How much does your builder husband do at home ?

[StiffyByngsDogBartholomew]

I don't want to go into why but DH has recently had a significant change of work circumstances (hopefully temporary). I don't want to discuss that.
his friend very kindly offered him work working with him in building (he's very good at construction, has refurbished 3 houses himself and did it at college so it's not a totally new thing). But he's always either at work or knackered. I totally understand he's gone from a desk job to working on site so a big change physically. I work 12 hour shifts 4 on 4 off with a long commute so I'm hardly a housewife. Plus I spend a lot of time supporting my elderly parents (only chil

if your DH is in construction working 6/7 days a week what do they do at home ? I feel unfair asking him to do very much because he's working such a lot to get their current build completed but I'm also knackered myself and getting peeved with the constant "I'm too tired" and him going to bed at 8pm. It's such a change and I don't know if I'm being totally unreasonable expecting him to do anything.

woild appreciate any other experiences. However I would not appreciate being told he is lazy, LTB etc because he is far from that and he works very hard.

The only solution to it is for him to work less. Seven day weeks?! What does his contract say? He needs to stand up for himself.

He's self employed and also does gardening work on the 7th hday. He gets paid very well, by the day, so that is why he keeps going in.
and my question wasn't is he working too much. I know that already but telling him that is a waste of breath.

Okay, but his refrain is "I'm too tired to do chores because I'm working too much." So the only response is, "Sorry dear, the chores are non-negotiable. If you want to do extra work hours as well that's up to you, but the chores are still yours."
Obviously this only applies if you haven't both agreed for him to do extra hours because you need the money, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

Me and my husband split chores. If he announced he's going to do extra voluntary shifts at work because he likes it, that's his choice. Not a free pass to get out of the chores. Same as if I volunteer at a charity shop on my days off. I still have to do the chores.

Could you outsource some chores?

Do you need the extra money? Does he feel he needs to earn as much as poss. while he can? Being self employed can often be a bit 'make hay while the sun shines'.

Is there a time limit on this situation?

Thing is, if you say no to work when you're self-employed, you screw yourself long term.

DH works construction, 8hr days. The majority of the time he works 5 days and I work 6 (and I work longer hours) so DH does 90% of the household stuff. But when I'm working less, DH might do overtime at weekends and then I pick up the slack.

If it's a new pattern of work, I'd cut him some slack temporarily because it is exhausting. But not long-term.

If this is temporary then I think I’d step up to help out. He’s working 6/7 days a week since circumstances changed so I’d be glad he’s out bringing money in. If you work 4 on 4 off 1 day or even a few hours you could tidy the house. But I would make it clear I’m not picking his clothes up or tidying round him. He would still need to help with dishes etc on days you’re both at work