Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Inheritance and marriage

12 replies

emsworth · 05/12/2024 00:02

Very sadly my mum has died v suddenly, after years of worrying hugely about money and keeping it wisely - to the point where it affected her mental health.
I am likely to inherit and feel strongly that I want to 'honour' this money by not absorbing it into our every day banking account that pays for utilities etc.
I want to ensure that this money is considered carefully before it is spent
My husband's view is that is should just become part and parcel of every day expenditure and can not understand that I might want to view it differently.
We have completely differing views about this and I am struggling.

OP posts:
NobleWashedLinen · 05/12/2024 00:07

It depends.
If you are struggling to make ends meet and are at risk of failing to pay the bills then relieving that pressure a little may be a good use for some of the money, but it would be better to spend it on something that would help reduce your spending long-term (eg I know our heating bill would go down dramatically if we got our external doors and windows replaced.

If you aren't struggling to pay bills then certainly use it for something significant to honour your mum's memory.

B0RING · 05/12/2024 00:12

In Some countries an inheritance is not a matrimonial asset when you divorce.

Legally it will Be your money and you can decide what to do with it. Id open a new savings account in your own name and pay it into it while you decide what you want to do with it.

Original poster
emsworth · 05/12/2024 00:21

Thank you. No everyday issues regarding day to day living.
He can not understand that this is money that is very personal and comes with quite a sad history.
I don't want it to be just absorbed into the weekly shop. He is adamant that it doesn't matter how it arrived, but that it is household money.
For what it's worth, I have no intention of it not benefiting us as a family, but want to separate it for the moment.

OP posts:
Itisjustmyopinion · 05/12/2024 00:28

MN has a thing about all money being family money immediately. I am absolutely not of that view and fortunately my DH has the same views around money as me. To me it is not household money it is your inheritance. So it’s for the person inheriting to decide what happens to it

If he ever inherits and wants to waste it on everyday things that’s his prerogative but you should take the lead on what your inheritance is used for

GildedRage · 05/12/2024 00:40

some for the household and definitely something for you to remember this person by (not just the mortgage is 50 gbp less per month type bs).
a classic piece of jewelry or watch. i'd also recommend a bit in your own personal savings account just in case.
you certainly don't have to spend it all at once or hand it over to you're not very considerate "dh".

Enterthedragonqueen · 05/12/2024 00:41

Put the money in between a premium bonds account and a 90 day notice account in your name only. If you have kids then I'd invest it in child savings accounts and ISAs and save for their futures. Do not fritter it away on everyday spending and then have nothing to show for it.

https://www.nsandi.com/products/premium-bonds

https://www.foresters.com/en-gb/

healthybychristmas · 05/12/2024 00:44

I'm so sorry you lost your mum.

Your husband has a bloody nerve. You've lost your mother and he's insisting on telling you where to put your inheritance? He doesn't sound very nice at all.

B0RING · 05/12/2024 00:47

Of course he can understand that it’s personal and comes with a sad history. It’s a very easy idea to grasp .

It’s just that he doesn’t care what you think or how you feel . I’m guessing it’s not the first time he’s tried to ignore your feelings or opinions?

Duc · 05/12/2024 00:54

Sorry about the loss of your Mum. How much are you talking roughly OP?

I think he should be sensitive because it’s clear that you don’t want to flutter it away and you want to use it wisely- totally understandable. I’m thinking though, it it’s a significant lump sum and you’ve got a mortgage, it would make financial sense to pay off the mortgage because then you’ll be in a better financial situation and won’t have to pay thousands extra in internet etc… so from that perspective that definitely would t be wasted as you’ll end up with more money.

Good luck deciding.

Mmhmmn · 05/12/2024 00:55

B0RING · 05/12/2024 00:47

Of course he can understand that it’s personal and comes with a sad history. It’s a very easy idea to grasp .

It’s just that he doesn’t care what you think or how you feel . I’m guessing it’s not the first time he’s tried to ignore your feelings or opinions?

This. Your mum was your mum long before you met and married him. It is your inheritance. Not his. I’d say the same if my partner inherited. It’s just not appropriate for him to decide how it will be spent. Don’t spend it on regular everyday expenses.

Elsvieta · 05/12/2024 00:57

Have you got dc? Is it enough for deposits for them to buy homes when they're adults? (Assuming they're not adults now). If so, I'd put it in Premium Bonds or similar for that, and just tell dh that's how it's going to be.

Original poster
emsworth · 05/12/2024 09:26

Thank you for all of your thoughts. It has really helped at a difficult time. X

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page