Dc struggles to sleep when I have to go to work.

[DeckTheTree]

I recently got a job which involves me needing to leave the house at 5am a few days a week. I chose this as I could then be around for dc pick up and as dh works later he could be around to take dc to school.

7 year old dc is struggling with the change. They have just woke me up to say they can't sleep and don't want me to leave. This has happened many times since our routine changed.
I have now been awake since 3 and there's no point in me going back to sleep.
Dc sometimes will get back to sleep but today it seems like they won't as they keep talking to me and seem to be getting less tired.
I now have to go to work knowing dc has been awake since 3 and will be very tired by the time I come home. I too will feel exhausted.

It's making me question this new job. It's a shame because I like the job. It's (a bit ) more money than I'm used to and on days when dc can sleep, it works well.

Does anyone have any tips on how I can help dc to sleep well when I have to work early? They have told me it's because they are upset that I won't be here in the morning.

Personally I would explain the benefits of working that particular shift pattern- they are 7 years old after all -and send them back to bed when they wake up and start wanting conversations in the middle of the night. Sometimes children just have to do as they're told.

Sorry, but they don’t get to dictate things like that. Explain that starting early means that you can collect them from school which is something you really want to do, but you can’t work properly if you don’t get enough sleep. If they wake you up it is straight back to their bed, do not speak to them or engage in any way other than “back to bed, we all need to sleep”. DD really struggled when I took a job that meant a long commute when she was 8, she was used to me bring at home when she got back from school then suddenly it was just her and her (much older) brothers. It’s tough when they try and guilt you but sometimes you just need to do things they don’t like.

Tell them, I start early so daddy can take you to school and I can collect you. If I can't get to work we can't have/do xyz. Get back to bed and let us get on.

You are the adult here. Tell them to go back to sleep and you won't be changing your job so they need to get used to it.

How long has it been?

You can be supportive of how he feels without going along with waking up at 3am long term.

He's explained he can't sleep because he'll miss you in the morning. Waking up is a psychologically difficult period, humans naturally feel a bit scared when they wake. What does your DH do to make mornings safe and reassuring? Try to put in place something to make him feel more secure - so a nice routine. You could leave a special note each morning, or give him a new soft toy just for when you are at work, to represent you.

Once he anticipates better mornings, hopegully he'll stop worrying and sleep better.

Def don’t give up the job, a 7 year old doesn’t get to dictate things like this. They’re old enough to understand. I’d just keep reassuring him until he adjusts to the routine. If he wakes up then quick cuddle and back to bed. He’ll soon adapt, but definitely don’t give up your job especially as you’re enjoying it and the early finish to do pick up is amazing and more than a lot of working mothers get to do.

Dc is missing spending time with you and needs reasurance, you dont mention what the rest of your day with dc is like so you may already do this.

Does DC get some uninterrupted time with you for a story and a chat before bed?
Not after they have woken up but before.

I changed jobs recently as well, more days, more hours and better pay.
im tired, i dont get much time to myself anymore and my Dc seem to need me more than ever.

Leave little notes for them to find in the morning, get a sticky note pad and put a random I love you's or a silly joke in different places each day like on the cereal box or by their tooth brush.

Why doesn't your DS like you going to work in the morning? What impact has it had on him? Obviously, you're not there but what does that actually mean for him? My DH is not a morning person so, on days when I'm not around, the DC have much less interaction. DH also does less for them and they dislike that although it's probably the case that I do too much for them. For DD, the biggest issue when she was younger is DH isn't as good at hair. I wasn't leaving until 6.30 so she used to get up and we'd do her hair and then that was sorted.

Explain to ds that you worked hard at school/work and went to university(assuming here ) so that you could get a good job. Hopefully your h would explain that he’s proud of you for working hard and getting this job.

If you worked the same time as daddy then ds would have to go to after school club and you’d rather pick him up the same time as everyone else. (I’m assuming that he’d like to leave school when everyone else does)

Don’t give up the job. It won’t be long until ds is doing his own school run and prefer walking with friends than a parent.

How is dh coping with the school run? Is he making school lunches “wrong” (different ) , handling things differently compared to you? If you did the morning run for 3 years it might be the case that daddy is doing things differently which isn’t to his liking as he’s used to how you do it. It might be worth seeing if a little tweak makes a big difference.