Ds keeps getting overlooked and it's bugging me

[FootballInTheCold]

We have just come away from yet another football practice where ds did everything asked of him, and got no recognition whatsoever.

Ds has been at this club for a few months now. He has always gave his all to every lesson. At the end they do a player of the match award. Ds has never won it despite playing well, taking on advice and scoring many goals.

He's now coming away from the lessons saying ' why did X get the award today? He spent the whole lesson messing around'
It's getting to a point where he's feeling disheartened and so am I.

What should I say to him to show him that the award isn't the be all and end all and he's doing well?

Depends a bit on how old he is. Did he have fun? Did he try his best? Did he try to use things they learn in practice in the match? Does he feel like he is getting better? Being able to answer those, and similar, questions honestly to himself is worth a lot more than a player of the match, especially if they give one out after every lesson.

He's 9 and he always uses techniques from the lesson in the match. He is always the child sat listening too when the others are play fighting or being told to listen.

He really loves football but it's making him wonder if it's the right sport for him. He thinks that because he never gets the award he must be rubbish at it.

I know he's good at it and me and his dad tell him how well he's played.

This happened to my DS, now 10.

He got so fed up he left and started kickboxing instead.

Much happier boy.

Is there another team he could join?

Even if you have a word and he gets the next award he won't believe he won it on merit. I'd probably look for another team if he doesn't want to try another sport. Unless he's likely to move up and have a different coach soon, then it might be worth sticking it out.

Honestly OP, PoM really isn't/shouldn't be a big deal for him. DD plays GS at her netball club, she therefore scores the vast majority of the goals because that's her role on the team (43 of them at her last match). She very rarely gets PoM because she's just doing her 'job'. They get handed out for a brilliant interception, or a centre court player darting around like a ninja or something really outside of the ordinary for a player. It really doesn't bother her in the slightest, she feels rewarded if the team win, or they play well together, or beat a club they weren't expected to and usually agrees with whoever get PoM and will be happy for them. If her coach tells her she played well, or her team mates are proud of a 'long shot' she manages to get in the net, that's sufficient for her.

I feel like this happens at my sons football practice. There is a kid who’s amazing but never wins and I felt guilty when my son got man of the match for doing well in goal last week. I’m thinking they’re looking at who’s progressing to encourage them, but I feel so badly for the good kid. I’d speak to the coaches.

You could say to the coach DS is lacking a bit of confidence - that might nudge him

Is he improving week on week? Being a good team player, by encouraging the others etc?
When my team were 9 year olds it didn't matter if they well behaved, scored goals etc what mattered was their attitude to the rest of the team, had they tried their best, etc

I find it odd that you refer to these as ‘lessons’. It doesn’t really reflect the club, team and environment that such sports usually operate in. It feels like you aren’t really part of the team community and are only concerned with individual achievements.

My sons football team is the opposite and it's mostly the person scoring the goals that gets POTM. My son is in goals and rarely gets it.

I don’t see why they do this in training, it leads to discouragement almost like the other players aren’t working hard enough at training! it depends if it’s a grassroots team or not, my son plays for grassroots and an academy, he never got recognised for his hard work in the academy training (tell a lie maybe once when he first joined, but which child doesn’t get it at the start) but he stuck at it and now he’s in there official team. In his grassroots team the opposition coach chooses MOM.
let him decide, if he’s really discouraged by this then ask him if he wants to move. I always say to my DS (7) just enjoy it, don’t take it too serious. We forget they are children

"Player of the match" isn't an award for diligent attention and effort in training sessions though.

Perhaps the club could be encouraged to also reward other aspects of the team members' efforts

Yep same here, and it's annoying because they all try to score no matter what position they're in because they want the bloody trophy!

It is sad that the hard workers, the tryers don't get recognition. Maybe you can make a fuss at home? Buy him a small medal and tell him youll always be my man of the match! Talking part is what counts, but recognition for a good job always helps boost morale! Hopefully he gets it for real soon!

In my experience, it totally depends on the coach. Some coaches are dads who love football and they don’t really have the skills to pick up on the skill and focus on goal scorers.

My son was the same, always polite and I remember being so frustrated driving half an hour to an away game only to watch him play for 5 mins. He didn’t have a position so never excelled but he carried on and worked hard and is now captain of a team that is top of the U15 Prem division. The goal scoring children all peaked at around 11 years old and most moved around several teams as they were no longer getting the recognition they were used to before giving up altogether.

If he loves the game, he will soon find his position.

Get used to it. If your face fits they’ll get more recognition. It was always the same kids that got it at my sons and their parents were besties with the coaches family.

A lot of kids football clubs run like this 👆very cliquey.

I'm thankful ds turns 16 this season, next year he's joining a mens 5 a side team.

That’s interesting because I’ve come across that at national youth teams and in classical music- people peak early then disappear

My husband coaches my son’s U11 football team and has managed to hold off POTM trophy until this season. His reasons he didn’t want to do it were, it’s development football, no scores recorded yet and he just wanted the lads to have fun.
The club has insisted all teams participate this season and my husband finds it difficult.
Making sure a balance of players are recognised, all positions and not just handing it round for no reasons other than someone hasn’t had it yet.
ultimately his own son hasn’t had the trophy yet although he’s played really well and I’ve got him asking me, do you think I’ll ever get it ?
I would say he always praises all the lads for things they do well in the team, so if you feel your son isn’t praised or is constantly overlooked, perhaps a different more encouraging team might be an option ?