I can't do this anymore

[Pluckolit]

When I say can't function I mean I'm tearful all day, very irritable with my other child and everyone else around me, not safe to drive. My 4 month old has never slept more than 3 hours in a row since he was born - and that's 3 hours on an exceptionally good night, I can't remember the last time he did it. On a normal night he's up every single hour.
It doesnt matter what we do - formula, breast milk, co sleeping, more naps, fewer naps, bedtime routine, white noise, dummy - believe me I have tried literally everything short of proper sleep training as he is too young. We co sleep simply out of necessity but he still wakes every hour. He's not in pain or screaming - just wants to feed for 5 minutes then go back to sleep. He does not have reflux or CMPA or any other physical issue. He is not teething. He is a content and happy baby but I am not. I am so chronically sleep deprived I can hardly remember my own name. I am not expecting him to sleep through the night. But 8-10 wake ups per night is just not sustainable. My DH works with heavy machinery so cannot take over the nights as wouldn't be safe. I have 0 family support and I mean 0. I can't nap in the day as I have to care for my older child.

I don't know what to do any more. I feel I can't go on.

@Pluckolit Could he be hungry? I was breastfeeding and it was hell with him waking up multiple times a night. Turned out I was running out of milk. A bottle of formula even to supplement bf helped.

Does home-start cover your area? They could send someone to help even just for a couple of hours once a week.

Ah sorry, you did say you tried formula. Maybe a stronger formula?

It does sound like he's hungry tho.

@Pinkerama we did this actually and it worked wonders and made me look forward to bed time instead of dreading it because I knew I was getting a solid block of sleep (unless one of the older ones woke up)
But it really did help

To help just get you through the next few weeks till he's old enough for sleep training, can you try lying-down breastfeeding at night while you're co sleeping? I had an appalling sleeper and it helped me a bit not have to wake up as fully as I did when I was heaving myself upright in bed every time to feed (plus it was getting dangerous as I was falling asleep while sitting up in bed holding him). Sometimes I was so exhausted that I actually fell asleep again while he was still feeding, but it didn't matter because we were both in a safe position in the bed (I made sure he was lying on his back and turning his head to latch on, so there was no danger of him ending up on his front).

I do this but find it really uncomfortable and he often is really fussy feeding in this position as well unfortunately.

He's not. When he wakes he's barely drinking, just suckling to get back to sleep. Feeds last 5 minutes absolute max.

What time does your older child go to bed? With mine I used to feed baby whilst partner put my toddler to bed. Then he would hold baby whilst I went to bed and baby would sleep well in his arms till 11.30 so i was sleeping from 7pm til 11.30. Then he would go to bed and sleep the rest of the night so he could go to work the next day. It meant we had no evening together but it kept me sane.

Ugh yes, it definitely was not some sort of perfect solution for me either. Just something that kind of took the worst edge off the sheer torture of being woken every hour or two.

The other thing that gradually helped (if yours is like mine was and pretty much always fed to sleep) was to start gently dislodging him from the boob just before he fell asleep (and latch him back on again and repeat the process a couple of times if he woke up again and cried, until he got too tired and just went to sleep). So not full on sleep training (that came later) but starting to give him the idea that he could in fact get to sleep without sucking on the boob to do it. Apologies if you already do that too.

I'm not a young mum any more but I am struck by this, that he doesn't want milk, he wants to suck for comfort. Have you tried an orthodontic dummy? It helped me back in the day. My DD's friend's father is a dentist of many years and he says it's fine for young babies (although at around 2 probs best to ditch). Hope you find a way to get a sleep.

Will he nap in a pram or carrier? When I was completely desperate DH used to load him into the carrier and walk the dogs for a couple of hours. To be honest I also walked with him for hours but that didn’t help me sleep.

Agree. My sons are adults now but both had a dummy. Couldn’t have imagined life without using one.

He has a dummy.

Well, the only thing I can suggest then, to help your household, is a word with health visitor or someone for help/advice on how to resolve your child's sleeping issues. I hope you get it resolved.

Ah I did that ages ago. She told me to have a nice consistent bedtime routine, as if I wasn't already doing that, and reminded me of the safe sleep guidance 🙄.

As soon as he hits 6 months I'll be doing some sleep training.

I really sympathise. Both my kids were poor sleepers. Makes you feel so sick and non functional

I would agree it's a not being able to elf soothe issue. Possibly try slow transition to ssh pat then to nothing

Baby whisperer advice?

www.baby-sleep-advice.com/baby-whisperer.html

Six months is a massive difference developmentally as well. It's half their age again so they're much more past the newborn sleep style by then.