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Original poster

12 year old refusing to go to the dentist

8 replies

Washywishy · 07/12/2024 11:10

Back in the summer my 12 year old refused to go to two dentist appointments, the first time she wouldn't get out of the car and the second she wouldn't leave her bedroom and was crying.

I tried to talk to her about it but she just said she didn't understand why she felt like that.
She's never been great at going and the last time they mentioned braces so I don't know if it's that. I did say she didn't have to have them (2 -3 year wait so cross that bridge later!) The dentist also put a note not to mention it to her.

Now she's had a letter for a check up and I don't know what to do. I've worried about this for 6 months.

I feel awful but I couldn't make her go, its not like a toddler you can carry, she's taller than me!

Private dentist so no NHS appointment wasted, but I dont want to waste any appointments!

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 07/12/2024 11:47

That's tricky. I wonder if you can support her by taking her to the building without an appointment and getting her used to going in and sitting in the waiting room etc. Build up to an actual appointment. It sounds like the dentist is onside. Maybe have her watch you have an examination first. I hated the dentist and didn't go to appointments for years. I eventually agreed that a colleague could make an appointment for me and only tell me when it was time to go so i had no build up to it. It worked for me. Has she expressed at all any of her worries?

cansu · 07/12/2024 11:49

Talk to her about the long term outcomes of poor dental care.
See if she will agree to a check up visit but no treatment on this occasion.

GreatFinch · 07/12/2024 11:59

Can I recommend this resource, Guide for parents Takes a fair bit of effort but has helped some of my patients. Other things that have helped are popping in as you pass just to say hello, listening to music at full volume, dark glasses to keep the bright light out. I know a good hypnotherapist who's also a dentist who has a very good success rate, not sure if that would be appropriate for her age though.

LLTTF Dental |

https://dental.llttf.com/

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GreatFinch · 07/12/2024 12:01

I would concentrate on good oral health habits, electric toothbrush twice a day and floss sticks but getting heavy handed about long term consequences just puts teens off more in my experience and turns it into a big thing.

Topsy44 · 07/12/2024 12:03

You have my sympathy because I have the same with my 12 year old DD and she has missed a few appointments.

I have had a bit of luck in the last couple of weeks as DD has mentioned to me about a girl at her school that has got very bad buck teeth so DD now wants to get braces. So I am booking an appt pronto at the dentist for the New Year.

Just mentioning as you could possibly go down that route to maybe show her some pics of what would happen if she didn’t go to the dentist - maybe any celebs she likes with good teeth that could sway her.

Good luck though as I know not easy!

CatStoleMyChocolate · 07/12/2024 12:09

I was your DD 30 years ago. What not to do: make her an appointment and announce she’s going anyway and must submit to a (probably unnecessary) filling every six months from a cowboy dentist with inadequate pain relief. That led to a phobia which has dominated my adult life until the last year. What has helped me is a good, sympathetic dentist who is prepared to take her time, listens, and doesn’t mind me wearing headphones in the chair,

Can you talk to her about what the problem is? Is it the dentist him/herself? Fear of dental treatment? Has she had a traumatic experience? Some people find it helpful to have the dentist talk them through everything. Some people prefer blissful ignorance and headphones.

I would say you need to get her in there on a regular basis, not so much about the dental health but because avoidance can really strengthen a phobia like this, and it can grow legs quickly - and if she ends up needing emergency treatment, it will potentially be quite traumatic. The suggestion up thread about popping in is a really good one. And at home, if there is anything you can do to get her flossing, that would be great.

Original poster
Washywishy · 07/12/2024 17:55

Thank you all so much, I've read all your replies carefully. She is used to going, but I'll see if she will just go along with me.

@Topsy44 Glad to hear she's more amenable to going! Its a tricky situation isn't it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Washywishy · 07/12/2024 17:57

GreatFinch · 07/12/2024 11:59

Can I recommend this resource, Guide for parents Takes a fair bit of effort but has helped some of my patients. Other things that have helped are popping in as you pass just to say hello, listening to music at full volume, dark glasses to keep the bright light out. I know a good hypnotherapist who's also a dentist who has a very good success rate, not sure if that would be appropriate for her age though.

Thank you, I will definitely take a look!

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