How do I handle this?

[Slowhorses1]

DD (8) has just got through to the second round of a writing competition that both she and DS (10) entered.

Obviously were delighted for DD, she’s done so well, but I’m worried about telling her because of DS. DS is brilliant too but he never gets picked for teams or gets highlighted at school for awards, whereas this is just standard for DD. I know he will feel gutted that he hasn’t also got through.

Just wondering how best we manage telling them this news. DSs confidence is already a little low even though we build him up everyday and tell him how ace he is.

Ooh this is tough. I think you have to be honest to both. Maybe speak to ds first.

I think next time just enter them without telling them so if they don't get through, no harm done.

Yeah it’s a funny one because it was a competition promoted by the school so wasn’t really motivated by us, although we obviously sent the entries in, but the school was the one that made a big fuss about them doing it.

Im really proud of them both for having even written anything for it at all. But obviously now DD is through to the next round I feel we have to tell her.

CAn you celebrate ds' entry in a different way? Be that mum on social media or send it into the local paper? Just thinking of ways that are showcasing his work without needing to be in the competition.

I think you have to praise them both for the amount of work that they put in, for the courage to enter and try to treat the fact that DD got through to the next round as an afterthought. Instead of a flat out DS, you didn't get through, try to soften it with a "this time". Reward them both the same, could you get them a nice pen and notebook each or something.

If it's something they both enjoy doing and you didn't submit schoolwork, you could suggest they write [family member] a story as their Christmas present as a way of showing DS you value his writing too.

Thank you for the advice. That’s a really good idea about buying them the notebooks.

Part of me wishes they’d never entered!

It's hard but you can't limit your DD because of your DS. I also have a DC2 who out-performs DC1 in pretty much everything so I feel your pain!

Yes, this.

I think there's a danger in these situations to overcompensate for the child who didn't get picked and that can cause just as many issues. It's not easy.

I agree that I absolutely need to celebrate dds success, I suppose it’s just how is the best way to approach it whilst not making ds feel less than.