those MNetters who say not to drop hints

[Hopeles5]

To those MNetters who tell their DH exactly what they want, like, etc., how do you do it?

how do you mean? Last year it was theatre tickets. I said can we go on Jan 10th to see this show please, best seats you can afford. Other times a link to a holiday, Amazon wish list etc

Here are some screenshots and links to what I want for Christmas. Pick some of these options and then I will still be surprised. Please don't ignore this list because I'll be disappointed. Thanks you're the best xxxx

Same here. I make a list so I still get a bit of a surprise as I'm not sure what he'll pick from it.

What's the budget this year? <vague discussion of budget> Lovely, I'll have an X.

And scene.

Buy what you want and hand it over with the receipt: ‘You owe me x please, you just need to wrap it’.

DH sometimes buys me really expensive gifts but they’re not really what I want however I was brought up to say thank you and not to ask for things, also if ever I try to refuse a gift DH gets angry. We don’t have much money so I get slightly disappointed never to get what I really want. I do tell him directly when he asks and I also give hints.

That’s a good idea, thank you.

if ever I try to refuse a gift DH gets angry

That doesn't sound great.

I ordered myself an iPad and then told OH he has bought me an ipad for Christmas haha im generally low maintenance, slippers, bath sets, calendar etc for Christmas and im happy but OH is always moaning im hard to buy for so i solved the problem for him and got an ipad ive been wanting for 2 years now lol xx

I put things in my Amazon 'save for later' basket and tell dh & my sons they can pick from there. I get what I want but don't know what they are going to pick, nice and simple.

Not violent or anything just angry. I was really hoping for a piece of jewellery (not expensive) and a few months later I had a big operation and DH said I would have the jewellery afterwards but instead he got an Apple Watch which costs a lot more (money is really tight) and which I am not fussed about. Sorry this is such a first world problem. I’m not complaining. I just want to know how you get the balls to say what you want.

Amazon wishlist, job done

I just tell him a few things that I'd like and tell him to take his pick.

I wanted a particular piece of jewellery for our big wedding anniversary.
I found the design on Pintrest then sent DH the name of 2 jewellery makers and 3 jewellery retailers.
Job done.

You need a conversation at a non gift giving time about his attitude towards rejection of gift choices.
Surprises are all well and good if you're confident the person will like it. If you're not you can't be offended if they wish they'd had something else.
This anger in reaction to a perfectly understandable point of view is not healthy.

I just say "I was thinking I'd like such and such for Christmas this year, have you got any idea what you want?"

No, because if I have to tell him what I want, it's not a gift, it's just making life more complicated than it needs to be.

If all he's done is wrapped what you've bought or bought what you've told him to buy how is it a gift 'from him'? You do all the work and he pats himself on the back that he's got you a nice gift.

If you want a particular thing, just buy it yourself and exchange token presents, much easier. Or if you like surprises, agree a budget and accept the surprise.

Why be married to someone you can't talk to?

I used to have a wanted list pinned up in my study that DH and DC could look at. I occasionally specifically mention a book I have seen reviewed but these days I generally ask DD to suggest things ‘I might like’ to her father. He does sometimes ask her too. It does mean I know what I’m getting, but at least it’s what I want.

I'm given detailed instructions by DW (including on-line links where necessary).

"Men don't do hints" may be a sweeping generalisation, but that does not mean it isn't true.

Thanks everyone.

I think I am the problem. Since I was a small child I have hated waste and I’ve always been very excited about my birthday. My birthday is near Christmas so when I was little it felt like ages to wait for the presents as although I wanted for nothing as a child I guess I was relatively normal in wanting the latest toys, etc. (I didn’t like watching TV especially kids’ TV so don’t think I was particularly brainwashed by advertising, maybe more by books describing birthdays as magical with amazing dream presents.)

My DM used to buy All of our gifts And I was always so bitterly disappointed when she got it wrong. She rarely asked what I wanted and always spent a lot of money. There was never an offer to exchange things that weren’t right so I would be genuinely horrified by the waste.

I think it’s given me a complex now as an adult about receiving gifts.