Feeling a bit upset about something silly

[thespinnyorange]

So I have worked in a 2nd job for 2 years. Part time, 2 nights a week plus sat/sunday I handed my notice in 2 weeks ago as I'm
Just too busy and I decided it wasn't working for me anymore. My manger understood and was lovely about it. But here's why I'm upset and I know I'm being daft (I'm a sensitive soul) my deputy manger hasn't even mention it to me. No "sorry to hear your leaving" Nothing. So I just brushed it off as he was busy. But yesterday a few of the girls who have heard rallied round and were doing the usual trying to coax me to stay ( in a jokey way) mean while my deputy manager stood there and said nothing at all about me going. I was actually a bit embarrassed because it was very awkward.

I'm now taking it that he doesn't really like me and is glad I'm
Going . What other reason could there be ?

Lovely to hear about the girls who rallied round and coaxed you in a jokey way to stay. There is affection there, and it does seem a bit as if your sensitive nature has made you focus on the one person who was a bit distant about it, rather than on the real warmth from your other colleagues.

I think I would do the same - just selectively picking out the strands of the situation that I could use to make myself feel a bit crap. But do remind yourself that this framing is just one of the framings available. You could just as easily frame the situation in a way that emphasised the real concern and friendship that you have attracted from less reticent colleagues.

Easy to say that, I know. And not so easy to put it into practice. x

What a lovely message. Thank you. But you agree that surely he must be glad I'm
Going? I didn't want a song and dance made but I felt a bit rubbish that I've put myself out for two years to help out, starting early, and really trying my best to ease the burden for the workplace any time that I could. Would have been nice to have been recognised. Aww well

Is he annoyed you're leaving, will they be left short staffed?

In fact, I'm also now thinking of your phrase " in a jokey way". It feels like you find it hard just to say that some of your colleagues said that they would miss you and wish that you could stay. So you have to add the slightly self-deprecating claim that they only said it in a jokey way. I bet that they weren't simply joking. I bet that they will really miss you, and are letting you know how much they have valued you.

Not everyone you work with is your friend. They may not have mentioned it because they don't like you or because they don't care or just because they are socially inept. Either way don't let it live rent free in your mind. It's not important.

I don't think so, it's not really him that's impacted. I also stayed longer than my notice period to help out

Maybe he feels you're making a mistake leaving and can't lie to you.

Maybe he regrets youre going but doesn't want to get gushy in case he looks inappropriate

Maybe he is worried about how things will go in your absence.

Who knows. Don't let it upset you though.

Maybe he thinks that actually once you’ve made up your mind to go, it’s unhelpful to ‘jokily’ get someone to stay.

if I’d handed my notice in I’d find it really awkward if someone tried to convince me to stay. As if you’d really just say ‘oh you’re right, let me go and get my letter of resignation’ back. Presumably you’ve given it careful thought and that should be respected.

id say he is respecting your intelligence and assuming that you’ve given it careful thought so some disingenuous pleading for you to stay is pointless…

But you agree that surely he must be glad I'm going?

No, I don't agree with that, because I can't know one way or the other. The fact that you could take my silence on the subject as implying that I agree with your self-castigating interpretation of the deputy manager's stance is more evidence of how readily you view things in a light that is cruel to you.
I feel like I'm on a mission to help you see things more positively!, because I tend to do the same as you are doing - distorting everything in a manner that is maximally cruel to oneself. I bet you are a lovely colleague and that if your deputy manager was cool that is entirely to do with what is going on for him/her and not at all a reflection on you.

Thank you. I suffer from horrific low self esteem so perhaps this just just another self sabotage

I don't think it's the case at all that the manager didn't like you.

You made the decision to leave. They accepted and respected that decision.

Persuading you into staying wouldn't be the right thing for you or the business.

At a certain point in working life, you accept that people come and people go, and it's not really worth getting emotional about it. Your 'best buddy' who you look forward to seeing every day will be off like a shot if they get a better job offer or their DP decides to emigrate to Australia or they decide they'd rather be a SAHP.

It would be polite of your deputy manager to wish you well at some point before you go, or at least sign a leaving card with best wishes - if he doesn't do that, I'd put him down as discourteous but not take it personally.