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How to feel happy & fulfilled

12 replies

SomethingWitty44 · 26/11/2024 07:39

To all those who feel happy or fulfilled, how do you do it. How do you manage to feel happy in the here & now? Being grateful for what you have & not constantly thinking of 'if I lost weight, my life would be amazing' or 'if I had this or done that...' I constantly compare myself to others, even when if telling myself that this is such a theft of joy, I want to be happy, I just don't know how to! Doesn't help that I'm a lazy, fat so & so!
Any suggestions would be appreciated.

OP posts:
Whitefluffycloud · 26/11/2024 07:59

Are you unhappy? I would say keeping busy is a huge help. I have a job, family and hobbies. I'm not run ragged but at the same time I don't have a lot of time to sit around thinking about what if. That being said, I would like to lose half a stone and some people live in nicer houses etc but it doesn't bother me. I'm happy with my lot.

Whitefluffycloud · 26/11/2024 08:01

Also, staying off social media and not watching the news too much can help!

atesomanybananas · 26/11/2024 08:05

I equate the word ‘happy’ with those fleeting moments you’re at a theme park, or enjoying a lovely meal etc. But I would say I’m ‘content’ almost all the time. I’m a glass half full person though and always have been. I love life, but I couldn’t say why I’m like that I’m afraid. It’s just how I’m built.

Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 26/11/2024 08:06

Whitefluffycloud · 26/11/2024 08:01

Also, staying off social media and not watching the news too much can help!

True!

frozendaisy · 26/11/2024 08:23

Happy is a huge pressure. It's sold as a concept to keep people buying things.

But in the here and now, what keeps me content, is our teens whom are an endless source of chat and entertainment.

Our tatty little house, that's full of books, games, tv, good food, time spent together. We don't need a bigger house it's too much to maintain.

Feeling the weather when you go out walking.

Enjoying messy human life around you, or expanses of nature, or an amazing sky

Reading, feed your brain with information and fiction.

Watch documentaries, I would suggest you look at the ones about the evils that is social media and body image, understand OP what you see online is filtered, pretend, fake, fake everything, fake nails, lips, tan, holidays, rooms.

The overwhelming majority of humans are just average, that's it, that's what average means.

If you want to go a bit more outside your box, we have taps which the water is safe when it comes out, hot showers in our house, shops with fruit and vegetables from across the globe, humans are inventing things all the time, the progress in medicine over the last 100 years has been phenomenal. Look at people who do things like that.

The reason we can all sit at home, safe, growing to old age is because of clean water, vaccines and antibiotics in a large part. Big houses, nice cars, fake tans, weird shaped gym bodies, are not that impressive really.

Go for a walk, donate some good quality stuff to a charity shop, go to the library get a book, take yourself for a coffee, watch the world go by. You are part of a crazy, unique planet for a small number of years, sitting around thinking "it's not fair I want a big house and to be thin" is such a waste of your time on it.

EveryDayisFriday · 26/11/2024 08:29

Being content is what the goal should be not happy. Happy and sad are the two ends of the spectrum and contented is in the middle, that's the sweet spot.

Only you can decide what makes your world smile.

For me it's money in the bank, knowing that my favourite people are content too, eating good healthy food, travel planned, had a good workout, my house is clean and tidy, my work is all done.

PuddledDuck · 26/11/2024 08:49

It’s a game changer to realise and accept that when you finally loose the weight, or get that new job or whatever it was that made you think you would suddenly ‘be happy’, the goal posts only change. Don’t go through life thinking like this to find it’s suddenly passed you by.

Happy isn’t a state you get to and that’s it you’re sorted. It’s being human to experience a range of emotions, and you wouldn’t appreciate the highs if you didn’t experience the lows and also a lot of time just in the middle!

I find it helpful to know that things will never be ‘perfect’ but will be full of perfect moments if that makes sense. E.g a holiday never pans out perfectly, kids might argue, the restaurant you wanted to go to is fully booked, the weather isn’t ideal, but it will be full of gorgeous little moments you will treasure.

Social media has a lot to answer for. I’ve got no time for accounts that portray only a perfect and privileged lifestyle. Boring. It’s so sad that this piles the pressure on us all. Like you’ve got to have a particular car, or coat, or nice teeth, or go to Dubai on holiday, or visit winter wonderland etc etc etc.
I really hopefully there is a reversal with all of this, but for now all we can do is curate our own social media feeds.

A gratitude journal is a nice thing to do. Just write down things you’ve been grateful for that day, whether it was coffee with a friend or autumnal colours on your way to work or the fact that you’re fit and healthy enough to do the gym class- whatever it may be.

FrodosTemper · 26/11/2024 10:02

atesomanybananas · 26/11/2024 08:05

I equate the word ‘happy’ with those fleeting moments you’re at a theme park, or enjoying a lovely meal etc. But I would say I’m ‘content’ almost all the time. I’m a glass half full person though and always have been. I love life, but I couldn’t say why I’m like that I’m afraid. It’s just how I’m built.

A glass half full outlook definitely helps. Op, don't berate yourself for being overweight, you can do something about that. What's most important is to enjoy your job and that you have good people in your life. I work pt and also volunteer as a sports coach at my dc's school. I love working with young people, they are often so positive and bright and it's a privilege to be able to help them succeed at their chosen sport, it keeps me positive. I am also a governor at a local school. I recommend volunteering in your community. You learn so much and meet some lovely people.

RomeoRivers · 26/11/2024 10:33

I thought about the kind of life I wanted and then I created it.

You have to live with intention and recognise that you are in the driving seat; as opposed to being passive and thinking that life just happens to you.

If you want to lose weight, make a plan and make it a reality. (I recommend Noom.)

You have the power to shape your life.

It’s very easy to be grateful when you have achieved your goals and succeeded in creating the life you always dreamed of.

FWIW I’m currently in the High Dependency Unit with my 2 week old baby for RSV. We’ve had a rough couple of days, but I’m so happy and grateful because she seems to be coming out the other side now. I’m so grateful for all the amazing staff who have taken such good care of us; I’m grateful to the people who invented incubators, breathing machines and breast pumps; I’m grateful for my village: those who held us in prayer and the grandparents who stepped in to care for our elder children; I’m grateful for my DH who is fantastic in a crisis and the way he was fully present with me in the fear; I’m grateful for the Owlet Sock that told us her oxygen levels kept dipping too low, after the GP and Midwife told us it was just a cold.

Perhaps try writing your own list for where you are right now?

SomethingWitty44 · 26/11/2024 13:51

Thank you all for your suggestions. A lot of what you've said, I know is in there, but seeing it being said back to me, really helps. I love the line - knowing that things will never be ‘perfect’ but will be full of perfect moments, thank you @PuddledDuck
I have signed up to Volunteer at the local Charity shop, I have gone for a lovely, long reflective walk and have joined the gym, I have got out the cross stitching that I have been meaning to do for a very long time and started a list on what being grateful & content means to me.

@RomeoRivers - I'm so sorry to you're in High Dependency Unit with your 2 week old baby, good to hear she's coming through the other side. Thank you for replying to me when you're going through what you are.

OP posts:
RomeoRivers · 26/11/2024 18:27

MN is a nice distraction at the minute!

I wanted to show that on paper I shouldn’t feel happy and fulfilled given my current situation, and yet I do, because I believe it is more about mindset than circumstances.

CRJ77 · 26/11/2024 18:34

I agree with all the things others have said but just on the weight point - whether or not losing weight can impact your happiness really depends on what your weight is. If it’s just ‘would like to lose half a stone’ (like me!) then I agree it’s probably not worth obsessing over or comparing yourself to some unattainable ideal. But if you are properly overweight (which I have also been) then losing weight might actually make you healthier and therefore happier.

Aside from that, I agree with all the other points about taking pleasure in small things, whatever they are for you, and staying off social media!

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