Tell me about your weekends with a non sporty young teen

[Tacocatgoatcheesepizza]

I just want to know if this is typical really.

DS is 13. Not into football at all and is generally not that active (does have a dyspraxia diagnosis) He goes to a tennis club on Saturday mornings (as long as it’s not raining) and we go swimming every week or 2 on a Sunday - he’s not a massive fan of swimming and he and his sibling mostly play and just do a few lengths of actual swimming!

He doesn’t mind doing things like bowling/crazy golf/cinema etc but apart from that he’s either gaming or watching YouTube (although he watches educational YouTube rather than total trash) obviously those things are expensive and we can’t do them all the time!! As a family we are not outdoorsy and don’t do ‘walks’ apart from the odd NT visit.

He has no interest in meeting up with school friends out of school - I have no concerns about this, it’s just who he is. He does game online with them sometimes.

Does this sound typical? I seem to be surrounded by people whose teenage boys are just playing sports all weekend.

Yeah if he wants to, because he goes to school all week. Gaming is how a lot of people spend their downtime. He is doing something he likes, just not what you think he should be doing.

Although he may not be on the spectrum, he sounds like a lot of boys who are, especially in light of the dyspraxia. ND people need downtime and things they consider to be the right level of stimulation. It's part of learning to emotionally regulate. That is football or rugby for him. Let him be who he is.

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn perhaps i should have added ‘not naturally sporty’ He does genuinely enjoy tennis and goes to a weekday club as well but swimming he only does because I make him 😁 just to clarify I’m definitely not looking to try and make him more sporty, I too am incredibly glad our weekends are not dictated by sport! It’s just when you see parents out and about and their kids have played 2 hours of football before lunch and mine is still in his pyjamas playing fortnite it’s hard not to worry sometimes that everyone else is out and about!

He doesn’t enjoy any other home based activity which is what stresses me out more. If he’s at home it’s tv or gaming. He reads but only when he goes to bed. He loves chess but he’s so good at it he doesn’t even want to play us anymore 😂 The YouTube he watches is mainly about chess. He doesn’t like anything like Lego or crafty things.

@ByGentleFatball he gets 3 hours of gaming and easily 5+ hours of tv. He’s 13 not 16 and I think it’s still appropriate to have some limits at his age 🤷🏼‍♀️

And yes I’m quite sure he sits somewhere on the autistic spectrum.

I feel I should elaborate here, I’m not looking to make him more sporty. He uses screen time and tv time to relax - I am ok with that.

He does a little bit of sport. He’s doing fantastically well at school. He reads widely.

I was really just looking for reassurance that there are plenty of us out there who’s kids are vegetating on the sofa at the weekend rather than playing sports all day!

Have you tried playing with him wither yourself or as a family? That's the typical advice given which both respects his interests and need for space while acknowledging your concern about social isolation.

Interactive style games can also help with physical exercise.

@Tacocatgoatcheesepizza I've never liked sport.
As a teen I did go swimming every so often (just fun swimming) and I rode my bike but that was it.
A typical Saturday for me from the age of about 10 - 15 was get up and watch whatever cartoon was on at 8.30am. 9am it was then watching Going Live/Live and Kicking. At about 11.30 I would change the channel to ITV for the Chart Show.
At about half 1 my mum would stick her head around the living room door and say "are you doing anything today or what?"
😂😂
The rest of the time was reading, listening to music and sometimes going into town.
My 16 year old basically does the 21st version.
Watching stuff online (often TV shows on netflix, sometimes tiktok crap), playing Nintendo, reading and trips to charity shops.
@Tacocatgoatcheesepizza your son sounds perfectly normal. Unless he starts up with the "I'm booooooored" whine then leave him be.
(I've tagged you twice - sorry I didn't mean to)

I can reassure you op, my dd is in year 9 and has 4 good friends in her mixed friendship group who are boys 13-14. Apart from one who still does a martial arts class at the weekend, the others have all gradually stopped doing sports and organised activities / clubs at the weekends. They spend the majority of their free time on calls to each other whilst gaming at the weekend and in the weekday evenings once they've all finished homework, dinner etc.

One of them used to be good at football and played in a local team every Saturday, his Dad is a huge football fan and still plays himself every weekend. He was gutted when his son didn't want to play anymore, still mentions it every time I see him 2 years later! Sometimes the kids doing the sport at weekends are heavily influenced by their parents, and as they get older grow out of things.

It's a funny age, and it sounds like you have a good balance between letting ds do what he enjoys in his downtime, and getting him out to do something active. I know parents who have boys and girls this age who let them game or stay in their rooms on screens all weekend, and despair they're not out socialising with friends or wanting to spend time doing something as a family. Not saying it's right or healthy but any of the teen boys doing sport amongst families we know seem in a small at this age. it seems to have happened gradually since they started secondary school (the girls too) and especially this year in year 9. The boys mostly seem to be going through puberty that bit later than the girls and getting more self conscious and socially awkward this year too. Don't be surprised if your ds goes off going swimming with you at some point as he gets older!

If he has some friends and is generally happy in himself then I wouldn't worry about changing things, you're getting him out of the house for some activity and family things, and if he's doing well at school, his homework, some reading before bed etc as you say then it all sounds a great and sensible realistic balance. If he's possibly ND then it's also important he has his downtime periods to self regulate, my dd uses gaming and screens for this too.