How to improve social skills at work for someone who is shy and nervous.

[JengaJungle]

I've been very shy since my earliest memories really. It's deep rooted in me from a crap childhood / dysfunctional family etc.
It is what it is.

I've really tried to change, had therapy, read gazillion books, nothing really makes a difference. I give up and then try again but I've stopped trying for a long time now.

I have a job, Dh and kids and I do wonder how on earth I have these things as I was told as a young teen that i was never going to find anyone because of the way that I am.

Anyway don't want to ramble on too much but I'd like to improve my social skills. I try but just can't seem to make connections with people, build rapport and relationships.

I don't know if it's my face, my voice, my tone, but there's definitely, I'm pretty sure, something that puts people off me. The most friendliest person in the world would even be not interested in me. I am very nervous around people, even with colleagues I've known for a few years, and it shows. My voice isn't the same as it is when I'm at home.

So specifically, id like to start to interact with my colleagues more as currently I only speak if spoken to and sometimes when I try to initiate conversations it kind of goes nowhere.

It seems so basic of a thing to ask but I honestly didn't have a chance as a child to learn this in a safe and supportive environment.

Any tips or ideas would be greatly appreciated.

with me , know the players and what their motives are where possible eg the suckup, the detailed one, the one that wants tasks completed reguardless of x y z, people may not like you and not everyone will, always try to get the ones with the authority on side and their favourites if possible, then depending on your role and authority just aim to achieve your goals and if lacking in confidence then i usually fake it as long as i know what the tasks are from the bosses then i try to complete them as best as oh and never trust anyone with any personal secrets that can be used against you

basically presume everyone is machivelli personality and very few will hold their hands up to any mistakes

Ask people questions

Then listen

That's pretty much it

Worked for Bill Clinton!

I do ask questions but it just ends up like the Spanish inquisition!