Your loneliness shines through your post. I think you would actually feel less lonely if you didn't have him around. Maybe something to think about.

The reason for being in a relationship is because it adds something extra to your life and makes you feel better. Otherwise, what's the point?

She had a lovely morning.

I'm sat here scrolling through birthday photos over the years. Bittersweet.

She's had a lovely morning, which is your wonderful gift to her.

Try to treat yourself today in recognition of that.

Yes she really did. She was excited to see her things and even though we can't spend a lot she was so pleased with each one.

He made me a cup of coffee and made us both toast. He does "do" things. He does care he's just so undemonstrative and unemotional.

He was worse than useless at her birth but I do know some men are like that. Sat in the corner and didn't come near me.

He's so emotionally unavailable there is hardly any connection. It's lonely.

When she was v small I thought about leaving but we're low income, I have some health concerns and he's a "good man". He doesn't do any of the things some partners do and literally will do things if I ask him - do will go to the shops to pick up food, will do the kids lifts etc. He never says a bad thing to me. And never complains when I'm able to do less.

I think long term I was hoping for companionabilith. Sitting watching the world go by from a viewpoint. He likes some of the same things etc.

But it's like a robot.

For today, why don't you buy a nice notebook and take it to a cafe and do some journalling. Spend 10 minutes downloading your thoughts and concerns - like having coffee with a good friend who listens. And then on a clean page make a list of some small things you can do for yourself. It sounds cheesy as hell but if you learn to love and care for yourself really well, and to be your own best friend, then you have a reliable friend for life. I made this shift far too late in life - but it's a bloody lovely shift to make.

Maybe make a list of small and lovely things you can do for yourself every day - listen to uplifting or soothing music, have a deep bath with your favourite oils or salts or bubbles, watch your favourite comedian do stand up on Netflix or a few episodes of your favourite comedy. Curl up with a good escapist novel or some mood boosting poetry. Maybe online yoga with Adrienne or a gentle meditation or set of affirmations.

Do two or three of these every day for a week and keep journalling.

Extend your network. Not okay for him to be out at the pub every night and you home alone. Get him to stay home with your DD after her birthday and arrange to meet someone for drinks or the cinema. Or sign up to an evening class in the new year.

You could also try a different approach with your partner. He clearly doesn't respond to serious chats about emotions. But can you sit down with a calendar and say let's have more fun together next year. Let's see what's on and book some evenings out - a gig of a band you both like, maybe a comedy show, or invite friends over for Sunday lunch and a walk.

Most marriages go through slumps where one or other partner stops making an effort, or is preoccupied or feels disconnected/out of love. It doesn't have to last but you do both need to be committed to working past it. IME, that doesn't have to involve deep heart to hearts. My DH is rabbit in headlights if I ever try that. For us, it just means a boot up the backside to do things together, to have plans and goals we look forward to together, that reconnect us.