I feel unloved by my family and used ,am I wrong?

[rugsvlosed]

I'm 27
I have posted before
My mum passed away when I was 14 after a battle with breast cancer.
She was my best friend
I am an only child.
I have my Dad but my gran (mums mum) was also my best friend.
She promised my mum she would look after me and she did.
My Gran developed dementia at 85 and I was 17
It started slow but then got a lot worse.
Her son (didn't help at all and was useless -he has now passed away )
Her Daughter (lives in Canada )would visit once every 4 years.
She would ring weekly
I became at 19 my grans full time carer
At 23 I was depressed,anxiety because it was all on me.
I had no life,couldn't go out and leave my gran for any amount of time.
I had no friends anymore.
My aunt would ring weekly saying she was so proud of me for what I was doing.
She would email daily
She said when my gran passed away my life would begin and she would get me on holiday for two months in Canada with her and her family.
The last year of my grans life was hell for me.
I couldn't cope but mu aunt said if I wanted to put her in a care home I would have to organise it and it was "on me "
Anyway my gran passed away two years ago and my aunty never rang me again .
She will email once every few months.
I will try and make conversation but she never replies.
Then a few months pass and il hear from her again.
She's retired so isn't busy with work.
I just feel used,I was good enough to speak too when I was looking after her mum but not now.
She didn't even come to the funeral as she said she had vertigo.
She sent me a Christmas card
It used to always be a nice one with niece on but this year it was just a one from a pack of cards.
Does anyone understand why I feel like this.?

I'm sorry for the ramble

I truly understand how hurt you must be. I know that it's a cliché but try to forgive and move on with your life. Sending hugs 🫂

I think the worst bit for me is she knows I only have my dad as family left and she makes no effort to keep in touch

There is resentment there (understandable) and you need to let it go. This person is not going to be in your life and so that needs to be accepted and also let go of.
Your life up to now has been preparing you for something else. It is time for you to discover that life.

Bless you, what a very tough life you've had and what an absolute star you've been to take on such responsibilities with your Gran.

Totally understand why you are feeling like you do - and it's so important for you to recognise all your feelings are completely valid and no wonder you feel a bit lost and very let down by your aunt.

Can I just make a few gentle suggestions which may help you? You can now put yourself first - therefore as a priority you should get some counselling to unpick all your feelings. Professional help will enable you to start doing this. You don't say whether you have a job? I'm assuming you probably do, so if it's something that you enjoy and feels worthwhile, then great - if not, maybe consider a change of career?

Since you're still young, just remember life can change in a heartbeat - there's still time to improve your life, get a partner and have children if that's what you want? Regarding friends, maybe try a few groups to see how that goes, but don't put pressure on yourself to think you can solve everything immediately. Things happen, life absolutely can change for the better - you sound a lovely person OP.

No need to be sorry, you have done the right thing posting here.

I totally understand why you feel like this, and I hope by reaching out people will come along with lots of good suggestions. You have so much to be proud of and I hope you know that.

One thing that occurred to me is about your aunt. How old is she? I remember how vague my mother was as she got older, and now have friends who are in their 70s and 80s who also seem to now have a vague grasp of things where previously they were very sharp.

Sadly a few are not the same vibrant people they used to be, and I'm wondering if that could also be the case with your aunt? Maybe she really did intend to be there for you now, providing emotional and family support, with long stays in Canada etc, but she has forgotten, or hasn't got the energy to make those sort of plans any more? If that is the case could that understanding help how you feel now?

You have suffered huge losses, and I think you are now feeling the loss of the support of your aunt, who though distant, you felt at the time did appreciate the huge sacrifices you have made.

Have you considered finding a bereavement therapist to help you process all this grief and loss? It could support you through this transition period as you look for ways to grow your own, independent life, free of resentment and eager to build a bright future.

You are young with so much ahead of you. Good luck. x

I'm lucky I met my partner a year ago and we live together.
I'm just sad really that my aunty isn't In my life like I thought she would be.
It's just convenient how the calls stopped when my gran died.
So she wasn't ringing to chat to me
It was just a duty really

I'm glad you have a partner to support you through this. x

What a sad story OP. I'm not surprised you feel as you do. It's incredibly hurtful that your aunt hasn't provided support for you.

Grief can be a very selfish thing. When my Mum died it was very different circumstances, i had siblings and we were adults. However one uncle slowly withdrew and after a few months rarely bothered with any of us, we had all been really close before. Some family members were really upset and spoke badly of him. He was a confident type, a strong personality and a bit domineering within the family. Many years later my Dh met someone through work that knew him and when the connection was established the person mentioned how uncle has been devastated by the death of his sister and had struggled to cope. It had never occurred to us that he was coping badly, we just thought he was being a dick. Perhaps it's much the same for your aunt. It doesn't make it easier for you either way I know.

This is really sad and I can only echo pp about how grief can really wreak havoc with relationships as everyone processes things differently - and often differently from how they expected to. Your aunt may have many feelings - perhaps she feels guilt or sadness when she contacts you, so avoids being in touch? It’s hurtful to you not to have her support now though.

You have so much to look ahead to but this is a really difficult time with so much loss and when you have given so much. If you can find a bereavement counsellor, I think it might be helpful so you have someone with you on your journey through grief who understands. Sending you gentle hugs.

I don't honestly think it's because she's grieving
I really don't
I just think she doesn't see the need in speaking to me anymore
Which is up to her I guess
It just makes me feel sad I guess
I know if my mum was alive and it was my aunts daughter in my position she would of done her upmost to make her feel loved

I'm so sorry you've had such a tough time. I hope you've got a good partner now.

Unfortunately, I think your aunt was a user. I wouldn't chase her for contact now. If you were to speak to anyone who knows her now, I'm sure they'd say the same about her. Shame on her.

for you.