Ex got remarried without telling the kids. WWYD?

[PaperDreamsHoney]

Just that really. I found out from FB that my ex got remarried a couple of weeks ago. Our kids are 13 and 8. He hasn't seen them since last December and hadn't answered any messages from me since February. They don't want any contact with him bc he hurt the youngest last time he saw them.

I have no idea if/when/what I should tell them. I think they might be upset if they found out that I had known and not told them, but maybe I should keep schtum.

I would mention it in passing tbh.

I wouldn’t say anything. Sorry he’s such a shit who hurt your child!

Don't say anything. It sounds like the relationship has petered out. If contact does start again, it’s for him to tell them and manage the fallout.

They are going to find out about the wedding at some point. If they find out you had known for ages, their anger may be directed at you because dad isn't actually there to be angry with. Find a way to tell them and be available to support them, but don't leave it too long.

I wouldn't feel the need to say anything to them.
He hasn't been in touch for a year now. Why cause them unnecessary hurt?
I agree that if he gets in touch it's his news and for him to break and then to manage any emotions that come with it.

I wouldn't say anything and pretend you don't know

I would also keep my mouth shut and pretend I don't know. No need to bring it up and hurt them.

Why would you tell them?

He hurts them, hasn't seen them in a year and they do not want to see them.

What good would come from telling them?

Unfortunately there's a chance they might hear about it from someone else, so my thinking is that it's probably better for them to hear it from me.

In that case I agree - they do need to hear it from a parent. Can you phone your ex and ask him to tell them? If he won’t, then you’ll need to do it.

I wouldnt contact the ex. Hurting the child, no context, now married without warning. Sounds like hes removed himself from the family and thats a good thing.

I am very sorry for you and your children though. If they would hear it from somewhere else I would tell them. If its an option get support from a family councillor in case they want to talk about it. Reinforcing how you guys a strong family unit and you feel so lucky to have them and all their great qualities

I think 8 is too young to be told but you can't tell the 13yo and not the 8yo. I'd give it a couple more years before telling and if they hear it from somewhere else first be honest and say yes you knew but as they didn't see him and didn't want to see him you were waiting till they were older because you were trying to protect them from upset

I would tell them before they hear it from someone else. He sounds awful and the children will soon realise that if they don’t already.

Is there any chance of crossed wires i.e. they've proposed, or married unofficially in a different country?

If you're sure, and you know that the news will likely come from others, then I would tell them in a passing way that you've heard that their dad has got remarried via Facebook/friend of friend - and then have something nice and distracting planned for afterwards. Try and keep it as mundane news as possible.

The eldest may want more in the way of "proof" so just be ready with a source of the information.

Sorry that the kids have an arse wipe of a father.