Is my mum insensitive or something more

[Itsonlybridgetagain]

I’ve always had a tricky relationship with my mum. She says things that are sometimes very hurtful but I’m not always sure she means it

I’m 45 with 2 children and I’ve always felt like a failure, my house isn’t tidy enough, I’m not good enough, I don’t dress well enough etc

I recently went to see a personal stylist to try and get myself out of a rut of baggy black clothes. I’ve never ever got it right with clothes so I just thought it was time to do something just for me

it’s totally transformed me and my confidence. I don’t wear black anymore and all my clothes are more fitted etc. My mum really hasn’t mentioned much about it, never tells me I look nice.

I saw her at the weekend, and this is a common occurrence over the years, she asks me if I wants a cardigan that she has recently bought as it’s far too big for her. This in itself makes me rage, she then brings down a black chenille cardigan.

I’m then met with eye rolls when I tell her that I really don’t wear black anymore and suggest that she takes the cardigan back to the shop.

I’m starting to think that she is trying to sabotage me. She has done this for years and years, as well as asking me to try things on that she has bought to see what it looks like. I used to oblige many years ago and now I just flatly refuse.

I’m not being unreasonable am I, your mum asking you to try their newly bought clothes on knowing full well that they won’t fit is just plain weird

for reference mum is a size 14 and I’m a 16/18

You're not being unreasonable, no. But you probably have to stop doing things in hope of earning your mum's approval because you will never win it. And that's all on her, not on you.

It sounds like you're taking lots of steps to feel more happy with yourself and that's ALWAYS worth doing. I hope you feel much happier with your new wardrobe, I bet you look great! Just remember that what your mum thinks about it is neither here not there.

Congratulations on your change of image. I've done exactly the same and it's life changing isn't it!

It's a pretty nasty thing what she's asking you to do. Maybe you need to wrap up the visit as soon as she starts doing anything like that even if she's only been there for five minutes. Just say something like well I don't have time for this and put your coat on.

Thank you! I’ve ditched the skinny jeans, I now wear really good quality straight jeans with shirts, cashmere tops and lots of colour. Everything is tucked in at the front to give me shape.

I think I look great now and finally feel good in my skin.

it’s a difficult concept that your mum may be jealous or not be supportive at all. I have 2 girls and I cannot imagine for a moment that I wouldn’t always be their biggest cheerleader

I think it is impossible to say what your mum meant by this, OP. She is older and perhaps not very observant. She may or may not have meant something by it.

Best thing is just to rise above it. Her motives, whatever they are, aren’t worth your energy. Your new wardrobe sounds great!

I have experienced this.
I lost 3 stone and my Mother kept making jealous remarks.
In the end I had to tell her our relationship was at risk and I wouldn’t take any more of her behaviour.
I have to say things have improved. She’s still difficult on the odd occasion but no more remarks.

If she's a 14 and it's too big for her, why wouldn't it fit a size 16? Congrats on the makeover though, must have given you a huge boost 👏