Why did the police call me ??

[Armychefbethebest]

I will try and keep this short. Basically I have been NC with my mum since 2021 after she screamed and spat at my older daughter in public as she fellt she had not seen my DGD very often, this was done in front of my DGD and was the very very last straw of decades of abuse of different kinds towards me.
My mum lives with my much younger brother and she has told distant family members he is now in the police, I'm really not sure how credible this is as she has form for lying about these kind of things.
So that's a little background, Lancashire police called yesterday asked if I was x name I said yes they then asked if my mum was x name and when had I last been in contact with her ? I didn't go into details just explained I'd gone NC and that we hadn't spoken in over 3 years, I suggested her address which she then confirmed with me and that was it. We don't share a surname and she won't have my as NOK so why would the police contact me and under what circumstances it's been really bugging me because I have no way of finding out. Any ideas wise mumsnetters ?? TIA

Are you sure it was a genuine call? I think perhaps ring back to verify someone wasn't impersonating a police officer.

And didn't you ask??

It's possible she's been reported missing (doesn't mean anything has happened, just that she has gone away and not told anyone then someone has raised a concern for welfare). It could also be she is unwell and they were looking for next of kin, you made it clear you were not in contact so they may ask another sibling

I would check the call was genuine

Why did you not ask them why they were asking?

I have checked the number was genuine, and I did ask what it was regarding but they just said it was nothing to worry about and would say anything further about it. I'm just confused as she lives with my sibling who is in his late 20s that was all.

They wouldn't say that should have read. Sorry for leaving the details out that the call was genuine and that I did ask why they were calling I was just trying to keep the op short.

If your still wanting to be no contact and the call was genuine but they have told you not to worry I wouldn't worry about it. However if your worried then just give her a call?

police check , do you have a criminal record. Anyone joining police force is supposed to declare close relationships that have a criminal record.

No I don't have a criminal record, ahhh it's a mystery. If it was something major then I guess they would contact me and let me know. If not I'm sure my brother may do. I really don't want to contact her as I do no not want to give her a reason to come back into our lives I know that sounds very sad but there is a lot of history and it look me a long time to finally cut all ties . Thank you for any suggestions I guess I'll just never know. I obviously care if something had happened to her and they would tell me if this were the case.

You are under no obligation to disclose any information especially over phone call.

I would have said no comment unless you tell me what it's about. Then it's up to them to get off their arses and send someone out to see you and again you can decide whether you will speak to them or not and if you will disclose information or not/

My guess is they won’t tell you anything because you said you are no contact. They don’t know why that happened or who is being protected by NC. For all they know your mother may have instigated it.

Do you have any extended family or friends of your family who might be able to shed some light on why they called?

I would have said no comment unless you tell me what it's about It’s not an interview and the police don’t tend to comply with attempts to pressure them into data breaches, so that would achieve precisely sod all.

OP, they’ve told you that there’s nothing to worry about, so clearly she’s not dead, or laying in a hospital bed or missing, or has become an international fugitive. It could be so many things; perhaps she’s finally gone too far with the wrong person and they’ve reported her? Perhaps they think she’s a witness to something and they’re tracking her down to have a chat with her?

I’d strongly advise you not to open that door, as you can’t control what comes through it.

It's a really difficult situation. I'm on the other side of the fence. I have a sister who struggles with her mental and physical health and with forming and maintaining relationships. She has paranoid personality disorder as a result of childhood trauma. Our childhood (the later years) weren't the best, and my parents weren't the easiest. However, she has cut herself off from all family and friends and lives alone in isolation. We are constantly worried about her. She has moved house to a new location and we have no way of knowing where she is or how she is. She's physically very unwell. It's such a stressful situation for us. We worry and think about her every day.
I appreciate that your situation is different. Would you wish to be informed if something were to happen to your mother or other family members? Would you want your family to know if something happened to you? Would you want them not to worry and to know that you safe? My advice would be to at least maintain contact with a cousin or distant family member so that they can act as a but of a go between for sharing important information. There are lots of sites online that give advice about family estrangement.
My other point would be for you to question how you are at handling stress and other relationships within your life. If you don't maintain relationships with any wider family or old acquaintances and friends, I would consider counselling and see if there are any other issues at play. If your mother is the only person that you have ever cut off, then obviously that is less of an issue.

Welfare check?

@wilfredspies possibly gone too far with the wrong person that is a possibility, as I've said completely my choice to go NC and one I don't regret I don't wish any harm on her despite what has been said and done in the past. @Scentedjasmine Thank you for writing a well thought post. I have 4 children and a grandchild of my own we have a good relationship, my father left when I was 6 and had a new family I did try and reach out in my 20s however he was not interested. I don't have a great deal of family aside from the kids I have my mums brother who despite living across the country is regularly in touch he also is NC with my mum. I have a lot of friendships and aquintances mainly from school and the army I served 15 years so met and maintained many groups of aquintances and some great friends, I don't feel the need for counseling I have in the past been upset and hurt by both of my parents actions but they are things I've worked through myself and I'm at peace with them. My husband and kids are my immediate family and I'm happy that the relationship I have with the kids is one where they can come and talk to me about absolutely anything and that they feel loved because I never felt that until I had them. I would want to know if something happened to my mum I think I would be sad obviously but I do feel finally for the first time she would have have peace I don't think I'll ever know if anything happens to my father and I'm not sure how to feel about that as I haven't seen him for nearly 40 years.