3 year old upset at going to nursery after arrival of sibling

[Cmmw3]

My 3 year old Dd has recently ( maybe in the last 4 weeks), started getting very upset at the door to nursery.. kicking and screaming. In the morning she tells us she doesn’t want to go to nursery and that she plans to cry.
She’s been going there for years and has always loved it… always has a good day once she is there.
I’m aware it’s almost certainly related to her new baby brother ( he is 3 months old).... perhaps that he gets to stay home with me and she’s doesn’t, so her behaviour isn’t unsurprising. She goes in 3 days a week, so it’s not everyday.

just wondering if any other parents experienced the same, and if so how long it lasted, or if there was anything that helped?

I remember exactly the same situation with my eldest DC. She has FOMO and hoping if she cries that you'll cave in and let her stay at home with you. It's early days if your younger baby is only 3months, but a consistent approach is vital and they do get used to it. Are you able to have regular time with just your oldest (whilst your DP looks after the baby?) It's so so tricky to fit it all in every day. Does she have a special friend at nursery that she plays with?

does she do all mornings or some afternoons?

@Whohasnickedthesellotape
thanks for replying.
Yeah essentially we make almost every day that my Dd is not at nursery about her.. luckily my newborn is very chilled and either hangs out with me or my partner whilst we play with her or he just watches us play happily.

How long would you say it lasted with your DC?

She does three full days… Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays.

She has FOMO and thinks you and baby are doing all sorts of fun things without her. When you are dropping her off tell her you are doing all the boring things she hates - going to the Post Office, hoovering etc etc and she'll soon get over it.

This is pretty normal.

It might help if days at home are a bit less 'all about her' - they should be nice days of course but if you're outperforming nursery it's understandable she would rather be home! Hard to know without details.

But also if you say things like 'nursery is where 3yos need to go to learn 3yo things' (because she doesn't know that some 3yos are always at home) then it's not such a choice.

Very common when a baby is new.

Does she ever get 1-1 time? That's what she lost, and now the baby has that and she doesn't! So would be good to give her 1-1 days if possible.

Par for the course. I used to work in a nursery and it’s rare this doesn’t happen.
In your toddler’s mind you could be doing anything with that baby while she’s away from you ! She doesn’t know what, can’t put it into words but it’s there and her reaction is to cry.
It’ll pass. Tell her what you’ll be doing at home , make it boring ( washing the floors, ironing, anything that’s tedious ) don’t mention baby or if you do then they’ll just be sleeping. And the best part of the day is collecting her and you’ll do X when you get home.
It will get better.

I was asking in case she has to leave the fun she's having at home for an afternoon start, but doesnt seem like that is the case here. i have a 3 yo who leaves for nursery in the mornings (also have a newborn) and we make a bid deal of the fun shes going to have at nursery. she says bye to our newborn while he's still in bed in the mornings so she knows that she isnt missing out on much

Make her next day at home really boring. If time together is always focused on her and she's having a great time, of course she'll have fomo, and won't believe that your doing boring errands while she's at nursery!

Tomorrow, make your day really boring. Tell her you're too busy to play as you have jobs to do, and act like everything is revolving round the baby. Let her experience a boring day, so that next time you're dropping her off, she'll understand what you mean when you tell her she won't be missing anything.

This has given me a thought… we tend to try and make her morning fun, and we did start to give a little breakfast here before she goes to nursery... we started doing this way before my newborn arrived. But maybe we should avoid this and let her have her first meal of the day at nursery so she’s at least got that to look forward to.

yes that might be an idea. we give DD a little milk first thing in bed (to wake her up) and then get her to go loo, get her ready and then straight out of the door. she doesnt even enter the living room - as we were afraid she would see her toys and want to play. for background, we used to do afternoons which did not work as she refused to go in. we then changed her one afternoon to a morning because that worked better for us and the change was immediate. now she does all mornings and always has breakfast at nursery. hope it works for you!

Can't she just go in one day so you get some time with the baby if that's the point? It seems quite cold to force her to be away from you when her whole world has changed.

Its way more beneficial to her development to be at nursery. she needs attention and needs to be in an environment where she can vent her feelings and energy around others her age. OP is dealing with a newborn. if her DD doesnt go to nursery OP would be extremely run down all day everyday - they days my DD doesnt go into nursery I get no respite at all and on the verge of tears with a new born. at nursery my DD thrives, gets loads of attention from friends and nursery staff and comes back with developed speech and understanding.

The nursery places where we are are very limited and I’m going back to work next year….if I took her out I would lose those days.
Also she loves it when she’s there. I went to pick her up early last week and she was upset and didn’t want to leave because she wanted to have tea with her friends so I had to leave and come back later.
I don’t think I’m being cold.. just wanted some advice on how to make the drop offs less tough on her.

Her reaction is very natural. She feels she has been replaced by her sibling. You are sending her somewhere else, while you spend time with baby and yo her that's unfair. She can't articulate it yet but she will come round. But don't what ever you do let her overhear what a great time you and baby had when you went to a meet up with a friend. A colleague made that mistake and it set things back by weeks. Just tell her the dull stuff so she thinks nursery is more interesting than being home with you.