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Original poster

DD was contacted by dodgy men on WhatsApp

25 replies

VoltronRider · 07/12/2024 22:31

Looking for advice, please be gentle.

My DD got a phone when she started secondary in September. She is nearly 12. I have allowed Roblox and WhatsApp but not Insta, Snapchat, TikTok or other social media. She can’t download anything without my permission - the phone blocks it.

When she first got her phone I checked it daily. Class/Year 7 WhatsApp was a bit silly at times but there was nothing inappropriate so I stepped back a bit.

My mistake … today I found out that random men have been contacting her online. She has WhatsApp set up so that only contacts can add her to groups, but in one of the WhatsApp channels/communities she saw a group advertised as a girls-only group offering pep talks and peer support. You could join via a link. It was of course not a girls’ support group at all … she joined the group and since then, random people have been messaging her asking for photos, her age, location, all that stuff. People have been video calling her quite persistently and said if she does not reply to their messages they will get her kicked off WhatsApp. She was scared to tell me. I have blocked and reported them all and used it as an opportunity to talk about internet safety.

These men (and I’m sure they were indeed grown men) were telling her she was beautiful and they loved her, that they were 17 years old etc etc.

Beyond blocking and reporting them all, is there anything else I should be doing? Please don’t tell me I should not have allowed WhatsApp in the first place. Clearly I need to go back to checking the phone regularly.

For context, DD is quite naive/trusting and whilst she’s academically bright she is also on the waiting list for an autism assessment and sometimes is a little unsure in social contexts. She took everything in these chats at face value.

OP posts:
itsnotalwaysthateasy · 07/12/2024 22:57

I would inform the Police so that they can monitor the Whatsapp group.
I am glad she told you. It's awful what happens on social media.

Fuckitydoodah · 07/12/2024 23:00

This stuff is so scary. You think you've done everything you can to make their phone safe, but it seems to never be enough.

My DH has put his foot down and won't let 12yr old DC have WhatsApp. At first I felt like he was being OTT and felt sorry for DC as all his friends are on it, but then I read stuff like this and I'm glad they don't have it.

I'm not sure what else you can do other than report it. I expect they hide behind VPNs.

I feel like there needs to be more resources for parents about this kind of stuff. Schools should hold information evenings for parents/guardians. I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent person, but I think technology/AI etc is advancing so fast, I can't keep up. Our children are navigating a world that most of us don't fully understand.

StSwithinsDay · 07/12/2024 23:01

I would remove the phone completely and get her a brick phone.
She can play roblox on a family laptop in a family area in the home.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

12 year olds 17 years old Secondary education
LoremIpsumCici · 07/12/2024 23:02

I think your only mistake was waiting for the inevitable before teaching her the basics of internet safety- how to block and to report to you anything dodgy or scary.

There is no way to avoid predators online. There will always be a run in. The sooner she learns how to spot and block them (or avoid dodgy WhatsApp groups the better. These are tools that will serve her well as a teen and woman.

LoremIpsumCici · 07/12/2024 23:03

StSwithinsDay · 07/12/2024 23:01

I would remove the phone completely and get her a brick phone.
She can play roblox on a family laptop in a family area in the home.

I don’t think keeping her ignorant and in the dark ages is the best course here.

LoremIpsumCici · 07/12/2024 23:04

itsnotalwaysthateasy · 07/12/2024 22:57

I would inform the Police so that they can monitor the Whatsapp group.
I am glad she told you. It's awful what happens on social media.

Yea, I would notify the police of the WhatsApp group so they can shut it down and go after some of these predators.

StSwithinsDay · 07/12/2024 23:05

@LoremIpsumCici
Well it's too late now isn't it. She has already been targeted by predators. So maybe keeping her 'in the dark ages' would have been safer for her.

SmalllChange · 07/12/2024 23:06

Beyond blocking and reporting them all, is there anything else I should be doing?

Teach her how to block people so she can do it herself immediately, and then tell you.

LoremIpsumCici · 07/12/2024 23:06

StSwithinsDay · 07/12/2024 23:05

@LoremIpsumCici
Well it's too late now isn't it. She has already been targeted by predators. So maybe keeping her 'in the dark ages' would have been safer for her.

Lol, it’s not “too late” at all.
Keeping her in the dark wouldn’t have been safer because her first lesson in internet safety may not have been from the safety of her home with a mum to ask. But maybe a year or two later when she might sneak out the house and never come home…

You have to teach them internet safety from early otherwise they have less chance of staying safe in the long run.

StSwithinsDay · 07/12/2024 23:09

Teach her how to block people so she can do it herself immediately, and then tell you.
She is an 11 year old child. She should not have to block people. That is not her responsibility.

LoremIpsumCici · 07/12/2024 23:12

StSwithinsDay · 07/12/2024 23:09

Teach her how to block people so she can do it herself immediately, and then tell you.
She is an 11 year old child. She should not have to block people. That is not her responsibility.

Dear god. At 11 I was taking the bus & tube to school every day was taught about stranger danger and how to not get kidnapped by accepting sweets or getting within reach of a dodgy acting man.

Blocking the virtual equivalent of stranger danger on a phone is easy peasy and well within the cognitive ability of an 11yr old.

What is irresponsible is handing a child a smart phone and not teaching them how to deal with internet stranger danger.

StSwithinsDay · 07/12/2024 23:15

Dear god. At 11 I was taking the bus & tube to school every day was taught about stranger danger and how to not get kidnapped by accepting sweets or getting within reach of a dodgy acting man.

I was doing that at 9 with my 7 year old sister being my responsibility. We were aware of 'odd men' and stayed clear of them. We were not at risk of being photographed and blackmailed online.
Online predators are very different.

MintGlitter · 07/12/2024 23:24

My DD is the same age and doesn't have WhatsApp or Roblox on her phone. She only has iMessage for texting.

I know people say about keeping them ignorant blah blah, but I'd rather she wasn't having to play 'spot the paedo' so young.

Just because they don't have all the apps going doesn't mean you can't still teach them. And a child, being tricked by an adult predator, doesn't mean they haven't been taught any internet safety.

Limiting access to dangerous men preying on young kids online is definitely the way to go.

StillCreatingAName · 07/12/2024 23:27

why do parents feel the need to get smartphones? I refused to get one for my dc starting secondary, but felt under enormous pressure to do so (I started a thread about it as I really didn’t see why they needed them) Turns out they really don’t need them and I also learnt you need to see WhatsApp almost worst than being on social media, it’s causing lots of problems in dcs peer group, thankfully no impact if you only get them a Nokia style phone. IMHO you’d be best to remove the phone.

Ginkypig · 07/12/2024 23:32

@VoltronRider

I think it is reasonable for you to call and chat to the police about this and also please read below.

use this link to report

CEOP is a law enforcement agency and is here to help keep children and young people safe from sexual abuse and grooming online. We help thousands of children and young people every year who have been in a similar situation to you. CEOP are unable to respond to reports about bullying, fake accounts or account hacking.

https://www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre/

then do some reading on that site and actually this next link may be more useful

The National Crime Agency's CEOP Education team aim to help protect children and young people from online child sexual abuse.
We do this through our education programme, providing training, resources and information to professionals working with children, young people and their families.

https://www.ceopeducation.co.uk/

pass this info on to other parents you know. I also hope it helps other parents on this thread too.

I am surprised that so few parents have heard of ceop and wish there was a campaign to raise awareness of it!

CEOP Safety Centre

https://www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre

LoremIpsumCici · 07/12/2024 23:33

StSwithinsDay · 07/12/2024 23:15

Dear god. At 11 I was taking the bus & tube to school every day was taught about stranger danger and how to not get kidnapped by accepting sweets or getting within reach of a dodgy acting man.

I was doing that at 9 with my 7 year old sister being my responsibility. We were aware of 'odd men' and stayed clear of them. We were not at risk of being photographed and blackmailed online.
Online predators are very different.

Yes online predators are different because they are less dangerous.

nonbinaryfinery · 07/12/2024 23:35

Whether you like it or not, you shouldn't have let her have access so early, and so now you'll have to take it away. If you knew she was naive you have known not to give her access. A brick phone is the safest solution here. Children do not need smartphones, no matter how much they insist they do.

Ginkypig · 07/12/2024 23:40

@LoremIpsumCici

no actually they are just as dangerous.

they have the time and privacy in a lot of instances to completely draw in a young person and get them to do all sorts because they feel safe to do so. They get young people to ignore their boundaries because they think they are safe, a lot of pictures and videos of child abuse are secured by exactly this type of thing then unfortunately some then go on to meet them in person.
predators don’t need to prowl the streets anymore or spend time getting themselves into positions of trust with access to children (although they still do that) and be quick enough on their feet to gain trust quickly and quietly, they just send a friend request and take their time making the child feel special.

Suntree32 · 07/12/2024 23:41

I would get a new number for her phone too. If she's been in WhatsApp groups, won't people have had access to her number?

Thevelvelletes · 07/12/2024 23:45

Generally speaking 17 yr old boys have no interest in 12 yr old girls but perverted men do.
Online predators are dangerous because some will become emboldened over time and will want to move onto the physical world and may try to engineer a meeting.

SmalllChange · 07/12/2024 23:49

StSwithinsDay · 07/12/2024 23:09

Teach her how to block people so she can do it herself immediately, and then tell you.
She is an 11 year old child. She should not have to block people. That is not her responsibility.

So whose responsibility is it to block people she wants no contact with?

Much better to learn how to do it herself immediately and then tell her parent.

If her mum wasn't with her when she was getting unwanted contact, it could be ages before they end up being blocked.

If she's going to be allowed a phone, she needs to know how to use these basic functions.

Moonlightstars · 07/12/2024 23:53

StSwithinsDay · 07/12/2024 23:09

Teach her how to block people so she can do it herself immediately, and then tell you.
She is an 11 year old child. She should not have to block people. That is not her responsibility.

Don't be silly. It's obviously awful but aged 11 I had to run away from a flasher, talk my way out a horrible situation with a paedophile in a park who tried to get me to show him my knickers, kick a boy in my school in the balls because he pushed me against a wall and tried to get into my bra.
Its not her responsibility but it's sadly the shite world we live in. She needs to know cunts like this exist and what to do about them where possible.

BodyKeepingScore · 08/12/2024 00:16

It kind of goes without saying that your 11 year old child should not have WhatsApp. I thought the minimum age was 13 anyway?
Roblox is just as bad if not worse.

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