Thank you, I don't really want to tell anyone irl I'm emotional and give half a story because everyone will know who the lady is, and her privacy and dignity matter more than me being a wreck.
I had an abusive childhood so didn't actually realise my husband was abusive to begin with. The thing that got the cogs turning was MN, I read numerous things on here thinking it was normal and the replies all said it wasn't.
Occasionally I would post, and get the usual LTB replies and then some posters started probing further and that's what made me realise eventually. The LTB posts made me eye roll, but there are quite a few women on here who are more gentle in their approach and probably saved my life tbh.
Leaving was harder, I had no access to anything, but I contacted WA, they went through all the planning with me, told me the best ways of keeping safe, we were in contact for a good couple of months planning, they were amazing, arranged a train ticket so one day he went to work, I grabbed the kids and bag full of stuff, mainly photos, we picked up the tickets and arrived where we are, I was in the refuge for a year, was supported by them for 3, including through having my baby (who's almost 10 now, can't believe it).
In a lot of ways I felt more vulnerable after I left, I didn't have the ability to think for myself a lot because of the control, but that's really common, and can be worked through, it's also, sadly, the reason a lot of women go back quickly.
Up until this morning I think my mind still framed me as a victim, but it's made me realise I'm a survivor and I'm actually through it.
I have 1 kid in uni, 1 in a great job, 1 in college, 1, unfortunately has some health struggles but is really talented and has tens of thousands of online fans of her art (she posts it anonomously) and then my youngest is just a joy, and is ridiculously clever and great at the multiple sports they do.
If I can get out of the mess I was in with nothing to my name, anyone can do it, it just takes a bit of time and a lot of support.