Bullying at Primary - what to do

[AhBiscuits]

DD is 8 and have some issues with a couple of children in her class. One of them is her former best friend who has randomly turned on her. His bullying is more obvious, he will tell her she's ugly and stupid, hide her lunch box, tell other children to ignore her etc. The class teacher has spoken to him many times. His partner in crime is bullying her too but she gives her 'death stares', makes faces, smirks and whispers behind her hand while looking at her. They were practicing their Christmas play this week and DD ended up in floods of tears as this girl was doing the smirking and whispering thing while she was trying to do her parts.

I just don't know what to do anymore. The teacher does appear to be taking it seriously and he's going to speak the children involved and try and get to the bottom of what was going on during the rehearsal. But it's been going on for months and nothing is changing. I've spoken to DD a lot about ignoring the smirking girl, try not to look at her and to speak to a teacher if either of them do or say anything to her but she can't do it. She gets very upset whenever it happens.

Is there anything else the school should be doing or that I can do? She really likes school most of the time so it's heartbreaking to see her going through this. From nowhere the other day she told me she doesn't want to invite any friends round for her birthday as we had planned and refused to tell me why. It must be linked.

1, speak to teacher
2, speak to a parent
3, tell your DD to give them a smack
4, If it hasn't stopped I'm coming round your house

If the teacher is taking action then I'd keep the dialogue open with them and keep highlighting instances and how it makes your DD feel.

If it continues and doesn't stop after teacher doing whatever they are doing then escalate to SLT and insist it's dealt with. No child should be unhappy at school as a result of others.

Don't engage with parents of the kids and just reassure your DD that their behaviour is unacceptable and will be sorted.

My DS was bullied last year and I was having daily conversations with newly qualified teacher who was just out of her depth so I met with deputy one morning and she took it from there. Head also involved and they were nothing short of brilliant.

Bully had pastoral help.

Don't let it go on for the sake of the mental health of your DD.

All schools have a policy that'll be on their website and they'll have to follow it.

Hope it resolved soon.

Thank you.

There has been more trouble today. The class teacher spoke to the bullies but DD said it made no difference and they carried on as usual. It continued into afterschool club and one of the staff came to talk to me at pick up and said DD was being verbally bullied and that she has spoken to the deputy head and filed a report. I think I'm going to ask for a meeting or a call with the deputy head. I can't see them stopping. The boy in particular does not give a shit how often he is told off as it happens every day anyway.

Familiarise yourself with the behaviour, the bullying and the safeguarding policies. Before meeting with head.

I don’t know if it’s mandatory to have them on the website but they should be able to email them to you pronto.

Write down in chronological order what has happened.

‘Don't engage with parents of the kids and just reassure your DD that their behaviour is unacceptable and will be sorted.’ This advice is completely spot on but I would go further and say as it’s been going on for months there is something amiss with the behaviour management of the teacher and/or the school. Hopefully not, and hopefully the head will have it sorted as soon as he/she is aware.

Rest assured, what you have described is, without doubt, bullying. Your daughter should not have to endure it and I’m hoping the head will be horrified that it’s been going on for so long.

Good luck!

As Tutorpuzzle posted, read the bullying and safeguarding policy.

If you have raised this with the teacher and nothing has changed, then you need to escalate to the next level, the SLT or Deputy Head.

Write a list of as many incidents that your DD can remember to show the pattern of abuse.

List exactly which children are involved again to show a pattern and that it isn't confined to one child.
Think through exactly how this is affecting your DD, her ability to learn, her happiness at school.

Decide what you want to get out of this. Ideally the children should be moved into another class and contact between them and your DD strictly limited.

When my DD was bullied I wrote to the school with a list of exactly what had happened, who was involved etc. I stated that DD was not to be assigned to any classes with the bullies, and that they were to be kept apart on field trips and camps (to avoid them being assigned to the same dorm for instance). The teacher she had during the year she was bullied was absolutely useless about it and was pretty unpleasant to DD herself. Fortunately her next teacher came down like a ton of bricks on anyone she caught being mean to DD. The bully would still call DD 'loser' and pull faces at her when they passed each other in the hallways, but that was the most she could do without getting into a lot of trouble.

Get a copy of the bullying policy and the peer on peer abuse policy.

Go through it line by line and highlight anything that you recognise as having happened to your dd, and the actions that the school should have taken.

Go through this with the HT at the meeting.

I've sent an email to the school and asked for a copy of their bullying policy. I've sent them a bullet point list of things that have happened this school year. I've said that I want these children to be kept away from DD and asked what they are going to do to make sure this happens. I imagine I'll get a call tomorrow, hopefully from the head. I asked for my email to be referred to the head, deputy head and class teacher.