What to say to friend?

[NewDaye]

My friend had a really difficult and scary labour experience. She is telling me all about it but I’m not sure what to reply to her messages. If you were in that situation, what would you want a friend to say? I haven’t had kids yet so don’t remotely even know what to say and don’t want to say the wrong thing!

OMG!
That’s awful.
Mother of God (or however you usually express intense shock/concern) you poor thing.
Just empathy really. Hearing her. She may appreciate telling you because you don’t have kids and won’t try to explain away her horrific experiences. Don’t say ‘at least…’ (baby is healthy, you’ve survived etc). Just acknowledge the awfulness.

Thank you for getting through to me! She’s given me a lot of details and I was just scrambling to think what is/isn’t normal during labour.

It doesn’t matter, stuff can be ‘normal’ but feel horrendous, especially at such a sensitive time. A friend who can listen and react empathically is a precious, precious thing. (She might freak you out a little rn - be intense, or tearful, or otherwise not ‘herself’ - it’ll pass.)

Just platitudes! Bloody hell, sounds scary, hope you’re okay, etc etc. The only wrong thing you can say is along the lines of “millions of women have done it before you, stop moaning!” as my ex said to me 😡

It can be horrific and terrifying. But the baby takes over and we forget all about it soon after.