Single women at Christmas

[ChicRaven]

How do you feel about family gatherings when you are the only single one there ?
I dread family events like these as always feel like a kid despite my age (39). All my family are in lovely relationships and I always feel like the sad loser who everyone pities. I don't actually want a man in my life as I adore my own space but sometimes it gets hard shouldering life alone.

I’ve honestly never felt like this. I am single through choice after realising that relationships aren’t for me.

I don’t feel like anyone pities me tbh.

I always felt like you OP. Still do probably, only I haven’t got any close family left so there are far fewer occasions to have to ‘get through’ I felt a a bit more ‘accepted’ when I had my daughter (solo parent through adoption)

no words of wisdom, just empathy and sympathy. It used to make me sad. These days I’m a bit more ‘meh’ and care much less what other people think!

I occasionally feel like this, when I stay at my mums over Christmas I end up in one of the single beds that are usually used by grandchildren 🙈😂

It's definitely a bit Bridget Jones, this year I've been invited to my brother and sils house with their kids for Christmas dinner and it feels a bit like a duty invite to the spinster aunt 😬

I don't really mind tbh, it is what it is 🤷‍♀️

The only people who makes me feel weird about it are my parents. They treat me like a kid - and explain to people why I’m single! I can see aunts, uncles and cousins looking at them like they are bonkers!

I am too old for their shot to be honest - it’s their issue not mine 😊

If o can offer you the other perspective... I have kids, but my cousin is often the only single one from our generation around.

I've not talked to her about this, but from my point of view, she's awesome. Her career is flying and she has a social life 10x mine. I certainly don't pity her!

I absolutely hated family gatherings when I was single. I married for the first time in my late 30s. But up until then, yes I always felt like I was pitied.

My aunts aren’t married and never had kids. It’s never even crossed my mind to pity them. They are happy, have dogs, a great social life. I like the time to catch up with everyone.

Is there any specific examples or comments OP that make you feel this way? Just wondering if anyone can help with some useful phrases if uncle Timmy is saying anything rude?

If they are actively rude or cruel to you, you snap back, or leave.

But really most people are too bound up in themselves to notice you much I'm afraid.

I felt a bit awkward at weddings and family gatherings when I was younger (but disn’t get married until I was 35) and back then I would always get the have you not got a boyfriend yet its about time you settled down found a husband type comments which I hated. I personally felt like a bit of an oddball/outcast/failure for not fitting in and dreaded these events.

Once I met DH I didn’t feel like this anymore and felt more comfortable at these events. .

Some years later many friends have said they were envious of my being single back then, having such an interesting and busy life and my being different and not feeling the need to bow down to conform to societal expectations and rush into anything. I was quite surprised they thought that.

Or always being the one who has to sleep on the sofa & dress / undress in the bathroom, which means having no control over when you go to bed or get up & no space to retreat to for a few minutes’ quiet.

I don’t do it any more. If I know I’m not getting a bedroom, I stay somewhere nearby instead.

I'm 53 and have always been single. I too used to feel similarly conspicuous and uncomfortable at certain events and gatherings. Eventually, I just stopped attending these things! I've missed a few nephews' and nieces' weddings and brother/sister things over the years but my priority is looking after number one. This might seem selfish but I put myself first; no one else can do that for me.

My SIL comes to us at Christmas and I definitely don’t pity her…..in fact I envy her swanning in looking fabulous with stories of her pre-Xmas socialising while I’ve been run ragged cleaning the house and making dinner.

I once overheard someone say ‘Wouldn’t you think SprinkleCake would have met someone by now?’

They had no idea I always had someone to date as I kept my live very private. So family can appear to be single but it doesn’t mean we don’t have a man behind the scenes.

Even though SIL is not my favourite person in the world I did feel really bad for her at big family gatherings. These were big 20 plus gatherings, until she was about 45 people would always ask her every time about BF, settling down etc.

I've got single frie

I feel fine about it as I don't think being single is a bad thing and I'm secure enough in myself to know that if anyone does think it is a bad thing, it's their problem not mine.

Makes me think of Bridget Jones and the ‘smug marrieds’!

I’ve got a cousin in your position and love spending time with her at Christmas. Tbh I think we’re all a bit jealous of her freedom - we are both teachers and from a family of teachers but she has done far better in her career than any of the rest of us. She’s very good at sarcastic retorts whenever her parents etc portray her as a teenager!

Totally the Bridget Jones smug marrieds. That's how I feel when I'm around my family. Occasionally I get the 'You not married yet?' 'comment from older relatives but I've distanced myself from them over the years.
I guess I just feel alternatively like the kid or the spinster at these times of year.

Parents been together since they were 16. Siblings all in perfect relationships.
That's why I hate the day itself. I love the build up to Christmas but once it hits Christmas eve, that's the fun over for me.

I'm have been happy to join in in everything in the past while in that position

I’m sorry to hear that @ChicRaven

I didn’t mind being with family - as the youngest, I don’t think anyone takes me seriously anyway, and I was always the most popular auntie. But I did get fed up with always getting the airbed, sleeping in the dining room etc.

These days the family is too big to all get together, I go to my sister’s and get a room to myself and we have a quieter Christmas - but I really miss having everyone around

I play a game to amuse myself at Christmas, and see how long I can absent myself from the family dinner table before someone notices. One year I had over an hour's peace before one of the children needed a wee and walked past me on the way to the toilet.

@Anoisagusaris Yes, it’s far nicer to show up and enjoy the festivities than be the one doing all the preparations! I’d love to arrive looking fabulous and not have to do the hard graft!

Try to enjoy not having to host, @ChicRaven! 😂