Anyone awake?

[folkmore]

Not sure how much I’ll even reply to this because I’m tired but I just need to get it off my chest to start fresh tomorrow.

I feel like I’m finally ready to start planning my way to get out of the position I’m living. Drugs, drinking, even just nicotine use. I have an addictive personality and comparing myself to when I was 18 I would have never thought that I’d be like this now because I didn’t even touch any of it till mid 20s. It will be such a drastic live change because I know the only way to stop it all is to leave my circle of friends who all partake too.

I have a job, all this happens recreationally on weekends but the effects are lasting longer and longer. I’m tired of convincing myself I’m okay with it and it’s not a big deal, I’m not anymore

Solidarity, op, you can do it. I am now over a year clean and sober, lost over a decade to addiction and the associated mental health crisis(es)
I never thought I’d be sober in my life and it hasn’t been easy but I can tell you it’s worth it, genuinely. I wake up every single day happy to be living.

Also didn’t have issues until in my 20’s, didn’t drink as a teen etc or anything then hit me like a truck. You’re not alone, the first thing I did was read ‘the unexpected joy of being sober’, hadn’t read a book in years but it felt like therapy to me. Then I just took each day at a time, had a few small set backs but kept going. Lots of external support (groups etc) out there but I knew that wasn’t for me. Just do whichever route you feel you can stick to.

I’m absolutely fine all week. Like won’t even have a glass of wine or anything like that. But once I start I just don’t stop. I’ll go back with friends who want to carry on and I literally just won’t stop until I have to. I did decline going to meet up with friends yesterday when they were texting me saying things like ‘we’ve got lines waiting for you’ begging me to jump a taxi. I feel like me saying no after work was the first sign to myself that this just isn’t for me anymore

I haven't been in your position OP, but did let my weight creep up and up. Around 16 months ago I finally decided i was in a place to tackle it, and I lost 5 stone.
My advice for what it is worth is to change your lifestyle to avoid triggers as you seem to be planning. Don't just think you can go to the same old situations and change. Avoid the situations.
Also don't think 'just 1 will be ok' as one leads to 2, leads to 3 ....
You can do it.

sometimes we just have to reach that point where we go enough is enough. It seems you have got to that point and now could be a strong chance to go for it, although this time of year is very difficult as temptation everywhere (drinking, parties, time off work etc)
be kind to yourself and remember you can always start again, one day at a time. I believe in you.

You could tell all your friends that you are opting out and please don't contact you for this, but they may not be supportive.

A drastic sounding but may help would be to block them temporarily?

See that would never be my problem, because I never do ‘oh just one’. I don’t see the point in a drink unless I’m going on a full night out. And if I do, the night out isn’t the problem

my problem is carrying on after the night out so instead of getting a taxi home I carry on with friends back to their place and that carries during daylight hours.

but to the same effect I have to not go out at all for it to work.

This is great advice. Sobriety often triggers people about their own usage ( I was the same, I’d be horrible about it and mock them but it was my own fear id be losing someone to use with etc)
You have to cut out everything and everyone that is Involved with those drugs/drink.

Also my friends and I aren’t the stereotypical drug users you’d imagine. We all work incredibly difficult jobs and we all have had very traumatic experiences in life and when we have these nights, we genuinely do sit around and listen and support each other. But drugs are always involved.

They’re good people and actually good friends just trying to deal with their own stuff but know it won’t make a difference with temptation

But the two things can be true at the same time
people can be ‘good people’ but also be drug users
people can have genuine reasons for wanting the escapism trauma etc but also not realise that the very root of a lot of their prolonged mental health battles is actually the substances
I think the thing is, this pattern isn’t sustainable. I’m not sure how old you are but once I reached my mid 30’s I just couldn’t carry on with the binge / weekend pattern
do any of your friendship group ever express wanting to be sober?

Yes, if any of your friends has expressed an interest in staying sober you could try a different meet up eg a coffee shop on a Saturday morning, or a walk in a park or something. Just don't go for a pub lunch after! Avoid that by having plans (real or imaginary).

Amazing news you've made a great decision, and your friends do sound good, just all feeding off each other's energy. You never know you could tell them how you feel and see if anyone would join you? Maybe they feel the same?