Would you let this friend meet your baby?

[flyingbeet]

I have a friend from sixth form. Let's call her Olivia. We were part of the same friend group but we were never besties. We both went to study at different universities and would occasionally talk on a group chat with the rest of the friend group. We met up twice with the friend group in a span of two years while we were still studying. I got married and invited her but since then it's been three years and we've never messaged each other. She didn't even know I was pregnant. Once I had the baby I thought I'd message and let the group chat know since I don't post on social media. Everyone congratulated including Olivia. Fast forward to now, baby is 4 months old and I get a message from my friend that I have stayed in contact with that Olivia wants to see my baby. What do I respond saying? What is the appropriate thing to do? Maybe it's just postpartum hormones but I feel like she should have stayed in contact with me or at least messaged and checked up on me and baby after I let her know about her birth. And weird thing is that she still hasn't texted me. I'm hearing this from my other friend. Another half of me thinks that maybe she is trying to keep in contact and I'm refusing for no reason. She is a nice person. Also contributed in throwing me a bridal shower. What do you think? I need other people's opinions.

Do you want to see her?
I love having friends from all different parts of my life. I definitely don't need to be in contact with them regularly. I have some friends that I don't see for a year or two and we don't contact each other until we're in the same town.
I don't need regular updates or cards or whatever to still want to be friends with people.
It's only been 4 months that's hardly any time. She wants to see your baby that's nice!

I haven't even seen some of my university friends kids, we see each other away from our families and the now some of the kids are at university themselves.

Do you actually want her as a friend? If you aren’t bothered then I wouldn’t let her meet the baby because what’s the point.

If you are looking for a response I’d go with ‘that’s nice’

sounds like a good excuse for a catch up - whats the harm

I'd probably send a breezy message back, along the lines of 'Olivia is always welcome to message me and we can catch up'. Some people seem to love seeing babies. It's a bit odd she hasn't just messaged you herself.

Yes, just say ‘That’s nice’ and don’t take any further notice. Presumably Olivia has your number and can contact you if she wants.

I feel like you're overthinking it. If she's a nice person and you feel like it, great. If you have enough going on and you don't want to, just make your excuses politely - would be lovely at some stage but now is not a good time etc.

Maybe she just said it in passing and/or was being polite. If you want to see her, get in touch. If you’re not sure or not ready but need to respond, tell the middle friend to tell Olivia to get in touch in the new year.

I mean she obviously doesn’t want to see your baby that much or she would have messaged you herself and asked if you wanted to meet up for a coffee. I wouldn’t overthink it. I’d just say, sure, would be nice to see all the friends from school if friend wants to organise getting everyone together for a coffee.

This.

Re the hearing this from a friend. I am presuming she was with the other friend, who told her you'd had the baby and she made a comment in passing - "ooh, it would be lovely to see her" - as people often do when someone is mentioned you used to be friendly with, but haven't seen for a while.

Don't overthink it.
If her name being mentioned makes you think 'Oh, I've not seen her for ages, it would be nice to catch up whilst I've got a bit more time', then invite her for a coffee. If you don't, then don't.