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Would you find this rude?

20 replies

JC03745 · 30/11/2024 16:28

DH and I were invited to a rare meal at the in-laws. We have a long back story, but have tried to make amends in recent years. Niece/nephews (7, 11 and 15) were being minded by them. We see them even less due to distance, so it was nice to catch up and chat. As soon as we sat down for the meal, MIL pulled out a tablet and started playing angry birds at the table.

DH asked her to turn it down. She barely did and continued playing. No, she isn't neurodiverse and doesn't need a distraction to concentrate. She wasn't following the conversations at all. I said in a half joking (not joking way) that it might not be a good example for the kids at the dining table to be playing games. MIL then pointed out that I crochet when watching TV! I reminded her that it was pre-covid when we last stayed at their house, and yes, I did crochet when sitting at the back of the lounge room late at night. This uses 1 hook, so no clacking together like knitting needles and not the noise of a game. MIL then said she could do what she liked in her own home. FIL said nothing the whole time. We finished the meal, thanked them and headed off.

Would you have said something? Would you think she was rude or me?

OP posts:
Crocsforlife · 30/11/2024 16:30

As she said her house her rules. Yip you were rude. Did you say that in front of the kids?

BackOnTheAntibiotics · 30/11/2024 16:36

I think she was rude but I wouldn't have said anything. I would have probably given it a good decade before going back though as she clearly could not care a jot that you were there.

pizzaHeart · 30/11/2024 16:38

Of course she was rude!
I would ask my parent to put tablet away in this situation so your DH wasn’t wrong to do this ( of course he should have done it politely)

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fiorentina · 30/11/2024 16:40

Very strange behaviour from MIL. Is she trying to make some kind of point? Yes it’s rude!

halloumidippers · 30/11/2024 16:40

That's awful, so rude. But.... given the back story I probably would have just not said anything, given DH some meaningful looks and then gossiped about it behind her back

midgetastic · 30/11/2024 16:50

Doing something else whilst others watch the TV is no way the same as doing something else when sitting down to eat with people - she's very off isn't she !

SnoopySantaPaws · 30/11/2024 16:57

She was rude & weird. Who does that??

but I would have just given DH 'the look' and talked about it in the car on the way home, concentrated on chatting to the niblings.

I do think it was a bit rude of you to bring it up, because it wasn't your house.

it is nothing NOTHING like doing crochet when the TV is on. I'd stick to not going there if I was you!!

Jostuki · 30/11/2024 16:59

Did she prepare a nice meal?

Most hosts fuss over the food and oversee the eating to make sure everyone is happy with their food.

What did her husband say?

Boomer55 · 30/11/2024 17:03

You said you were making amends in your first sentence. All this depends on the backstory.

lovenotwar149 · 30/11/2024 17:07

I would have said nothing, but I am not judging you because you did. I dont know if saying nothing is the best thing ,but it is how I behaved when I visited my own MIL when she was alive. Occasionally I did speak out , she didnt like it ...at all. I still did, but I picked my battles.

wheretoyougonow · 30/11/2024 17:07

Very rude and also a bit sad that she was willing to ignore her grandchildren during dinner.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 30/11/2024 17:12

I reckon it was a dig at the conversation. Or she wanted you to leave.

Obviously I have no idea what you guys were talking about, but someone whipping out a phone or a tablet in company is a massive ‘fuck off’ signal.

MiraculousLadybug · 30/11/2024 17:19

It sounds like she was doing it on purpose to make a point. Is it possible she was trying to goad you into saying exactly what you did say?

Coconutter24 · 30/11/2024 17:21

Jostuki · 30/11/2024 16:59

Did she prepare a nice meal?

Most hosts fuss over the food and oversee the eating to make sure everyone is happy with their food.

What did her husband say?

In what way is she over seeing the eating or making sure everyone is happy with their food if she has her head stuck in a tablet and not engaging in conversation?

Calmhappyandhealthy · 30/11/2024 17:30

We have a long back story, but have tried to make amends in recent years

Your comments about the tablet was you making amends? 🤣🤣

C152 · 30/11/2024 17:51

I had to read your post a few times to make sure it really said that your MIL was playing Angry Birds during the meal and not one of the children! That is such weird behaviour! No, I don't think you were rude to comment. Her behaviour, on the other hand, was definitely rude and it sounds like she was probably just doing it to push your buttons.

RaininSummer · 30/11/2024 17:52

I think she was very rude and it is bad example for the children. Your crochet is not rude as it's not at the dinner table.

MarmaladeSideDown · 30/11/2024 18:03

I suspect that this was her trying to make a point - not to you, but to her grandchildren, and how rude it is to play computer games at the table when you are supposed to be socialising with visiting family.

Very strange for her to do it while you were there though. Very strange.

Dotto · 30/11/2024 18:13

Yes rude but it's her home and she was probably trying to undermine you all / wind you up. I'd have raised my eyebrows and ignored her. You gave her the ammunition she was probably seeking and played right into her hands.

Ruggsey · 30/11/2024 19:32

Utterly uncouth.
Wouldn't dream of bothering again.
That was a deliberate attempt to offend.
Let her off.

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