I want to scream/run away

[Inthepits6]

Please help, my mental health is going downhill through disrupted sleep.

DD6 has started waking at night and being scared. Sometimes she's happy with a quick cuddle, sometimes she takes an hour to get back to sleep. I find it so triggering for some reason so by the time she's finally asleep I can't drift off again through a mixture of anxiety and rage.

I don't know whats wrong with me. I now also struggle to fall asleep at night too worrying how long I have before I get woken up again.

I've been up since 2, DD3 ended up also waking which was so overwhelming. They're now both asleep but DH is keeping me awake by snoring really badly.

My heart is racing and I've just burst into tears and am shaking.

I don't know why I'm struggling so much.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know from experience that a lack of sleep, combined with trying desperately to get your kid back to sleep, is maddening. I can only imagine that it's worse with two DCs.

Can your husband help you at all? Mine steps in to save me when this kind of thing happen and it is life saving.

You could also take a melatonin supplement (if you have any) and watch some mind-numbing TV until you feel sleepy.

Oh you poor thing! Sleep deprivation is absolutely horrendous. So I know a lot of families who just sleep with one kid in the bed each they tend to sleep better next to you (I know bad habits but who cares you need sleep) plus u can get away from that snoring! NEVER look at the clock, it will only wind you up more xx

I totally get this. I feel like I can't relax enough to fall asleep as I'm 'on duty' and constantly listening out for crying. The thing that saves me is myself and my husband split the nights. So on alternative nights I know it's not my responsibility to deal with the kids if they wake up. Then I feel like I can relax and sleep properly. So no matter how bad it is I can catch up the next night. Can you do alternatives like that? Or even take a day off work/ childcare to catch up on sleep? It sounds like you're on the verge on burn out.

Thank you all. DH would happily help but it would require me to wake him up as he never hears anything. And unfortunately I also can't relax and sleep when I know one of the DC is awake, even if DH is with them. I'll be stressing wondering why they are awake, why they can't sleep, etc etc.

My brain is non stop.

Sleeping with DD would definitely help, I've been trying not to as sometimes she does sleep well independently and that's what I want to encourage, but right now we might have to, as I'm going totally mad and am struggling to concentrate at work.

I can't explain the level of rage when all 3 of them are keeping me up (we really need to look into DH's snoring). It feels really personal and like I'm being tortured. I know it's totally dramatic, I'm just really at the end of my tether with it all.

It sounds like you might be anxious. Possibly this is something you could help with wellbeing activities or maybe something to see the GP about. Can't really tell the level from just theses posts. I would maybe think about why you can't leave your husband to deal with it? Assuming he's a decent parent. It's not rocket science putting a kid back to bed. I'd try a few things. Wax earplugs to drown out snoring and low level kid noise. Make sure husband is closest to the door. Brief kids is daddy's night to deal with you tonight so they wake him. Then don't get out of bed no matter what. Even if you wake up, you're still resting not dealing with it, and it might be easier to get back to sleep.

Op would it help to get a routine where you go to bed much earlier? For years I resisted this, persisting with the “children in bed, now I have time to read, email etc” routine.

Then at a point I had the flu and started to shower early, get into pyjamas and basically put them to bed then go myself at the same time. I quite liked it, and carried it on for several weeks after and still revert to it for a few nights if I’m feeling exhausted. That way, even if they wake, you’ve already had a decent sleep beforehand. That might stop you stressing about how long you have left. You sound deeply exhausted.

Let her crawl in with you and both fall asleep, it's better than the torture of sleep deprivation

And you don’t have to sleep with DH if he snores . 😴 🛌 💤

Thank you all. Today is a new day, I will definitely brief DH and DC tonight and try to have a decent sleep and not be so neurotic about it all.

At most DC would keep me up an hour, perhaps two. It's still plenty of time to get sleep either side of it really so the exhaustion is mainly caused by myself/anxiety and not being able to drift off.

I do have mild anxiety most of the time, and lack of sleep ramps it up. A good night's sleep or two usually resets me but it's not happened in so long now that it's all escalated to an unmanageable level.

My heart is constantly racing, I start exhausted and with little patience so the night wakes seem unbearable.

Definitely agree about going to bed early. When I do manage it I fall asleep a lot more easily and as DD doesn't usually wake before 2am I can usually get at least 4 hours which is a good start.

Thank you so much for the advice, I'm determined and positive to turn it around!