Does anyone else feel like this

[Worriedbutcarryingon]

I am 42 and have 2 children and a husband. Both of my parents died few years ago. We've got degrees but work in lowish paid office jobs. I have been on antidepressants for 20 years and my 13 year old daughter has been diagnosed as autistic. I have struggled for a lot of my life. We've had a stillbirth and had to terminate a baby with anencephaly. Luckily we had a rainbow baby who is 7 now. I just feel so bad. We live in a terrace house bit I grew up in a house with a garden. We both work full time but I feel so guilty that we don't have a bigger house. I feel that i had a better standard of living when I was younger. I have low self esteem and don't think I can reach higher to give my children a better life. It's really depressing that my children suffer because of mine and my husbands poor mental health (which we use all our energy not showing this and not impacting their future). Does anyone else feel like this?

When you were a child couples could afford a house on one wage, it’s different times now.
Have you looked at your in and out finances to see if you can save money anywhere?

Totally agree times are different. We might have small houses but we connect with our kids more.

Seeing on Tik Tik whole families that live in one room helps with perspective!

I met up with a friend recently who lives outside of London and has a huge house. I was sharing I wish we had more space. She shared that sometimes everyone is just in their own space. In my flat, there's only one place to eat, watch tv etc so we naturally have to share more which means we are together. It was a nice perspective I hadn't appreciated before.

I really have similar thoughts then I have to suck it up and be grateful with what we have. Not saying that will be the same for you.

I think what you grew up with is always going to be a baseline and most people will struggle with either the idea or the reality of not meeting it. I'd even go as far to suggest that this could be a factor in our falling birthrate.

Your feelings sound normal and I'm guessing that the best way to manage them is to try and focus on the good things hings that you can give your children.

If you have felt depressed for a long time, and you have a 13yo DD who has just been diagnosed with autism, that made me wonder something. Did you know the highest growing group being diagnosed is women with their own children being diagnosed? High functioning women who have been masking all their lives and may be on anti depressants.

This may not apply to you but am suggesting it as something to consider.

I wondered the same thing, or at the very least, whether there were better drugs now available to help.

And OP, you are doing well. Your DD is safe and loved. That’s what’s important to children, not whether they have a big house.