God-child etiquette

[coffeemonsterrrr]

I have a God-child (child of a friend) whom I've bought Xmas and birthday presents for throughout their life. They are now turning 18 in mid December.

What is the etiquette about ceasing to buy gifts each year? Do I just stop after the 18th or should I say something? And should I still get a Xmas present this year since it's only a week after the 18th and then stop everything for 2025? What would be appropriate here?

For context this is my only god-child, and I'm not particularly close to the mum, and only see the god child once a year (live a few hours away). I was surprised she asked me to be godparent all those years ago and I was less confident than I am now, so I said yes even though I ought to have said no, as I'm an atheist and wasn't that close with the mum.

I totally misunderstood the title and was very excited about some sort of religious reincarnation situation.

I’ll get my coat.

I don't think there is an etiquette, it's entirely up to you ,do you to carry on giving them presents?if not you can stop at anytime

My daughter’s god mother bought her gifts until she was 18, her godfather has never bought her anything. She didn’t questioned the lack of gift once she became an adult nor, as a child, not getting anything from her godfather. Just pop a little note in her Christmas card if you feel you need to let her know that’s it for gifts. But I honestly wouldn’t worry about it.

@coffeemonsterrrr We tend to use 21 but 18 is fine. Depends on family. If the young person always thanks you and likes to see you, carry on for a bit. If they are distant, stop.

I think it depends on the relationship.
I still buy for my 25 year old god daughter. I don't see her much now as she works abroad but her parents are my oldest and closest friends. I spent many holidays and Christmases with her when she was growing up and we had a close relationship.
I never gave gifts out of 'duty' but because I love her and want to so there isn't any reason to stop. And I still buy for her brother as well.

My godparents gave me something really expensive (compared to usual gifts) for my 18th birthday and stopped gifts afterwards.

I gave my godchildren a budget for a generous, extra special gift at 18, and then told them that was it.
I did send them a few vouchers at Xmas, while they were poverty-struck students, and a gift at 21, but then it stopped. They all earn much more than me now! But I'm looking forward to my 34 year old godson's wedding next year - and he will be getting a wedding present!

I thought it was about the etiquette of a god and child talking! 😂

I have two godsons, one I sent something to every birthday/Christmas until 18, then sent something for 21st.

Other one I haven't seen since he was a baby (now 17). I was best friends with his mum through our teens, we drifted apart when we both moved early 20's, then got back in touch a few years later when we had our first children. We stayed in touch for a few years, when Godson was born, so both me and DH were asked to be god parents. Since then though, we've barely seen his Mum, so have zero relationship with him. Feels a bit rubbish on our part, but she didn't make much effort either! So we've never given him any presents etc

I think stopping the gift at 18 is fine. In the future you would buy a gift if invited to her 21st or wedding.

I would still plan to acknowledge her birthday with a card, a phone call, text or message. I would also plan to send a Christmas Greeting too. It would be poor form to drop completely off the side of the earth and ghost her.

See where it leads. She might send you a Christmas text for years or she might stop. Knowing that you still care is important. It's a stronger signal of support than a gift.

Young adults often appreciate you just taking them out for coffee in their local neighbourhood.

It all feels quite transactional!

If you have a relationship with her and feel like you'd like to buy her a gift, then do so. If you don't/don't want to, then don't. It seems like you've been buying up to now just because you thought you should, not because you wanted to?

I stopped buying for my godson after a big 18th gift and his sister after her 18th. Am very close to the family (mainly with their mum who is my best friend but have spent a lot of time with the kids as they grew up and now both at uni). I don't consider it "transactional" as we only buy for children in our family (DH and I don't buy for each other at birthdays/Christmas but buy only when we find something special we know each other would love at any time of the year. Also don't swap gifts with my parents. But we all swap cards and call and message on birthdays.)

Will buy for 21st and weddings! And continue cards and messages on all birthdays

Thanks for the range of views! Well it does feel a bit like a duty yes, but then as I've explained I got myself into this when I wasn't as assertive as I would be now if someone asked me again. So I felt I ought to buy him gifts as it wasn't his fault iyswim! He's a nice enough lad but I don't have much of a relationship with them due to distance and not really being that close with the mum. Catch up for a meal once a year basically.

As someone who’s early thirties, I definitely got a gift from godparents at 21 and 30 but I think annual presents stopped at 18.

re: this Christmas. If they are still at sixth form and living at home, I make this the last proper Christmas present.