What are your thoughts on this re money?

[FancyNewt]

WWYD in this situation.

Relative A gifted £3k to relative B 3 months ago to pay unpaid rent owed by relative B.

Relative B has recently been made redundant and given £5k.

Relative B will be claiming benefits which will pay rent whilst they job search.

Would you expect relative B to now return £3k to relative A given they don't need the money to live off as they qualify for benefits and would still be left with £2k?

Or should relative A write it off?

It sounds like it was a gift not a loan. Assuming the giver isn't in need of the money they may not even think of it every being returned.

Personally if I was the reciever I'd offer to give it back. But perhaps they want to hang into it incase they remain unemployed for a while, they must have been living above their means to need to pay that much back rent so might struggle on benefits. See if they offer it back once they get a job.

As it was a gift, not a loan, I think A will have to write this one off. I can see both sides.

It was a gift so no need to pay back. If it was a load it'd need paying back. If it was ambiguous it probably needs paying back

If it was a gift then I wouldn’t expect payback. Plus benefits are hard to live off so they will probably need the money.

Technically the money was given as a gift and therefore doesn't need to be repaid. But morally I think it would be fair to repay a person who was kind enough to help you when you needed it, if you have the means. Or at least offer something as a way of thanks.

Thank you. I just need an opinion on it. It was a gift but would have been a loan had I known they were going to have the money so soon. Not that I can apply t & C's retrospectively so sounds like I will have to write it off. Just a bit annoying as the money given was down to relative B being useless with money (a constant issue ). They know we have money so there was some pressure to offer to get them out of trouble. Not that they asked to be fair. It was just one of those situations where we couldn't. We aren't desperate for the £3k and can afford to lose it.

Yeah you can't ask for that back. And as you can afford to loose it, why do you want it? They've finally got a little break financially and will still need that money for something else (another debt) or to live on. You did a nice thing, I wouldn't ruin a relationship over it now.

Unfortunately I think they will drink it away 😕 hence why I'm feeling more irritated by it than perhaps I would under other circumstances.

Well you gave it rather than loaned it so if it was me I would be annoyed about it because i would feel I gifted it not knowing all the facts but I would write it off.

BUT

the biggest issue is you need to decide what your going to do going forward.
this person does not sound like they care to be responsible and they don’t need to because you are a safety net.
They get to fuck up as much as they want and there are no real world consequences because you swoop in and stop them.
i think it is time to tell them now, before that money is gone that you will not be lending or gifting them any more money. That if they get themselves into a situation like that again you will not be stepping in and whatever comes of that will be for them.

you do it while you know they have that cushion so you and they know that they have the choice before the next crisis comes that they have the ability to not get into that crisis.

This. Once a gift is given it's gone.

You called it a gift , so it’s a gift but when they’ve wasted their 5 k don’t give them anymore unless it’s with a proper loan agreement .