Would you buy a Christmas present for these neighbours

[Darkwinterynights]

We are friendly with our neighbours who are a couple in their 70’s, or at least I thought we were. We’ve previously swapped Christmas and birthday presents but this last six to nine months they have become really cool towards us. The male over the course of the summer went from being friendly to now ignoring me and our adult son and only saying hello to my husband if he says hello to him first. We have previously swapped birthday presents but this year he ignored my birthday. She wished me happy birthday on fb.

I feel like if things have cooled that’s fine, although I’ve no idea why. My query is would you just accept this friendship is over and not send Christmas presents over this year. I don’t want to waste my money if they are not going to be well received. I don’t know why the friendship has gone cold and it’s pointless asking him because he’ll just deny it. I don’t want a confrontation with him. If they don’t want to be friends anymore I accept that. Would you leave sending presents over and accept what it is now, for whatever reasons.

I probably just wouldn’t bother, but if you’re worried, buy a low-cost, generic present- chocolates or naice biscuits or something- wrap it up and put a generic label on it, and then you can whip it out if they bring a present round for you. If they don’t, just give it to someone else or use it yourself.

I would post a card through the door.
Gifting for neighbours birthday and Christmas could be a stretch for them that they no longer want to do or they may have stuff going on that you don’t know about. Try not to jump to thinking they no longer want to be friends.

I would just keep an emergency box of chocolates (nothing expensive) on standby wrapped up in case they give you a gift. If they haven't given you anything by Christmas day I would scoff the lot. Alternatively plead cost of living and cutting back.

I would probably get a generic, consumable gift that you won’t mind yourself. Have it wrapped and on the side. If they pop over with a Christmas present for you, you can give the chocolates/wine/chutney and preserves and if they don’t, you have it in between Christmas and new year.

I wouldn't leave a gift.

Send holiday greetings on FB. If they leave you something, nip out and pick up something up for them.

If you are friends with her on FB can you not drop her a friendly message just asking if you have somehow unknowingly offended them in any way?

It does seem strange for them to suddenly go cool with you and if it were me I would be intrigued to know why.

I would also be likely to write a card wishing them Happy Christmas and wrap a box of biscuits for them and leave them on the doorstep when you know they are in. If you don't get anything in return, not even a Christmas card, then cut your losses. You can do no more and you may never know why they have gone cold on you.

I wouldn’t bother. Something is clearly bothering them. Given that they obviously feel unable to discuss this with you directly, I wouldn’t stress about it. Just continue to be pleasant and neighbourly and leave it at that.🙂

Wait and see what they do.

Exactly as others have said, an emergency present in the cupboard, nice biscuits, wrapped and ready to go, no tag but with a separate card. If they pop anything round you can give it, if not keep it for yourself. Make sure it's something you like.

Do you want to rekindle the friendship @Darkwinterynights? If so, I would give them a card and a small gift. You never know, it might soothe whatever’s upset them and move you all on from whatever’s going on.

To me that would be worth risking the cost of a box of chocolates. If they don’t give a reciprocal card or gift, and they continue to ignore you, well then you know they’re not interested or able to pursue the friendship.

Is it possible that he has early dementia? Could explain the behavioural changes.

Do you both exchange gifts or just you giving them? If the former maybe buy something (that you might use/eat yourselves!) and wrap, if he pops over with a present, then exchange yours. If not, may just stop and put a card through the door.

If it's just one neighbour, the only thing I would question is do you think he's got onset dementia, any worries?

This is what TK Maxx weird and wonderful chocolates and biscuits are for! They are my go-to shop for random presents for neighbours etc.

It could be that he has early dementia and does not fully recognise you any more

Agree with this. It could be nothing to do with you in particular, just a general problem that they are having that is making them withdraw.