Is it normal to worry about dying after having DC?

[Christmaslover1952]

Ever since I’ve sorted out life insurance and will since having DC I can’t stop thinking about dying one day. It doesn’t yet affect my day to day life… but I guess it’s 8pm on a Thursday night and I’m thinking about it so!

I can’t explain it… the thought of not being here one day. The thought of nothingness forever (obviously rationally realise I won’t know once I’m gone)

Sometimes, especially at nights it just hits me that I won’t be here one day.. all the memories and all the worries and all the good and bad times.. gone.

What I wanted to know is if anyone else feels the same, and words of wisdom please. Do I need CBT perhaps? Or does it pass!

thank you

It can be. I think some level of intrusive thoughts are normal after having kids. It's paying attention if they start to cause anxiety and take over your life.

Our brains can't wrap itself around death. It just can't. If it starts to make you feel unhappy though I'd probably distract myself if it becomes a habit and see a GP if it gets out of control.

I'd say it's normal because you know your kids are currently relying on you being here. Mix that with you want to be here forever so you don't miss a moment of their future lives, so you naturally start thinking about your death - what if and when. Hopefully it won't be for a very long time and they will be fully functioning adults that can cope because you'll have taught them those life skills.

Yes. Also what strange and awful accidents could happen. It does pass.

Thanks. I think it could be intrusive thoughts as well. I’m hoping it’ll pass

I think it's really normal for having children to make you think about mortality and meaning- positive or negative (the idea that something will live on beyond you in your children, but also fear about leaving them). And more generally I felt that becoming a mother was like removing a couple of layers of skin- I suddenly became far more sensitive to everything, and that included mortality. I also felt more highly attuned to danger when my children were small- which makes sense- and that included dangers to myself.

I'm not sure it passes entirely but it becomes less troublesome as you get more used to it. I found it helped to lean into it and read books on mortality and dying- that gave me a focus and context so I didn't feel like I was just fretting away but actually doing something helpful in considering my own mortality and my place in the world. It felt as if having children made it a lot harder to keep my head in the sand about all that, or maybe it was just age, but there comes a point when you have to give the matter some thought.

So I wouldn't assume that thinking about these things is necessarily unhealthy or liable to lead to unhappiness. Equally, you will know whether it's tending that way in you, and if it is then maybe some external help would be useful- could either be something like CBT to help you manage what you might see as intrusive thoughts or some other kind of therapy to help you process how you feel about those thoughts.

Absolutely normal in my experience.

yeah i have this anxiety really badly. my husbands mum passed away when he was 10 and its affected him so much im terrified history repeats itself

Thank you. This does make so much sense.

You worry about accidents, making sure they’re in their car seat correctly, wondering about the what ifs. They didn’t seem to worry me at the beginning I just expected the “normal mum worries” now it’s most likely turned into a bit of fear of the what ifs

I had lots of intrusive thoughts after having my DDs. Mainly terrified that something would happen to them....and then terrified that something would happen to me.

It did pass. I used to literally shout INTRUSIVE THOUGHT in my head to myself whenever I found myself thinking about it and weirdly that helped.

I think it’s because deep down I know 90% of what I worry about will not happen. But I know this will happen one day. And not knowing when either

This is probably a good idea! Thank you