How to stay disciplined - 40s and single

[YourFairCyanReader]

I'm the wrong side of 45, been divorced 10 years and single currently. Kids grown/growing up and doing their own thing. I have a busy job, hobbies, friends, but find it so difficult to be self-disciplined at home when I'm alone. I'm not taking care of myself - comfort eating, drinking wine too many nights a week, sometimes not even following my hygiene routine. It's leaving me feeling rubbish and affecting my sleep, energy levels etc. I know I wouldn't do this if someone were here, it's like once I have no accountability I'll have that bar of chocolate or piece of toast even though I'm not hungry.
I can only see my home situation getting worse in terms of being on my own more often. Has anyone in this situation found ways of staying on track and not giving in to temptation? Any tips for staying strong?

I’m not sure - I too would probably never cook for myself if I lived alone!

But I do quite well with rules. So I have a rule about only drinking on certain days of the week and I stick to that.

What about a calorie counting app? I use MyNetDiary (although not every day to avoid obsession!) and it is very enlightening to see exactly what is in certain foods.

Remind yourself that you are worth taking care of.

If you fancy a drink - go out for one. So you need to be reasonably presentable, and you're unlikely to polish off a whole bottle. And it's more of a treat.

Spend a couple of hours cooking something nice, which will give you leftovers for a couple of evenings.

Buy really bloody expensive chocolates, so you have an incentive to eke them out with 2 or 3 an evening rather than all at once.

I started practicing yoga at home. It had a knock on effect on my entire life, I’ve lost the weight I put on in my forties, broke lifelong bad habits by making new ones that are far nicer (nightly meditation), I don’t drink alcohol, sleep so much better, feel calmer in my own mind and value self-care like never before.

I'm similar in many ways op and I find that the key for me is having a balance with being busy with the right types of things. So being productive with work, seeing friends for a cuppa or going to the cinema, going for walks and time spent taking care of my home and my fridge. If I get too busy I get overwhelmed and if I'm not busy enough I find it harder to motivate myself. I try to host people regularly even if just for a cup of tea and a catch up as it means I have to tidy and clean myself etc.

How did you do this? As in how did you teach yourself?
A friend has suggested yoga to me as I mentioned having poor mental health recently

@LordEmsworth yes you're right. That's made me tear up a bit actually, remind yourself you're worth taking care of. I don't feel I am atm, I think that's part of the problem.
I remember I used to buy a really nice bottle of wine and enjoy it and make it last a week. Now it's cheap Pinot and definitely more than one bottle a week. I should have more respect for my body

Apologies, I didn’t see your question. It was actually gradual…I did a 20 min Yoga with Adriene video in my birthday, I’ve no idea why lol - it was Yoga for Comfort and Nourishment on You Tube - and it was so lovely, and made me feel that much I actually cried whilst doing it. The next day I did some more…and the rest is history. Now I do videos daily and a long class weekly; read yoga books etc.

I really would recommend some gentle styles of yoga for anyone struggling. Hope that helps, you can ask me anything.
(I’ve also lost 2.5 stone since starting yoga)

@Poisonwood I needed to hear this.

I've heard so many people tell me yoga is the way forward.

I agree with the sentiment that you are worth taking care of. Look at it as an investment in yourself? Future you will thank you.

Try to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. This takes time and effort and isn't isn't easy but is so worth it ❤️.

If you do some physical activity then you might find you'll eat more healthily and drink a bit less.

Chiming into say yes you’re worth taking care of. I know you have adult kids but in my case I don’t have kids and I don’t know if I will.

Sometimes I used to feel somewhat sad people saying they do x y and z good habit because they need to stay healthy for their kids. As it made me kind of think that if you didn’t have kids there was little point.

And then it occurred to me that everyone is allowed to have their motivations, but for me a valid motivation can be me!

I am important and have value and I deserve to cook myself nice simple meals and eat plenty of fruit and veg and move my body every day and watch funny movies that make me smile and write my worries and thoughts out onto journals.

Putting on 3 stone in my mid 30s during the pandemic also gave me that big nudge to make an effort to change my lifestyle and I’ve now lost over 2.5 stone and lost 9 inches on my waist.

I still WFH and only go to the office once a week. Living alone as well as WFH means my hygiene can slip too since I know no-one will see me. I’m good with showering but at one point I was forgetting to brush my teeth at night.

I now aim to get 50-60,000 steps every week. Mostly done in the house as I have a walking pad and also will happily dance around my house! I also do Pilates following YouTube videos and I have a few simple fairly healthy recipes I follow during the week. And I stretch every single day.

Alcohol was never really my thing but I did consume a lot of sugar. It’s taken me a couple of years but I’ve now reduced my sugar intake greatly, cake is weekly now - not daily. I don’t keep sugar in my house as well. And I tell myself it’s only 2 minutes when it comes to brushing my teeth!

Maybe in your case you could start with focusing on adding/removing one good/bad habit every week or even every month? I started with cutting out the multiple (sometimes daily!) takeaways I was having first. Then next I turned my attention to reducing the amount of sugary stuff I consumed.

If there's stuff you can't resist... don't buy it. Harder to succumb when you have to go out to the shop first.

But also are you doing too much? I find it easier to keep things under control when I am not super-tired. Find some down time for you.

I’m 51 & live with my cat (wouldn’t have it any other way).

I joined the local gym & signed up with a personal trainer. She designed an exercise plan for me, I work out 3 times a week & have a monthly session with her to check in. (I was pretty intimidated by the idea of getting a PT at first but was lucky enough to find one my age & who I instantly clicked with).

I also bought a few recipe books & challenged myself to cook something new at least 3 weekends per month. I make 5 portions & freeze some so there’s always a choice of healthy ready meals & my store cupboard is really well stocked now! Also means I’ve got a good repertoire when hosting friends.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

I also recommend yoga. I don't know what it is about it, but it makes you feel better.

Remind yourself that you are worth taking care of

This! Perfectly put. Should be tattooed on all our minds challenge yourself to find healthy (and if you like sociable) things to do that you enjoy

Love that - remind yourself you're worth taking care of - that just about nailed it!

I also recommend yoga, it makes you feel amazing. So i started using YouTube on a night. If you don't like Adrienne (I hate her) do try some others too to find one that suits you.

For me I found once I started doing one thing it kind of leads on to more good habits. And I also use the yoga as the 'treat' at the end of the day (I'm not a person who could do it in the morning) so I would say to myself 'once I've eaten a healthy tea, cleared up AND made healthy packed lunches for tomorrow I get my 'me' time.

I had a health assessment and my lean muscle was quite low despite all the yoga so I also recently started doing HIIT with small weights. Seriously the transformation to my body from this has spurred me on even more, so if the yoga isn't for you try something else.

I would try changing one habit and then work up slowly.

Saying that if I was on my own (I work less than DH and we have 2 DC so the cooking is on me) I would not be cooking every evening as I hate it with a passion. I like the slow cooker, you could make something healthy on a Sunday such as a lentil and veg chilli and if you don't mind repetition have that for 4 nights in a row. Then I would probably do a jacket potato night, an omelette another night. And have a day off a week to eat whatever you want!

For mw I would have to find a routine for evenings and then I think I would stick to it. Left to my own devices and if I was alone I feel I would start to do the same as you.

I think you've made the first step though by knowing you do this and wanting to change.

Start listening to the Zoe podcast, it will terrify/motivate you into cooking stuff from scratch and not buying any comfort stuff.
Agree that a pet will give you a bit of routine. Lots in shelters at the moment due to cost of living
Hygiene is more tricky. Perhaps ask your DC to give you posh shower gel and shampoo for Christmas or a new soft towel

Treat yourself like you would hope someone who loved you would.

I have a suggestion for healthier meals easily/ conveniently - what about a meal subscription box?

I get Hello Fresh at the moment and the ingredients and recipes come and make 2 portions of each thing. You could have one for dinner and have the other portion for a healthy lunch or the next day's dinner.

I also enjoy following the recipes- not too much brain power required but satisfying. I then keep the nicest recipes and sometimes shop the ingredients and recreate. Takes the mental load away from meal planning.