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How did your undiagnosed neurodivergent child change in secondary?

5 replies

Maniskin · 01/12/2024 15:27

I have an 11 year old girl who since half term her behavior at school has changed for the worse and especially after meeting two other girls but it’s their fault . For context she has a sensory issues diagnosis but traits of adhd. I ruled autism out has she has many friends and is very social. She is in report, skippeda lesson, disruptive behavior. They’ve taken her to the sensory room, reflection room but other than my daughter telling me the school haven’t told what they do they just email and called me when she missed a lesson. They’ve given her sensory toys as well as my daughter showed me. Previous to this all her behavior was at home, meltdowns, screaming, really dislikes being told what to do that the OT we had said to give her choices, really had trouble with clothes , keeping her room clean, far more untidy than is the norm for kids, as I tidy and clean and she screams and throws everything on the floor again! but at primary she never talked back to teachers or behaved this badly. It’s not even a full term in and she is 11 soon to be 12 and it’s all going down hill at school. The school haven’t told me but my daughter said if she continues like this she will excluded but they never said this to me in email or by phone so wondering whether I should believe her on this one. They can’t just exclude a child without a very good reason right?

I don’t know what to do? I can’t afford private therapy or diagnosis and really need some advice from any other parent who has struggled with their child’s behavior getting worse as they enter the teen years. Thank you

OP posts:
Cornishclio · 01/12/2024 15:56

As far as I understand it a lot of ND children struggle with secondary school due to them generally being bigger and more pressures being put on them. If she is struggling with sensory overload that will make things worse.

Have you actually spoken to the school to find out what the issues are. Why do you think it is these other girls fault? The meltdowns may be due to her masking all day to try and fit in leading to her burning out and then exploding at home once she is in her safe space.

Cornishclio · 01/12/2024 15:58

Check out PDA traits which one of my GDs has been diagnosed with. It is the need to be in control so that is why it is best to give choices. It is on the ASD spectrum.

Maniskin · 01/12/2024 16:07

Cornishclio · 01/12/2024 15:56

As far as I understand it a lot of ND children struggle with secondary school due to them generally being bigger and more pressures being put on them. If she is struggling with sensory overload that will make things worse.

Have you actually spoken to the school to find out what the issues are. Why do you think it is these other girls fault? The meltdowns may be due to her masking all day to try and fit in leading to her burning out and then exploding at home once she is in her safe space.

I got an email from the school saying that she has lovely friends in her form and she needs to concentrate on these friends and not the other students, one of her friends from primary said my daughters behavior is worse with this other girl who moved over after half term with her mum to our town so she is new. I’m not saying it’s all their friends as I know my daughter has sensory overload and gets very tired as well from it all. It’s the actual teachers who told me about the friends.

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Cornishclio · 01/12/2024 16:36

I would then encourage your DD to focus on other friends then. The exclusion thing is a bit of a red herring as the school would have called you in if there was a danger of that.

Thiswasmeagain · 01/12/2024 16:41

It didn’t work out she managed 1 term (and even then that was with 30% attendance) then had a total breakdown which took 6 months to recover from and she has been home educated since

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