If you were startled/ a bit scared by the red storm alert on your phone and went to DH - how did he respond?

[ElsaGreen]

Asking because I sometimes feel like I've lost all sense of what is normal and reasonable behaviour in a relationship.

The red alert phone warning siren really set me on edge, so I went to speak to DH. I wanted to talk through with him quickly to check things like us having torches to hand for a blackout...and it ended in an argument as many of our conversations do these days 😞

So for example, the very first thing DH did was to start arsing round with his own phone to check why he had not received the alert.

Which is a sensitive area as I feel he often questions my perception of reality.

Are you always anxious? ( Your partner sounds dismissive & rude)
It's hard to see from this snippet you might be an overthinker ( I am)
I can make everything catastrophic if I let myself , you should sit down with a professional to help yourself realise how your brain "sees" situations it's really helpful ( not perfect but more rational )

Depends if you're always on edge, or if he's being a nob?

Then when I told him I just wanted a quick chat about our storm readiness, he wouldn't talk about that - he just wanted to tell me how he had been 'monitoring' the storm online and we had nothing to worry about in our area.

This isn't what a good relationship looks like, is it?

It depends on how it makes you feel.

I would have gone to check the torches, food supplies etc and then told DH I’d done so. Not something which would have involved a discussion.

Who can say OP. Your Husband could think that you are worrying unnecessarily, and this could be the total opposite of how he is thinking. Nobody here can say for sure.

This is tough… I didn’t get an alert but one of the first things I did when people started mentioning them was look to see if I had; to be fair!

Does he often question you? It seems like a bit of an overanxious response to me; but I know where our torches are. I’d hope that if I looked to DH for reassurance on something, he would reassure me and check I’m okay, and it doesn’t sound like he’s done that - but only you will know if that’s because he’s at the end of his tether or if your relationship and feelings for each other just aren’t there anymore.

I can see your approach being kind of annoying. If you haven't got the stuff in, you won't be able to get it now. You can prepare yourself.

I'd try to be kind if you were my partner, but if you over think this much, it could be draining to live with.

You should be able to speak to a partner about worries, what's the point of a relationship if you can't?

The whole point of the alert is to give households time to prep a bit, so it isn't strange you would want to do that.

I would probably just ask if he had the alert too. Then I’d check we had candies, matches yo hand, fill some jugs with water etc.
And I suffer severe anxiety!

I didn’t get an alert but one of the first things I did when people started mentioning them was look to see if I had; to be fair!

This.
I've never had an alert, like that, so that's where my mind went too.

I would have gone to check the torches, food supplies etc and then told DH I’d done so. Not something which would have involved a discussion

But also this.
If I found out (through hearing on radio / alert to phone / on the TV / Internet / call from a friend) that I was likely to need to make sure my power pack was charged as well as my phone, and that candles and matches were to hand and that we had a few bottles and jugs of water saved, then I'd go off and do it, now think I needed to chat about it with anyone. Yes, I'd probably then ask dh if his pawer pack were charged, but I wouldn't need him to action things I could action.

Unless, of course you are at risk of flooding and want help carrying things upstairs.

It's a bit hard to tell OP, could you have just checked on what you have in, and if you didn't have something then asked him if he knew where it was?

He does sound rude and disinterested, but equally you do sound like you may have been creating more drama than is needed. If you are an anxious person that's hard, but it can also be hard for others - especially if they are very different - to live with.

It doesn't sound like you are very well suited though, are you thinking of making a change?

Exactly.
OP, presumably you’re a capable adult, not a child needing an adult to reassure you.

I wanted to talk through with him quickly to check things like us having torches to hand for a blackout Why do you need to check with him where the emergency stuff is? Both of you should know where these things are.

So for example, the very first thing DH did was to start arsing round with his own phone to check why he had not received the alert That’s not an unusual reaction. If either DH or I had had an alert and the other hadn’t, we’d both be wondering why one of us had and the other hadn’t. I presume the wind wasn’t at such a speed that you were in imminent danger at that time, so I expect he probably thought that he had a moment or two to check his phone before the roof came off and the bins went flying down the street.

Then when I told him I just wanted a quick chat about our storm readiness, he wouldn't talk about that - he just wanted to tell me how he had been 'monitoring' the storm online and we had nothing to worry about in our area I mean this kindly, but if you’re running to him to get reassurance that you’re all ready for a storm, rather than sorting it out yourself, then he’s going to try and solve that problem for you. Your problem seems to be that he isn’t solving it for you in the way you want him to. He’s told you that he doesn’t think there’s anything to worry about. What was wrong with you saying ‘great, but if the forecast changes, I’ve checked the batteries in the torches and have you charged your phone?’

This isn't what a good relationship looks like, is it? Nope. Not for either of you. You’ve posted a snapshot of what sounds like a frustrating relationship where both of you want the other to react differently. I’m sure that this is just today’s example of a long back story where you don’t feel heard and he feels something else, because this example doesn’t make him sound as irritating as you seem to find him. I think that if you’re considering your options for the future, you should look at whether your own actions are feeding his responses before you chuck a marriage away. I mean, if he’s a complete gas lighting arsehole who has genuinely driven you to the end of your tether, then fair enough. But it does sound here like you’re both at fault and could both change how you deal with things.